Playgroups and other bonkers things you find yourself doing with a baby

[Millenialblamegame]

Today I brought my precious child to baby sensory class, where, on the instructions of the leader, I placed her arse first into a huge tray of spaghetti.

This is supposed to help develop their fine motor skills, and presumably has all sorts of other benefits, but still, there we were, staring at our babies sitting in this vat of cooked spaghetti, like a squad of slightly hairy meatballs.

Next week, apparently, it is cream. We've already had glittery oats, and raspberry scented flour and oil. Babies were bemused, but seemed to like these things.

We went to another group where we all sang songs about ridiculously stubborn spiders, as we waved the baby's arms around in the appropriate actions. Grown women, singing about spiders. Baby massage, where we are all instructed to solemnly anoint tiny flailing limbs with an assortment of oils.

This is all completely mad, isn't it? I absolutely love it. Maternity leave is like a study in surrealism

When Ds was a baby we had mash potato play. All I really remember of it is him growling at any other baby that joined him.

Every group after that as he grew he spent the time at the messy play would eat whatever it was and refused to play with anything else.

ohsweet I loved those classes but only one involved spaghetti...

As a test to my DD who was singing the toddler sense song the other night despite having not been for a year I put the “say hello” song on (she’s coming up to 3, last did baby sensory on her 1st birthday) and she was signing away straight away so they might get more out of it than it seems...

I like baby groups, different toys and a big space.
I went to one sensory class. Oh boy.
One tray had water and foam so of course DC went ahead and spilt water everywhere
I told the leader and she went "oh! "
Was she f>^$ kidding?
Then oats, great idea next to the water
They were all soaked, rolled in oats and paint and cold.
She didn't do much.

Then I went to a different one. Oh dear
Constantly changing theme and songs and so much stuff! Scarves, lights, puppets...

Just thinking about it stresses me out

I wouldn’t put my baby into a tray of cream. He’ll absolutely reek of sour milk! I still feel sick thinking of when the HV told me to use coconut oil for his peeling skin. He smelled like a rancid coconut for days.

O.M.G!!! Yes! I stupidly signed up to baby massage and mine spent the whole time feeding. Latest is baby density for which I’ve paid £90 for a term and been to the grand total of 1 class. I’m not going back - it’s a load of bloody bollocks and that say hello to the sun song makes me want to shoot the instructor and myself. What a waste!!! The money would’ve been better spent on a vat of wine and mountain of cake!!!

Baby density 😂

😂😂😂😂 this thread is brilliant! I tried a couple of classes with mye toddler when he was younger. He hates them all

I'm pregnant again and doubt I'll bother this time. I'll just take toddler to usual activities and baby can tag along :)

baby density for dense babies?! 😂

First baby gets taken to all the classes
Second baby gets taken along to the toddler group or the playground with it’s older sibling
Third baby gets taken to Tescos

I loved baby sensory and toddler sense
But water babies, pure torture of having your child cling onto your neck with their little pinchy fingers while singing to them before attempting to drown them and then paying £££ for the privilege

Yeah you don't do any of that with your second

Glad I missed out on the baby sensory trend. I'd say the worst is when you make it to a toddler group on a cold morning when nobody else had bothered to leave the house. So you end up singing a sad duet with the leader of the group for 45 minutes. As your child ignores it all and tries to dump the contents of your handbag onto the floor.

My toddler was reprimanded by the group leader for shoving a fistful of pasta shapes in her mouth. Poor dd just thought it was snack time

JellyBabies taken to Tesco

I think this thread has cured my baby lust

😂😂😂 I love your take on this - yes! Really positive. I HATED all that but this thread has brought me joy. Another like minded person who thought wtf is this all about. Second time around I did diddly squat of all that. Took me and the little one off to London Town to do art galleries and what not, or sat on the sofa in my pjs eating biscuits and watching crap. Much better.

I never did baby sensory but I did end up at 2 different baby massage classes (I'd already booked and paid for one when I was invited to a free one by the local premmie charity). I did enjoy them but I think only once managed to get through the whole routine without having to stop for a feed /calm screeching child.
We still go swimming, which he used to love but now hates but I keep forgetting to cancel the direct debit

The only thing worse than being bored and knackered at a playgroup is being bored and knackered on your own at home (for me anyway).

I would have paid money even if they sat me in the spaghetti. Anything to get out of the house.

I did singing class and massage with precious newborn. Didn't bother for second. Time and money were under more pressure.

Omg baby density - meant to say baby sensory!!!! Though my baby is rather dense and so will all the others be if the eat the spaghetti they were sat in!!!

Oh yes haven't even done swimming for second. He has eczema and it just exacerbates it

I took DD to a baby signing class at 6 months because "they're never too young to learn". Paid £6 quid for a cup of cheap coffee and a custard cream, the class consisted of singing 3 songs and some "getting to know you" shit. Spent the whole time explaining that no, she isn't a newborn she was preemie and yes it is ok that she's eating rice cakes

I remember the HV telling me to use olive oil on my newborn's peely skin, we called him the oven-ready baby

I did that once but then craved chips all day

If you can't beat them
No, sadly they frown on that. Can't see why. Surely being hit with a stick can be classed as "sensory"?

Ha! The most surreal one thus far has definitely been Baby College. Swinging baby to whack a football around the circle in order to teach them to kick...

Quite like baby sensory, baby massage, baby swimming and playgroup though.

Now show your babies the sign for sun!

Hahaha! I was just thinking about the sheer bonkersness of asking your not-yet-full-term baby’s permission to massage them. Happy days.

And I found I got a bit institutionalised and started feeling really cross when people used the wrong Makaton signs in Twinkle, Twinkle.

😂😂 I loved baby swimming but hated the rest.
I guess because my baby loved the swimming (still does)