Alcoholism

[CharlieQuinn]

Please ignore/delete if appropriate.

I have had almost 2/3 of a bottle of wine tonight. I’m an alcoholic. I’m not out of it but am upset with myself. I don’t drink everyday but can’t stop when I start. It’s 5 weeks since my last drink.
I have posted similar in the alcoholism board but I’m posting here for traffic. I really do want to stop and I’m really hating AA. Do any other alcoholics or people that have supported alcoholic loved ones have any other suggestions as to other places to try? I would really appreciate it.

Thank you.

Annie Grace The Naked truth and William Porter Alcohol Exlained. 2 EXCELLENT books to help you stop.

Also read this blog, in particular the collection of blogs covering the 1st year of year of sobriety.

livingwithoutalcohol.blogspot.com/?m=1

myexisanasshole (my ex is too!) I used to drink a lot more too. Like a whole litre of vodka wasn’t enough. I’ve been trying to do better and I have been, I’m glad you have too. It’s hard isn’t it? I actually love reading so I’ll look through all of the book recommendations and I’ll take a look at turning point too. I really do appreciate all the alternative recommendations because I’ve been feeling like it’s AA or nothing and that’s been a bit of a struggle. I’m really in awe of those of you that are sober and trying to help me, you’re amazing. Thank you so much.

Cheers mint I’ll have a look at all of them. I’m so grateful for the help you’ve all given me, you have no idea how much you’ve all helped with advice. Thank you all so, so much

Hi CharlieQuinn,

Most of the people (family members) around me drink alcohol/ depend on it/ coping mechanism. My mother being one and my father too. My uncle goes to AA comes home and opens a can. So I agree it might not be for everyone.

My uncle has recently started to go to Meditation, sound bowl, yoga , so he's started these activities during the week and weekend to keep his mind "busy" he really enjoys it. Although he's not alcohol free he has cut down massively due to the new hobbies he's taken up.

Have you noticed anything that triggers you to want a drink ?

Midnight I don’t know if my family are odd or not? My father’s side are almost definitely alcoholic/alcohol dependent but none have ever said. They’re the family I’m not close to (maybe hypocritically). I know a lot of AA members who drink very regularly.

I use yoga a lot and love it. It really helps keep me not wanting a drink and has helped me over the last month but I still
Wanted a drink. I don’t know what the trigger was and I wish I did, really it came down to nothing more than me wanting a drink. I wish I understood more than that.

But I have cut down just through practising yoga and, while I haven’t stopped, I am proud of myself for cutting down so much. Because that would never have happened previously.

@CharlieQuinn I'm an alcoholic too.

I hear you about AA. I was over two years sober before I went to my first meeting. I'm in the programme now because I was finding my addiction hopping from thing to thing, and it was getting exhausting! And lonely! But I got sober without AA.

I'd say these things really helped me:

1. Soberistas website. An amazing resource. Like Mumsnet for drunks ;) Full of the most amazing compassionate and wise people, all at totally different stages in their sobriety but we are all there to help one another stay sober. If you post on there tonight you will get tons of advice that will help you with your next step. Sign up tonight! It's free!

2. The Bubble Hour podcast. A group of women talking about their experiences of alcoholism. Helped me SO much in those early days, when I was exhausted and fucked off. I could just listen and learn.

3. Reading LOTS of books! Try the ones mentioned above but also I remember "Mrs D is Going Without" was I book that sticks out to me. Was so much to relate to. There are a lot of good books on alcoholism out there.

4. And most important....
   Tonight is one of these times you've had clarity and have reached out to ask for help. Now GRAB hold of that help and don't let go! Because your next moment of clarity could take months or years to happen again, and just think about all the misery and harm you can bring to yourself in that time.

human you’ve made me cry. I think you’ve latched on to something without even meaning to but your replies have made me realise another issue that I have. You mention women a lot and AA has women (obviously) but the meetings I’ve been to have been at least 70% male. I’ve had my arse grabbed and I’ve felt uncomfortable. The fact that you mentioned a women’s group is actually unbelievably comforting and I didn’t realise it until you did so. That’s ridiculous isn’t it? Thank you so, so much!

Of course you can PM me @CharlieQuin
Looks like you’re getting good advice. It can feel very lonely x

Lots of people don't get on with the AA - it absolutely does not suggest anything about you or your drinking - that's such bullshit. There are loads of other options - really supportive facebook groups - that are AA/12 step free and many people who find the AA's cult like grasp on them difficult to escape. So it suits some people and that's great - let's leave it there because there are plenty of alternatives. And the term alcoholic has no medical meaning - it's Alcohol Use Disorder and it's a spectrum from the very mild to severe, everyone has a unique relationship with alcohol, you need to decide what what you want/need to do - give up completely, learn to moderate or start off with Harm Reduction - become empowered you can do this!

Hi OP. I couldn't get on with AA either, it just wasn't for me. At all.
I did find my local community alcohol service incredibly helpful. I did group work, including a women's group. As well as one to one support there. It honestly saved my life. I have no doubt I would have died if I carried on drinking.
I see someone has already posted links to find your local service. I just wanted to encourage you to give your local service a go. You have nothing to lose.
Also, if I can get control of my alcohol use anyone can. Best of luck

Just to add, your drinking doesn't have to be as heavy as mine was to get support from your local service. It's for anyone struggling on any level.

Hate to write and run.

Try Life Ring. It's a secular recovery support program.

My brother also disliked AA but he found Life Ring to be very helpful.

womenforsobriety.org/community/

www.facebook.com/groups/HamsWomen/?fref=gs&dti=14796570911&hc_location=group

Just keep working through them till you find a group you can connect with and will will support you to achieve your aims.

I do appreciate that you’ve been sober 25 years without most of that in AA though, that is more helpful than you could know.

I didn't stop because I didn't like going, I stopped because we moved and I was TTC and just never got around to finding a new group. I also knew my sobriety was stable at that point and that I had learned what AA had to teach me.

There's a saying in AA (at least on this side of the pond), "Take what you want and leave the rest". I didn't have a sponsor for most of the time I was in AA and never fully completed the steps. Yet here I am almost 25 years later still sober. My point is you shouldn't feel that every tiny detail in AA is compulsory or you'll fail.

As PP pointed out, if you can find a women's meeting that may be more to your liking. My group had one every week that I always went to, then I tried going to one or two open meetings a week in addition. You can learn what you need just from the women's meeting.

Good luck.

Thank you all for the responses

I’ve spent a lot of the day looking at the various things mentioned and making notes. I’m going to download a few books and formulate a plan for people to contact tomorrow when I’m feeling a bit less shaky.

Sober 34 years, first 20 with AA, just occasionally now😁

Another secular, science based source of help

smartrecovery.org.uk

@CharlieQuinn How are you feeling?

I've been thinking of you too. Hope you're doing ok.

Not too bad, thank you. I’m absolutely exhausted and really don’t have the energy to do very much at all, I can’t seem to get through the day without napping this week but I haven’t had a drink since I lasted posted and I’m just trying to take it one day at a time.

I’ve been reading a bit of Annie Grace’s stuff and I have a list ready to be ordered on my Kindle. I’m going to go to a SMART Recovery meeting on Monday as well.

Thank you for asking.

Glad to hear you're doing well. DH slept a lot when he first stopped drinking. Your body is going in to recovery. Just keep reminding yourself, you're doing great!

Something that helped me stop drinking was watching YouTube videos by Kevin O'Hara (Alcohol Mastery). There hundreds of them and they cover loads of different topics related to stopping drinking. He does have a paid membership site (with a forum), but that's not necessary to watch the videos and get the benefit of his experience. I found him very down to earth and sensible.

i'm entering my second year of sobriety.

I did it through:

annie grace - the book AND her podcasts - listened to them every day in the car.
The unexpected joy of being sober
the sober diaries

it was rock hard at the start but now it is who i am and life is amazing without alcohol. i was a huge booze hound, so if i can do it, anyone can.

Hi OP, I've been sober nearly 8 years now and have never been to AA or any kind of group (very introverted).
I read the Caroline Knapp book - but my main help was reading an old thread on here that was started by a woman who had hit rock bottom and almost lost her marriage and kids from drinking.

There were 2 pieces of advice on there that I found invaluable. The first was to take it day by day, hour by hour or even second by second when necessary. When the feeling that you need a drink comes over you, just say, 'not right now, I'll maybe think about it again in another minute', until the feeling passes. And keep doing it. It does get easier.

The other is to imagine having that first drink, and then the next, and the next and follow it right through until the next day and you're inevitably feeling physically, emotionally and mentally sick. Hold on to the feelings that a night of drinking gives you, I find it (still) to be a fantastic deterrent.

And if you fall off the wagon, just get straight back on - don't beat yourself up over it.
Best wishes