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Original poster

Am I being PFB?

68 replies

ForeignnessAlert · 04/02/2019 16:42

DS is 9 (with ASD, a bit young for his age). He was sent home from school today for not feeling well, and has just thrown up. We have food for tonight. DH, who only knew he had been sent home, called to see if he could get DS a dessert. I explained how he was etc and said we might need some food if I can't get to the shop tomorrow.
DH asked why I couldn't go to the shop tomorrow.
I said that if DS was still throwing up, I wouldn't be able to take him.
DH said I could leave him at home.
I told him not to be daft and of course I couldn't leave him at home if he was throwing up.
DH hung up on me in exasperation.

Apart from the fact that in all of his past illness bouts this is the first time he has managed to aim and hold the bowl himself, am I being pfb?

OP posts:

Gooseygoosey12345 · 04/02/2019 22:22

What!! My dd (8) is very mature for her age and no way would I leave her in the house alone. Ever. Let alone if she was sick. As for the parents evening, I'm not being funny but that's no excuse. Either you tell the school it'll be you alone then DH alone, or you don't go and just read the report. Ffs be responsible! If anything happened to them you'd be in serious trouble.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2019 00:23

Surely you can see why your husband is confused. No I wouldn't leave a vomiting 9 year old to get food but I'm much more likely to do that than leave him with a 6 year old while I go to parents evening. So you see why he thinks it's not a big deal?

^^ this

However, who made you responsible for doing all the food shopping. He needs to pull in his big girl pants and help out.

Are scho aware that because of their rules, your immature autistic 9 yo and your 6 are home alone unsupervised?

ReaganSomerset · 05/02/2019 00:34

9 yos really shouldn't be left in charge of younger siblings. Legally it's ok to do so, but if any harm comes to them while you're out it's neglect. I have referred similar scenarios for safeguarding.

Can't you get the neighbour to actually babysit? Or have the children go to the neighbour's flat?

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SoupDragon · 05/02/2019 07:29

Are scho aware that because of their rules, your immature autistic 9 yo and your 6 are home alone unsupervised?

It's not because of the school rules, it's because no babysitter was sorted.

Original poster

ForeignnessAlert · 05/02/2019 07:37

9 yos really shouldn't be left in charge of younger siblings
I wouldn't be leaving him in charge of her anyway. I would be leaving them together.

I would leave DD inside for 30 mins or so during the summer before checking if I was in the garden with DS and she didn't want to come out. Or vice versa. Is that also not allowed?

Re the choking, surely a recently vomiting child is more at risk of choking than a healthy child sat on the sofa?

OP posts:

adaline · 05/02/2019 07:43

I wouldn't be leaving him in charge of her anyway. I would be leaving them together.

Same difference. You can't leave two small children alone like that!

cansu · 05/02/2019 07:47

I call bullshit on the parents evening thing. There is no way school would refuse to see one parent alone. What they might do is not offer individual appointments to separated parents but there is no way they won't see just one parent.

SoupDragon · 05/02/2019 08:00

I wouldn't be leaving him in charge of her anyway. I would be leaving them together.

Don't be ridiculous.

Original poster

ForeignnessAlert · 05/02/2019 08:02

There is no way school would refuse to see one parent alone.. How unfortunate for you and your bullshit that there is a way.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 05/02/2019 08:03

I can see why your husband was confused because there is no logic in your thinking at all.

Anyone who thinks leaving a 6 year old alone obviously is pretty lax about such things

blah1blah2blah3blah4 · 05/02/2019 08:17

sometimes Mumsnet baffles me . . . OP i think you are fine

no i would not leave a vomitting 9 year old at home alone - their littles bodies become so lethargic and they need the help of someone being there.

I have left my 8 year old at home with my 5 year old whilst i have popped to the shops. They are super well behaved and usually found reading (in the same position i left them.) They're now 10 and 7 and walk home from school together, alone. They get in, have a snack and chill until i get home an hour later from work.

I am not a single parent. I work full time. I can afford childcare.
However i believe children need to be given independence and responsibility gradually.

Whether mumsnet agrees or not, my kids are well behaved and only i know what their boundaries are. And yes, friends do know what i do (as does the school) and most peoples response is simply, yes but your kids are sooo good . . . you dont even need to worry! Ours are different and would probably burn the house down.

Maybe thats true about my children . . . or maybe, that's come from slowly loosening the reins and trusting them

Original poster

ForeignnessAlert · 05/02/2019 08:17

because there is no logic in your thinking at all
Really? It seems logical to me what is not logical?

OP posts:

EvaHarknessRose · 05/02/2019 08:23

Back to the question...he’s in the supermarket, why wouldn’t he want to get something you have requested? Why should you have to get it on a seperate trip, that seems v selfish (which is odd as he rang to ask if a dessert was wanted).

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2019 08:44

what is not logical?
That if he's old enough and mature enough to look after a 6 Yr old he's old enough to stay on his own whilst you pop to the shops.

However, regardless, there's no reason he can't pop to the shop and get food.

SoupDragon · 05/02/2019 08:52

Maybe thats true about my children . . . or maybe, that's come from slowly loosening the reins and trusting them

Of course it is to do with what the children are like. My DS1 and DS2 are completely different in terms of trustworthiness/being sensible.

Original poster

ForeignnessAlert · 05/02/2019 09:32

Back to the question...he’s in the supermarket, why wouldn’t he want to get something you have requested? He wasn't actually in the supermarket Eva but could have gone on his way to the bus/train.

My logic:
Never leave a vomiting child
Never take a vomiting child to the shops
DS is ok at home for 30 minutes when I'm out picking up DD.
DD is ok inside for 30 minutes when I'm out in the garden with DS.
DS and DD do not generally move form the sofa once they are allowed their evening tv.
DS and DD are not allowed their iPads during the week. At weekends they are inseparable from them for a couple of hours if allowed.
--> DS and DD will be ok with some form of technology and the neighbour next door for 45 minutes.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2019 11:33

I'm reassured to hear I'm not being pfb

I can categorically assure you op you're the polar opposite of pfb.

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

The law on leaving your child on their own
The law doesn’t say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.
Use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, eg at home or in a car.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:

children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left a
Alone for a long period of time
children under 16 shouldn’t be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone
Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.

All we can do is hope they don't come to any harm, as you leave them. 😔

SoupDragon · 05/02/2019 11:41

DS and DD will be ok with some form of technology and the neighbour next door for 45 minutes.

They will probably be OK. They possibly might not. If they aren't, you can be in a lot of trouble, or worse.

I once left my very sensible 13 year old reading his 6 year old sister a bed time story whilst I picked up DS2 from a school disco. 15 minutes later I was back. DS1 was at the top of the stairs, traumatised, DD was in the bathroom covered in vomit. She had thrown up over him, herself, her bed and the iPad about 5 minutes after I left with no indication that she had been feeling ill. He was sensible enough to get her into the bathroom but that was it. They were fine and we laugh about it now but it was a wake up call for how quickly and easily things can go pear shaped.

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