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Original poster

How honest are you with your teens regarding your sex life when you were younger?

58 replies

BigSandyBalls2015 · 29/01/2019 19:07

DD has just asked me out the blue how many sexual partners I had had by the time I was 17 (her age). I was a bit taken aback as she’s usually very averse to any straight talking ..... I have to get her in the car to chat about anything important .... so I just mumbled something about being a late starter Smile.

Wondering now if I should have had a proper convo as maybe she’s worried about something but I’m not sure sharing details of my private life is the way forward!

OP posts:
Bumblebeewine · 29/01/2019 19:19

Tbh I think it's nice she's comfortable asking you, I'd be mortified to ask my mum at that age! I would probably be open but not specific if you weren't wanting to divulge the exact number and see if there's anything worrying her Smile

Bumblebeewine · 29/01/2019 19:22

Sorry, forgot to add that my DD isn't two yet so not had those kind of conversations yet Grin

BillywilliamV · 29/01/2019 19:24

I will be honest if they ever ask, but l have only had 7 sexual partners. It's a very exclusive club :)

Fazackerley · 29/01/2019 19:24

I don't discuss it. It's never come up. I've discussed old boyfriends in passing. I have three teen dds and a ds

Bohbell · 29/01/2019 19:33

Make up what you want them to believe. Virgin until 21. Loving relationships. Safe every time. No, no pregnancy scares to speak of. Never out of the bedroom. Certainly not whilst on drugs. Definitely not into double figures. Always faithful. Never the truth. God, no.

DelurkingAJ · 29/01/2019 20:44

I expect to tell them the truth. My DM answered my questions truthfully (and noted, when I told her at 17 I was going on the pill, that ‘if it isn’t fun, dump him!’ Which I rate as some of the best sex and relationship advice I’ve ever had). Always open so I was open back, even when I’d been a fool.

Nnnnnineteen · 29/01/2019 21:20

Mine is 13. We have had a vague discussion...
Her - I remember when I was little and I thought magic made a baby in your tummy then you told me about s e x and I knew Nanny and granddad did it twice but you only did it once.
Me - we tried for 7 years to have a baby. That means 7 years of s e x.
Her - aagh urgh no no!!! Gross!!!

I don't think she will ask more any time soon.

Original poster
BigSandyBalls2015 · 29/01/2019 21:29

GrinGrin love these!

OP posts:
Lycanthropology · 29/01/2019 21:43

I agree with Bohbell‘s approach!

To heck with truthfulness and honesty here that is for questions about where babies come from. But your sex life isn’t your child’s or anyone else’s business; you don’t owe them openness about it.

AlexaAmbidextra · 29/01/2019 21:47

I wouldn’t have thought it was any of their business tbh.

legolimb · 29/01/2019 21:47

I don't think your DC need to know actually.

Neither do they need details of any shady pasts.

My DS is 21 and knows very little of the shenanigans I used to get up to. I'm sure if he really wanted to know he would ask.

Ploppymoodypants · 29/01/2019 21:59

Hmmm I agree to a certain extent that’s it’s none of their business.

However I was always led to believe my mum didn’t have sex until she was married which led to me thinking she was v naive and inexperienced and thus I never asked her advice or took notice of anything she said about boyfriends and sex as I assumed she didn’t know what she was talking about.

When I was 25 she admitted she had been married before my dad and had partners in in between. It’s a shame she kept that from me for so long as I would have been more inclined to think she understood me and my situations more.

I have had a fair amount of sex with different partners, some FWB, some one night stands and 3 long term relationships. Sex is lots of fun when done safely, and consensual, and I want my DD’s to have a fun and fulfilling sex life when they ate old enough and ready. So I will be honest and open about any questions they have, but won’t push info on them.

sollyfromsurrey · 29/01/2019 21:59

Alexa and Lego, no, it's not any of their business but for the sake of an open communicative relationship with older children, it's not always going to be helpful just to shut then down any time they want to ask you about your personal stuff. I'm pretty open and honest with mine. After all, their relationships are quite frankly none of my business but I would like to know stuff. I'm not going to get far if I just tell them 'it's none of your business' when they ask me about mine.

Lycanthropology · 29/01/2019 22:03

Well you wouldn’t say “it’s none of your business“ to your child, solly, but perhaps take the dodging or skating round the issue approach. Maybe giving away a little!

My DC would probably be horrified if they knew!

legolimb · 29/01/2019 22:26

Well my DS is now 21 so if he did ask me I would tell him.

He hasn't though.

We talked openly about puberty, growing up, periods etc from him being young. So no barriers.

Sparklingbrook · 29/01/2019 22:28

I have two teenagers and the subject has never come up. I have no idea about my own parents and wouldn't dream of asking TBH.

AlexaAmbidextra · 30/01/2019 04:31

After all, their relationships are quite frankly none of my business but I would like to know stuff. I'm not going to get far if I just tell them 'it's none of your business' when they ask me about mine.

Solly. So you’d tell them about your sexual past as a trade off because you want to poke your nose into theirs?

YeOldeTrout · 30/01/2019 04:48

At some point I must have told DD I was 19 which she said back to me other day; I try to say less nowadays. They really just want to talk about themselves so I encourage that instead with something vague about me & turn convo back to them & their concerns.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 30/01/2019 04:56

All my kids would ever need to know was that I used a condom with every single one, and had sex and sexual partners to suit me, no one else.

Butteredghost · 30/01/2019 05:34

I really was a boring virgin who never did anything. So I'd probably lie and say I did more, so they don't think I'm out of touch. I think 3 partners sounds about right Smile

explodingkitten · 30/01/2019 06:21

I will lie about some things. I had sex too young and for the wrong reasons. I don't want that to be normal in someones eyes.

treaclesoda · 30/01/2019 06:27

I wouldn't even discuss that with my best friend, never mind my children. There's not a person alive apart from me who knows when I first had sex or with whom.

In the very unlikely event that they ask I'd just talk to them about boundaries instead and how asking people about their sex lives is staggeringly rude.

EngagedAgain · 30/01/2019 06:52

I am of a generation where you wouldn't dream of talking to parents about sex at all, what your getting up to yourself, let alone their sex life. I know things have changed, and on the sex ed side is a good thing, but there are some things that are well - just private, imo. And that I mean also the other way round, from child to parent. I don't think I'm a prude, I just don't want the DETAILS.

prampushingdownthehighst · 30/01/2019 07:05

I have a good relationship with my Dd's but wouldnt discuss this with them to be honest.
My friend however is very open with her girls.....horses for courses I suppose.

AJPTaylor · 30/01/2019 07:13

I am firmly of the view that anyone's sex life is private and not up for discussion. One of my kids asked once, I was very much a " none of your business"response.