Playgroups and other bonkers things you find yourself doing with a baby

[Millenialblamegame]

Today I brought my precious child to baby sensory class, where, on the instructions of the leader, I placed her arse first into a huge tray of spaghetti.

This is supposed to help develop their fine motor skills, and presumably has all sorts of other benefits, but still, there we were, staring at our babies sitting in this vat of cooked spaghetti, like a squad of slightly hairy meatballs.

Next week, apparently, it is cream. We've already had glittery oats, and raspberry scented flour and oil. Babies were bemused, but seemed to like these things.

We went to another group where we all sang songs about ridiculously stubborn spiders, as we waved the baby's arms around in the appropriate actions. Grown women, singing about spiders. Baby massage, where we are all instructed to solemnly anoint tiny flailing limbs with an assortment of oils.

This is all completely mad, isn't it? I absolutely love it. Maternity leave is like a study in surrealism

Totally mad. Great of you love it. I hated it and craved normality. When your child is older you’ll look back and think WTF was I doing!

arse first into a huge tray of spaghetti

See also: “painting” activities when they basically want to just drink the paint.

I love the “hairy meatballs”!
But good grief - I’m glad we didn’t have that 30 years ago, OP. I found the mother and toddler group ghastly enough - never went back after the first visit. I was relieved to get back to work (and normal life!) after four months. Still, each to their own.

Oh God I remember a baby group I went to with DS1 doing one of those 'sensory' days. My Ds screamed like mad every time a bit of spaghetti or jelly or whatever came into contact with him and I spent the whole time sitting in the corner of the room comforting him. My friend's baby managed to eat most of that sensory experience by the fistful .

Definitely nothing more surreal than sitting on the floor of a church hall singing wind the bobbin up with a group of grown women (while the babies either cry or crawl away).

I'm so nostalgic for those days, it almost makes me want to have another baby just to get my 3rd baby massage certificate to add to my wall of achievements .

I've had to quit some baby groups, because of the huge tray of 'sensory play' shite......like shaving foam etc. My kids run to it, shoes and coats still on, fall into it (the tray has a handy tripping edge) and then I'm offered a single baby wipe to fix it.

I even started to hate the mums who's kids could actually play normally and not be like pigeons on crack.

So, yanbu!

My least favourite week was where they filled a paddling pool with Baby Custard, and by the time we got home the streaks I hadn't wiped off had sort of congealed. I had to use an exfoliating mitt to get it all off.

They're just laughing at the easy ways to make money out of new parents.

This has really made me smile.

I haven't done any groups yet but we did go to center parcs last week. I was nearly crying at DH in baby dolphins swim class singing along to if your happy and you know it splash the instructor. Splash not drown DH

Ha ha ha I’m 37 weeks pregnant with my 2nd and can’t wait to embrace the madness of strange baby groups again
It is the most bizarre time of your life the babies get zero out of it I’m sure but it gets you out of the house

I took my youngest to one of those messy sensory classes, and paid £8 for her to eat her own body weight in green jelly.
Dh was very confused at bathtime that night, she had green stains and hundreds and thousands everywhere
Never again, she was green for about a week, and the nappies were hideous for almost the same length of time.

Yep I have to say putting babies into spaghetti is pretty mad. How much did you pay for this "experience"?
If you love it fine but really a good old fashioned playgroup with some space, a few toys to explore, a little sibg song at the end and other children/parents to socialise with is really all that's needed. Baby probably would prefer it to sitting on cold spaghetti or getting flavoured flour up their nose. 😂

I planned to take DD to baby music classes to develop her musical genius. We attended a taster session where I kneeled on the floor and sang "The Wheels on the bus" while she crawled off and ignored it all.
I decided it wasn't worth the money.

Oh god yes...I was at a playgroup with my then 3 month old sleeping animatedly singing the Grand Old Duke of York. I caught my friend biting her lip with laughter (she didn't join in). Its totally surreal! I find it a strange time anyway, maternity leave, like regular life is on pause. I'm quite tempted by the idea of sticking my baby in a vat of cooked spaghetti.......am a bit sorry I've never been to one of those classes. I've signed up for a baby massage class and imagined using a bottle of lovely massage oil I got as a gift when he was born. Instead the course leader suggested vegetable or sunflower oil. When she told me this, luckily over the phone, I had visions of basting him with oil like a chicken to be roasted and burst out laughing. Think I succesafully turned it into a cough...

Oh the baby message where you have to ask your 6 week old baby’s permission good grief.

@BareBelliedSneetch

I noticed this too. What the actual fk? I thought it was a joke surely?

No I don't do that expensive bollox. I go to the ones where you leave your kid on the carpet and drink tea with nice men and women. They charge a few quid.

Ahhh, memories.

SAY HELLOOOO TO THE SUN, SHINING DOWN ON MEEEEE...

Glad baby sensory wasn't around when mine were that age. They seem to have genuinely convinced a couple of my friends that these (expensive) classes are a vital first step on the pathway to academic success.

I remember the HV telling me to use olive oil on my newborn's peely skin, we called him the oven-ready baby

I was sceptical at first but now I’m top of the class at baby groups and know all the songs at rhyme time. I remember taking DD when she was about 4 weeks old.. thinking I’ll never become ‘that Mum’.

If you can’t beat them, join them.

You've just brought it all back for me OP. I currently have 2 under 2 so all this is my norm at the moment, but I do remember thinking what the actual F when I first started taking DD1

No wonder my brain has gone to mush since having them!

whitelisbon that made me laugh! Green baby. I can imagine the horror of changing nappies.

@ohsweet I just burst out laughing. Not long home from baby sensory singing SAY HELLO TO THE SUN with accompanying baby sign hand movements completely nuts

I know just what you mean, with my eldest I had a sort of out of body experience where I watched myself singing “I love the flowers because they gladden mean” while waving my DD’s teeny tiny limbs in an attempt at baby sign language and wondered WTF I was doing!

I only went once to Baby Sensory. I couldn't cope with the Teletubbies song. The lady had double sided puppets (two different Teletubbies back to back on each puppet) and sang the theme tune whilst turning her hands back and forth. The other NCT mums I went with signed up for the term!

(I say this as someone who works with under 5s and is used to belting out Wind the Bobbin Up on a near daily basis at work!)