Tips to stop me hating DH

[Mississippilessly]

Our son is 5 months and I hate my DH - completely irrationally.

We have always shared a bed but have been sleeping separately for the past 2 weeks as DS's sleep has gone to shit. DH leaving the bedroom was at my insistence as he needs sleep for work!
The bigger issue is that DS wont settle for him and is EBF, so u do the vast amount of care for him. Je doesn't nap in his crib during the day so I get v little downtime. DH baths him ever night and at weekends takes him as much as he can. But oh my goodness - he does everything wrong in my eyes and I honestly want to batter him. He puts a wash on but leaves important stuff out, cooks but doesn't wipe the shopping board etc down, buys the wrong things, suggests inadequate things for dinner etc. DS screamed this evening whilst DH was bathing him(I think he got shampoo in his eyes). I told DH I wished we'd never had children together. It was an awful thing to say. All these things he does are so minor but at the moment I find them and him so so grating. I feel like the mental.load of DS is just mine. I go to bed when he does and I'm so jealous of DH for having an evening.

We haven't had sex yet (we tried once but it hurt too kuch). I feel like it's a vicious circle and I'm becoming more and more 'me and DS'. DH says he knows he is just a supporting act at the moment and that's ok but he is trying.

I feel so bad tonight. Poor DH.
How can I learn to not want to kill him?! This isn't normal, I know.

@pallisers Best advice ever. Thanks, I took something from it.

It's pretty normal, I think. The key is to push through the rough bits and claim each other back when DC gets a bit older. Date nights, cuddles and having a proper honest chat have helped us. I think DH was ready to divorce me :(

You are both experiencing a HUGE life change. Just say to your DH “ This is hard isn’t it? I’m sorry if I don’t always speak kindly to you but this is what you can do to help “. The “ in it together “ approach is always best ( unless of course he really is an arse)

ALso check out the terms of his life insurance policy...

I think your DH is the problem here, he is making you feel anxious and overwrought by wanting to sit and not interact or put your DS first.

He isnt putting you first - he is putting himself first.

I'm really, really trying. Last night I made myself hug him and he stayed on our bed til about 3 and I couldn't get DS to settle without cosleeping.

I decided my 3 non-negotiables were changing him immediately after a poo, not leaving him unattended on his change mat (it's high and DS is nearly rolling) and not leaving him in the bath (DHdid this once last week to get a towel, DS was crying so DH's logic was he could hear him but I think that's a slippery slope). So I said I would like to negotiate. He lightheartedly said 'so this isnt a negotiation, it's you giving me orders . I let that go. I started with the change mat and said he could roll off in 30 seconds so you just cant leave him. His response was 'well surely I can for 30 seconds?'I then had to explain that that was an arbitrary figure. I asked him why he has to argue everything and he said he was 'querying'. I said I was trying to have a normal conversation. He said normal conversations dont involve giving orders.

He's taken DS for a walk. I was going to go for a swim but he has moved the swim bag and I dont know where it is. I also put know if he has keys to get back in. I've tried phoning but he clearly doesn't have his phone on him.

I'm so done.

I might as well clean the kitchen or bathroom or Hoover given DH hadnt done any of those things.

Did he deliberately move the bag

And the things you want should be obvious it’s voncerning they are not and he is making you doubt yourself

No no sorry that was badly worded of me.

I told DH I wished we'd never had children together

Did you apologise?

Yes

Presumably though you meant his father skills rather than ds

Yes (though after the 6th wake up of the night I do start to wonder wtf I have done)

You never leave a baby alone in the bath. That's terrifying. Dp does stuff like the changing table/bed though and thinks I'm asking a fuss!

spangly I think (God I hope) he knows this. But I just thought I would reiterate...

Honestly Hun your not wrong I thought my dp was a bit crap but this is pretty awful. What your doing is basic safety stuff - do once didn't fasten the car seat properly and I noticed and rang and told him, he was mortified and hasn't done it again. If I did something dangerous I hope he'd tell me not too!

I dont think he would do it again. His logic was that he could hear him crying and was about 5 seconds away. I saw his point but just didnt want it to become a thing.

He fell over in the sling today. His side is so bruised where he twisted to protect DS.

Oh god, my first went through the 4 month sleep regression from 12 weeks and it lasted 8 weeks (pfb). She woke every 45 mins for the first couple of weeks and I honestly thought it was going to break me. I clearly remember fucking DESPISING my partner after the eleventy billionth wake up by 1am. He slept peacefully (refused to sleep in the spare room as he "wanted to help" but he didn't stir at all - the first thing he asked every morning was "how was last night?")
It does pass, I found when my ratbag first started to sleep better I was able to tolerate sleeping beauty better. I hope this particular phase passes quickly for you, it's rotten!

My DH never took the normal safety stuff seriously.
It added considerably to my mental load.