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Original poster

Alcoholism

60 replies

CharlieQuinn · 10/02/2019 18:28

Please ignore/delete if appropriate.

I have had almost 2/3 of a bottle of wine tonight. I’m an alcoholic. I’m not out of it but am upset with myself. I don’t drink everyday but can’t stop when I start. It’s 5 weeks since my last drink.
I have posted similar in the alcoholism board but I’m posting here for traffic. I really do want to stop and I’m really hating AA. Do any other alcoholics or people that have supported alcoholic loved ones have any other suggestions as to other places to try? I would really appreciate it.

Thank you.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 10/02/2019 18:36

Have you consulted your doctor about it? Addiction is fundamentally a medical issue.

There are other peer support groups but they're less numerous than AA meetings. Have you tried a different AA group? The dynamics vary a lot from one to another. What do you hate about it?

I'll be sober 25 years next month and spent about 4 years in AA.

Original poster
CharlieQuinn · 10/02/2019 18:43

Not my doctor, no. I know it sounds silly but I just struggle to tell them.

Ive tried numerous AA groups, I just don’t get on with them. I don’t mean to sound offensive if you did find A.A. helpful but what I don’t like is:

  1. The religious message. I know that God is supposed to be interpreted however you like but the religious message has felt strong to me.
  2. The number of people. I’m very introverted and I hate busy meetings.
  3. The idea that you absolutely will fail without A.A. for your entire life. It makes me feel very uncomfortable especially when they’re taking money from me every meeting that I turn up to.
  4. This one is ridiculous - that my partner thinks AA has solved me. That he thinks if I turn up for meetings then I’ll be ok. He’ll be so upset when he comes home from work tonight.
OP posts:
claybakefan · 10/02/2019 18:44

On of the traditions of AA reads "The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking".

Maybe that's why you don't like AA. You don't want to stop.

Original poster
CharlieQuinn · 10/02/2019 18:45

I do appreciate that you’ve been sober 25 years without most of that in AA though, that is more helpful than you could know.

OP posts:
Raven88 · 10/02/2019 18:46

You need to be ready to stop. The first step is pouring the wine down the sink and dealing with the withdrawals.

Original poster
CharlieQuinn · 10/02/2019 18:47

No, I do want to stop. I really do. I’ve lied to myself before about it but I really seriously want to stop right now. It isn’t that, I promise you.

OP posts:
TragicRabbit · 10/02/2019 18:50

I’m like you OP, I’m an introvert and have found Jason Vale’s book Kick the Drink Easily a huge help. I wouldn’t say Easily is necessarily the right word but it has helped to separate myself from alcohol.
Interestingly he refuses to use the term alcoholic. 💐

PersonaNonGarter · 10/02/2019 18:51

Your list of reasons re AA may be truthful to you but it is clearly avoidance.

TragicRabbit · 10/02/2019 18:53

I have started to talk to people in real life about it. Only dh and his parents but it gives me that extra bit of support without ‘groups’ and religion having to be involved.

Original poster
CharlieQuinn · 10/02/2019 18:54

Raven it’s not the withdrawals, I was sober for 5 weeks before tonight so there’s nothing physical there. It’s just psychological. I’m just asking what help there is other than A.A. because I know I can do it short term but I can’t long term and I want to know what other support there is because I want something that suits me. Does this make sense?

OP posts:
Weightsandmeasures · 10/02/2019 18:59

Can I ask why you have alcoholic drinks in the house if you want to stop drinking?

I am not alcoholic but was worried about how much I was drinking. Like you, if we opened a bottle, we would finish it. We decided to stop for a year to recalibrate our relationship with alcohol. We have not drank any alcohol since 1st Jan. I don't miss it and I don't find it a struggle. I guess one of the things that make it easy is that we've decided to go zero alcohol so we don't have go down the route of deciding how much liitle to drink and when. The other thing that has helped is that we don't have any alcohol in the house and never buy any, not even for visitors. Instead we stock up on non-alcoholic drinks.

I do sympathise with you because I can sense your frustration and despair. You can beat it. It is beatable. Many have done it and you can to, with or without AA.

Bringbackthestripes · 10/02/2019 19:03

This nhs link is to find support in your area & a couple of other links that may be helpful but I would suggest speaking to your GP. They will not judge you or tell you off they will simply point you in the right direction for support/counselling if there is any in your area.
www.nhs.uk/service-search/Alcohol-addiction/LocationSearch/1805

www.drinkaware.co.uk/alcohol-support-services/

www.itv.com/thismorning/alcohol-addiction-helplines

Original poster
CharlieQuinn · 10/02/2019 19:10

weights there are never any alcoholic drinks in my house but I live 2 mins walk from a shop so it’s very easy to get some. I haven’t decided to cut down, I know that I can’t, i want to stop. I just want to know what help there is to stop because I’m really struggling a lot at the minute.

Thank you bring I really appreciate it, I’ll take a look Flowers

OP posts:
TroysMammy · 10/02/2019 19:11

My dp went to AA for a few months but decided he could give up alcohol (his drink of choice was vodka, neat, straight from the bottle). I devised a chart of days forward and days back. Each day he was sober he got a mark on the chart. Each day he drank he also got a mark. He could see how many days in that week he was sober. As soon as he was 7 days sober I marked it on a white board and increased it to weeks then months and then years. We no longer use the whiteboard but he knows last June it was 3 years and I made him a card.

In the early days I also threatened that if he continued to drink he wouldn't get to see my niece who was 5 at the time. She adores him and she made him tear up when she asked 3 years ago "can I call you Uncle?"

Original poster
CharlieQuinn · 10/02/2019 19:17

I actually really like that Troys even though it kinda sounds like it’s child-based in a way. DP is home from work in a couple of hours and I think I’ll ask him if he’s on board with that because I can actually see that being helpful. Thank you so much.

OP posts:
Sargass0 · 10/02/2019 19:20

Google your local DAAT (Drug and Alcohol Action Team) There is usually one in most areas. They might have a support group that is more you. AA certainly doesn't work for everyone. Good luck op.

Squirrelsinmypants · 10/02/2019 19:31

DH didn't get on with AA either. Since Jan he has been going to weekly meetings with SMART recovery. His is a very small group. Only 6 of them. Can't tell you whether it will work for him but he's preferring it so far.

Original poster
CharlieQuinn · 10/02/2019 19:42

squirrels do you mind me asking how long he tried AA for? I’m worried DP will think I haven’t tried long enough before switching when I haven’t felt able to tell him that I just wasn’t getting on with that particular way. A smaller group sounds much better to me, thank you.

OP posts:
WhatNow40 · 10/02/2019 19:48

Alan Carr Easy way to quit alcohol. It saved our marriage and improved our future massively. DH is around 18 months sober now. He still counts in days but does not feel like he will ever drink again.

Original poster
CharlieQuinn · 10/02/2019 19:53

I looked at Allen Carr for smoking but thought smoking and drinking at once was too much. Never considered hi for drinking alone tbh. I’ll give anything a go right now. Thank you. And thanks to everybody for all of the suggestions, they’re much appreciated.

OP posts:
WhatNow40 · 10/02/2019 19:55

Should say as well that AA was never even considered by DH. He's anti religion anyway, hates groups of any kind and won't talk in front of people he doesn't know. He'd also tried cutting down for around a year, similar to what Adrian Chiles has done, but it didn't work. As soon as he had a drink he'd be drinking to excess again within a few days. It's had to be a complete no for him.

WhatNow40 · 10/02/2019 19:57

He'd drink 8-10 cans of strong lager and 1/2 a bottle of wine or 1/3 bottle of spirits every night. He didn't have a day off booze for about 5 years before he accepted he had a problem. Then it was another 2 years to get to the point where he wanted to stop drinking completely.

I hope you're able to find a way that works for you.

myexisanasshole · 10/02/2019 20:01

I am the same Altho I binge drink, and a lot more. I have started going to a place called turning point? They might have something similar in your area? I also have gathered lots of books l- Catherine grays the joys of being sober is really good as is Annie grace this naked mind and Jason vale kick the drink easily. It's only been 5 days for me and is complicated by bad mental health but I know I can't drink sue to meds' and I want to stop for my kids. My Dr was really good and they won't judge just offer support and advice- and I also hated AA for the same reasons!

Original poster
CharlieQuinn · 10/02/2019 20:03

I’ve just been reading back and I’m sorry for ignoring you tragic I didn’t mean to. You hit home a bit too closely for me and it took a while to really know how to respond to you. What you say actually sounds extremely helpful for me, so thank you. Would you mind me PM’ing you about it with a couple of questions? No problem ig you do.

What that’s me. I talk to people from A.A. individually but not as a group, I know that I’ll drink excessively if I ever start having just the one. I’ll have a look at the Allen Carr way for sure if it helped somebody similar to me. Thank you so much Flowers

OP posts:
Squirrelsinmypants · 10/02/2019 20:05

He only went to AA for 4/5 weeks. Too many people there with drug and alcohol addictions. Or people that drank way much more than him. Made him feel that in comparison he didn't have a problem. He tried stopping by himself but this never lasted. He'd do 4 months not drinking, think he was ok to try a drink again and within a week he'd be back to drinking every day. He accepts he can't do it without external support.