Ridiculous demands from work

[marymarkle]

What ridiculous demands has a workplace made on you?
I left a job a few month ago that insisted I print off and file every email with clients, even though all emails with clients also had to be saved in files on a server. And it really was every email, including emails arranging meetings.
Surely there must be other ridiculous workplaces out there?

Oh pants always mistakes in a post about grammar

40 people
Allowed

Oh and I was on holiday in America with my mum on September 11 2011.

We were due to fly back on Sept 12, but due to all international flights being cancelled we didn’t get on plane until 5 days later.

My boss was lovely and said I didn’t need to cancel my Christmas holiday dates or take it unpaid. My mums boss made her take the extra days unpaid.

I edit the website but the back end is not compatible with the old version of IE. I downloaded Chrome and they blocked it. I had a 3 week long row with IT until I went to the chief exec (what a fucking waste of ceo time!). Obviously he overruled IT. They also removed sound cards which makes video sharing tricky and then blocked social media. You may have guessed by now, I manage our public facing social media channels. IT manager took my boss to one side and said "I walked into your office the other day and Dragons was on YouTube and then Facebook" my boss said, "excellent, sounds like she's doing her job then!" IT manager was
They do what I ask now

At my office no two people can be on holiday at the same time - fair enough, it's a small office (though I did have to once beg a colleague to swap after they accidentally booked the week of my wedding and honeymoon!) - but the boss insists all leave must be taken in mon-fri blocks. You are not allowed to take a day here and there.

It's going to be interesting when I go back after Mat leave and my reduced hours means I have two and a half days left over after dividing the rest in fives.

I used to work for a housing association (obviously an organisation that should be putting their tenants needs first and helping those in hardship) who would arrange meetings at their central London office that everyone would be obliged to attend, most of us lived between 2-3 hours train journey away so on train fares alone the cost to get to these meetings would be between £50-£80 per person plus station parking and time. The meetings would generally last an hour with an M&S platter that no one would touch as they would want to rush home to avoid the rush hour following the pointless meeting.

One of the PAs nearly fainted when I suggested that we give the leftover and untouched food to some of the homeless people sleeping outside the office doors!

@XmasPudPlsd
I worked for a charity that loved to waste money on pointless meetings and food. Small parts of the organisation dotted around the country but meetings always planned for London or Manchester.
Oh what fun and expense it was to get me by train from Swaffham to Manchester. Always had to go by train as driving there wasn't allowed. So usually involved an overnight stay. All for info that could have been given via teleconference.
Mind you senior managers loved to waste money in two day residential meetings for themselves. Made me very jaundiced about working for them. Core costs were ridiculously high.

Ooh, another.... same company.

When asked if we could order some more comfortable chairs when the new yearly budget was granted, as the current ones were awful and we did 12 hr shifts, we were told no. The manager displayed zero shame in informing us we were intentionally given uncomfortable seating to PREVENT us from "getting too comfortable" as it could lead to us "falling asleep on the job"

AND the all-male members of management voted to move the Christmas office party to a summer date in July or August, and I quote, "...because all the women will be wearing less clothing"

I was hired as a PA for a complete lazy fucker. He regularly didn’t turn up for meetings with me, locked himself in his office to play computer games and had me cover for him. Customers usually saw right through his “oh, your mail went into my spam folder” bullshit when he didn’t get back to him. It was so embarrassing to work for this flake, when a customer offered me a job I was out in a flash!

I confess, one April Fools Day I put up notices on all the loo doors saying that employees had to sign in and sign out of the loo, noting times of arrival and departure. There was uproar; the Managing Director got involved, and had to officially deny that this was company policy. Luckily, no-one knew it was me. Some of our other policies were so daft that apparently this one didn't seem out of place.

I think charities that waste money should be named and shamed !
My son works for a large USA company and you would be appalled at the money that is wasted. There are project leaders with no projects; managers that do everything to avoid doing their jobs properly and people appointed to jobs that they have no experience of at all. As for training and gaining qualifications, there is very little of it and when it does happen they will not pay for anyone to take the exams. But they do have a policy of no redundancies because they don't want to pay out !

I had a job in finance the finance director wouldn't authorise any payments he would make me go and get the managing director to authorise and authorise I mean sign every payment. The trouble was MD was hardly ever in the office so I was constantly getting suppliers chasing me and me having to say waiting for payment to be authorised .
Also my FD would make sure all invoices were authorised by being signed a email confirming the payment was not enough it had to be signed . I was always running around round the company trying to get payments or invoices signed. I think it was just a delay tactic so he didn't have to pay anyone. I've worked in finance for years so know how it works but honestly it was so hard to get anyone paid and I used to have to take all the flack .

Let's see...

Bar job I had at while at uni. Owner made us wear Strongbow t-shirts that a rep had left in the hopes of getting him to sell it. He didn't and the amount of times I was asked for a pint of Strongbow that weekend still didn't make him change his mind. Stupid man kept stocking some unknown brand nearly out of date he'd had off the back of a lorry. It was still in the cooler long out of date when I left. Cut our pay and made us include our tips as part of our pay as he wasn't making enough money.

Job I had after Uni while applying for a decent job was in a local factory making health drinks. Boss's girlfriend told me on the first day that she only employed me as I was the "ugliest" applicant and no threat to her!

Same place had brought old stock from their old factory. Sent it to Boots but the pallets were returned because of short dates. I had to get agency workers in over a weekend (when there were no regular staff around) to take the dates off the bottom of the cans in order to re-run them through for better dates. Oh, the irony of this being marketed as a health drink.

Same place again employed workers on a government grant meant to re-train from lost industry and that would pay their first three months' wages. Those workers were then sacked for some made up problem and new workers were brought in on the same grant. Went on for over a year. Must've cost the government a fortune as it saved the company a fortune.

Those blokes were decent, hard-working men some of whom were looking for their first job for decades since leaving school. They were treated like shite and sacked without references. Factory owner and his girlfriend were a right pair of twats.

I was a petrol-pump attendant on weekends while in school. I was groped while pumping petrol and even cornered in the office while one old perve came in to sign his account and then tried to kiss me. The boss was shocked when I complained and told me I should be flattered and encourage it.

I've had a few good jobs (one in the NHS where the waste both of time and money by some staff is staggering) since then. I did think the days of shite bosses would have been over by now. Reading this thread they're clearly not.

I once temped in a large family law practice in the City, just for a day answering the switchboard (which nobody told me how to use and I'd never seen before, it was antiquated). At lunchtime, all the female staff came into the reception area and had a "group cry" because of their distressing cases. I didn't know where to look. Never been so glad to get out there.

In a permanent role, I was a PA to the senior partner. He wanted me to go into work on Boxing Day to type an urgent document. I told him I wasn't prepared to do that (and I was VERY flexible the rest of the year and wasn't paid overtime). I managed to source a temp to come in and do the work. She cancelled on Christmas Day evening. I went in didn't I? Partner didn't even turn up. I am sure it was a control thing.

Oh and another one...as a very naive 19 year old, I got what I thought was a fab job in a London advertising agency. When I started, it became clear that the owner had left his wife for his secretary and she had turned into some power crazed lunatic because she was "with him". She took an instant dislike to me even though I was no threat to her (he was the same age as my Dad and hideously unattractive). Anyway, I had to ask for a morning off to attend a doctors appointment several weeks into my role (smear test). Boss's GF questioned me as to how important this appointment was so I was just straight with her and said I needed to go for a smear and I'd be in straight after. She waited until the end of the day to make an announcement about a really important client presentation in the morning but that I wouldn't be there because "she's the sort of person who needs a smear test". I cannot describe my embarrassment or that of my colleagues. She was a nasty, malignant bitch. I handed in my notice in a few days later. I later heard that so many staff left because of her that the agency collapsed.

My DF aged 75 nearly died on New Year's Day (peritonitis). I had a very tough job with zero perks. The only 'benefit' was paid compassionate leave if close family were in mortal danger. I took 2 days off to sit with Dad to see if he'd live.

While I was in ITU dealing with Dad & his subsequent heart attack, the HR director changed the policy on the server to make it unpaid leave. Then docked my pay. 3 months' running I was underpaid.

She denied having changed it but was too stupid to see the server date and time log. My dept invented that server and sold it to the Govt. for 6 figures - the big plus was you could track everything.

Despite the regular 6 figure cash injections from the Cabinet Office, the firm went bust after I left. She lost a lot of money.

I remain delighted.

Some years ago the Head Teacher decreed that no teaching staff could use the photocopier. Not even for one off copies.

There was a system of filling in chits and clipping them to the material you wanted copying. Your work and the original would then be returned to your pigeon hole at some time.

This caused a lot of inconvenience to teaching and support staff alike.

I decided to spoof this system for phone use. I made a notice, phone forms, everything and pinned them up near the Head’s section of the staff room notice board.

It stated that no staff could make phone calls themselves. They would need to fill in a sheet saying who was to be called and what needed to be said, a member of the office would then make the call and then fill in the sheet with the persons response.

It hit the right buttons with some staff. It was a very plausible spoof. One of my friends, who as hd of year used the phones lot, took it in hook line and sinker. He was effing and blinding all day.

I ended up with a jug of water poured on me when he found out.

It wasn’t long before we used the photocopier again.

The whole department taken into an office and told we had to save two peoples salary and each take a pay cut. Then our manager pointed at two people and said “If you don’t these two will be out of a job”
It was less than 10 years ago as well - we all took a pay cut .

I was threatened with a disciplinary for kissing my long term boyfriend. Out of work hours. Out of uniform. Out of the work place. The reason? Other customers may recognise me and think I was trading products for sex. My boss at the time was (and still is) single.

Oh and another one. The same boss. Often if we had customers in who drank a medium/highend wine (basically not 'house' or other popular wines), he insisted we pour cheaper wine into the empty branded wine bottles when we were running low. His logic was that after one bottle, they wouldn't know the difference anyway, plus wine is made from grapes so it's all the same really. I refused and pointed out how this was illegal and he sent me home.

I've been lucky that I've never had a truly terrible demand from a job.

For a truly horrendous one, watch 'Fyre - the greatest party that never happened' and wait for Andy King's water story. I won't spoil it....

The only ridiculous one I had was when I temped in a civil service office. Unbelievably boring and all I had to do was type. Except I didn't have much to type and was expected to 'look busy' at all times. Even after asking and being told there was fuck all to do...

The perm staff were allowed to listen to music on earphones but temps weren't (?!). My highlight was when my manager
(a hideous woman who clearly hated temps and anyone who could type faster than 10 words per
min and was the only person 'allowed' to answer the phone) picked on me. She loudly told me off in front of the office for listening to 'horrible music' when I should have been typing up letters. (She conveniently ignored the rest of the floor who pretty much all had earphones in to combat the crushing boredom).

When I rather indignantly replied that I had not only finished all of my work and was actually listening to the afternoon play on R4, she actually patted my shoulder and said that was perfectly fine then. Bonkers.

Kendodds The whole department taken into an office and told we had to save two peoples salary and each take a pay cut. Then our manager pointed at two people and said “If you don’t these two will be out of a job”
It was less than 10 years ago as well - we all took a pay cut

This wouldn't look out of place on an episode of ' The Office'!!!!

@Biancadelriosback I had a boss do that with wine too.
He was disgusting to boot. He used to go to the toilet at the back of the kitchens to pee and never once did I ever see him wash his hands. EVER. We knew this because he never closed the door so we got a clear view of his back when pissing. That's bad enough but he refused to allow me to use a small glass or a spoon to put ice into the drinks glasses. You had to do it with bare hands. He went crazy if he saw me using anything to handle the ice without touching it. At least my hands were clean I suppose. His weren't.

Most nights we'd run out of chilled wine (insufficient fridge space). To chill the wine, he poured it into a pint glass of ice (below the bar where customers couldn't see) then pour it back through his pissy filthy fingers like a strainer into a second glass.
I ended up with cracked bleeding hands because I overcompensated by constantly washing them. I had to quit.

Bastard kept all the tips too. I'd make a couple of hundred in tips a night (unbelievably this was an expensive and exclusive restaurant. Oh if only the guests knew....) and he took every penny.

It's closed down now thank God. I hope he has found a different, non food and drink related career these days.

Oh and I was on less than national minimum wage. He gave me the job for a set salary. I quickly realised that the expected hours were quite different to the real hours.

Weekly meetings with team leader where you would rate yourself on idiotic subjects like ‘enthusiam’ or ‘being a team player’ and discuss how you could improve ...

North Korean defectors who are old enough to have been there when there was still work talk about the "Self Criticism" sessions. You are expected to spend several hours at your work place describing what you did wrong that week and how you could improve. They say how awful it was for morale and how they would simply make things up to get through the sessions.

Its only a matter of time before businesses adopt the second part of the sessions which is dobbing in your workmates, in front of everyone, and telling them how they should improve.