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Original poster

Am I being PFB?

68 replies

ForeignnessAlert · 04/02/2019 16:42

DS is 9 (with ASD, a bit young for his age). He was sent home from school today for not feeling well, and has just thrown up. We have food for tonight. DH, who only knew he had been sent home, called to see if he could get DS a dessert. I explained how he was etc and said we might need some food if I can't get to the shop tomorrow.
DH asked why I couldn't go to the shop tomorrow.
I said that if DS was still throwing up, I wouldn't be able to take him.
DH said I could leave him at home.
I told him not to be daft and of course I couldn't leave him at home if he was throwing up.
DH hung up on me in exasperation.

Apart from the fact that in all of his past illness bouts this is the first time he has managed to aim and hold the bowl himself, am I being pfb?

OP posts:
SophiaLarsen · 04/02/2019 16:47

You will, no doubt get different responses but I wouldn't leave my 9 year old to go shopping, and wouldn't leave my sick 9 year old. I may be PFB too!

When I was 9, my DM left me, sick, so she could go to work (not much sympathy for parental leave back then. I had a nose bleed and whilst I went round the house looking in my Girl's Own book for how to deal with a nose bleed, I dripped blood all round the bathroom, stairs etc and my mum came home to see the blood everywhere and me sat with bloody tissues all round me. I was off sick with a sore throat, but anything could have gone wrong and it did! Therefore I think 9 is a bit young!

Seeline · 04/02/2019 16:49

No. You can't leave a 9yo throwing up on their own!

Tiredmum100 · 04/02/2019 16:49

My eldest is only 7 but I can't see me leaving him home alone at aged 9 to go shopping ill or not. No I don't think you are being PFB.

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Stoppedat1 · 04/02/2019 16:50

No not at all. DH is being an arse

SoupDragon · 04/02/2019 16:50

I wouldn't have left any of mine at that age if they were throwing up.

pinkhorse · 04/02/2019 16:52

I don't leave my 9 year old at home at all, even when he's not ill.

Yellowcar2 · 04/02/2019 16:55

Nope wouldn't leave him. You could always suggest DH stays home with him tomorrow so that you can go shopping if he doesn't want to pick it up on way home.

Original poster
ForeignnessAlert · 04/02/2019 16:56

I would leave him at home if e.g. I'm going to pick up DD from a friend's house 10 mins (foot) away. I've never left either alone if I've gone somewhere that needs the car.

I also have to leave him and DD(6) home for parent's evening, although I do tell my neighbours that they are home alone. We live in a flat so they just need to walk across the corridor if they need something. They also know how to call my mobile.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 04/02/2019 17:00

My ds is ten...I don't leave him alone in the house, ill or not.

Seeline · 04/02/2019 17:07

You leave an immature 9 yo and 6 yo alone for parents evening?!
I really wouldn't be doing that either. Just either you or DH go, or take them with you, they could wait in the corridor.

Morgan12 · 04/02/2019 17:11

Jesus wept he shouldn't be left alone ever.

Original poster
ForeignnessAlert · 04/02/2019 17:13

or take them with you, they could wait in the corridor.. No, they're not allowed to.

Just either you or DH go. No, school don't accept that. Must be both parents together. Our neighbour will be home.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 04/02/2019 17:16

Well I think you leaving an immature 9 Yr old home alone with a 6 Yr old for an hour or more is the reason your DH doesn't understand why you can't leave him alone to pop to the local shop.

Personally don't think you should be leaving them on either occasion. Can DH not book time of when it's parents evening so he can have the kids if there's no famy support and neighbour won't actually babysit?

SleepingStandingUp · 04/02/2019 17:17

Cross posted

Just either you or DH go. No, school don't accept that. Must be both parents together so if you turned up on your own saying your DH was looking after your two primary school aged children, they'd refuse to speak to you? You need a better school

Bluntness100 · 04/02/2019 17:19

Gosh, you shouldn't be leaving a young nine year old home looking after a six year old. Hire a baby sitter like everyone else. 😱

Original poster
ForeignnessAlert · 04/02/2019 17:20

Can DH not book time of when it's parents evening
He does book time off. So he can come to parents' evening.

We are in a block of flats, our neighbour has an adjoining wall. We have crap sound insulation, she would hear if one of them shouted and she will pop her head round the door after 30 mins to check they are ok. They will be allowed to watch a film whilst we are gone. I could get home in 4 minutes, DH in 2, if need be. The school is literally next door.

I have never left them alone if I need to go somewhere far away enough that I need to take the car i.e. the shop.

OP posts:
Seeline · 04/02/2019 17:23

Would the 6 yo really know what to do if the older one fell over and knocked themself out? Or choked on something?
2 minutes is a long time in that sort of situation.
I cannot believe the school has to see both parents.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/02/2019 17:23

He does book time off
Yes I cross posted. I still don't think they should be left alone. If the neighbour is going to come in for every shout and bump I'd ask her to babysit and bribe her with cash / a bottle of wine / a tenner

Bluntness100 · 04/02/2019 17:24

What difference does it make if you need th car or not, you cannot leave Children this age alone.

How long have you been doing it?

formerbabe · 04/02/2019 17:26

That is absolutely bonkers that you both go to parents evening leaving two young children home alone.

Original poster
ForeignnessAlert · 04/02/2019 17:31

How long have you been doing it? Once in September. Leaving DS to pick up DD for about a year. Can be 100% certain that he will not move from the sofa if I put the iPad in his hands just before I leave.

Yes, I have previously been refused a parents evening because DH wasn't there.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/02/2019 17:32

The parents evening thing is bullshit. And I'm guessing you don't explain to the school the kids are alone. Otherwise they would report you for neglect.

And kids make a noise after or during the bad thing, not before.

Seeline · 04/02/2019 17:34

Are you in the UK? I just cannot believe the parents evening. What if parents are separated, one is ill, one is working away?

Original poster
ForeignnessAlert · 04/02/2019 17:40

The parents evening thing is bullshit.
Well thanks for that helpful comment. As it happens, you are wrong in your assumptions. It is not bullshit. It is the truth.
I have no idea what happens if parents are separated, I assume either parents go together or have separate appointments. We have to give dates when we are available so there is no issue about working away.
Until last time MIL watched the kids.

OP posts:
bigbluebus · 04/02/2019 17:44

What sort of school is this that gets to dictate to parents what they can and can't do?
I would not be leaving your DS home alone even if he was well never mind when he is throwing up and he is definitely not old enough to be responsible for his 6 year old sister.
Can the neighbour not sit in with the children and babysit?
Your DH is being an idiot expecting you to leave your DS on his own whilst you go shopping. And you need to seriously reconsider what you are already doing.