A bit of perspective on having three children...

[Blondie87]

Hello,

I’ve been backwards and forwards for about a year as to whether to go for a third. Some days there is no doubt in my mind that we are meant to be a family of 5 and I’m raring to go; other times I’m completely the other way and so relieved I’m finally getting out the fog of early parenthood!

Strangely, I’ve found that I’m spending a disproportionate amount of time thinking about it, weighing up the pros and cons etc. I know deep down this is rather academic brigade you’d never procreate if you based it on that! So I’d love to hear about having three, the good, the bad and the ugly!

Wanted to update as the OP. I’m currently 14 weeks’ pregnant with number 3! I’m excited and terrified in equal measure. Thank you for all your experiences!

Congratulations
Tbh I found going from 1-2 harder than 2-3 because the other two had each other to play with and were very close already.
I find the opposite of other posters I don’t think I’ve ever had a situation of two hanging up on one in fact of two fall out at least the other two are still talking.

My 3 are 5, 7 and 10.

Hard parts: when they were really young. It was super full on exhausting.
Cost of childcare, bigger car, wanting a bigger house etc.

Fun stuff:
They get on really well with each other. Mine play really nicely most of the time - I am quite strict on routine, I think you have to be. But they bounce off each other in funny clever ways. They always have someone to play with.

I think they will be fab adult siblings.

We knew we wanted more than 2. We wanted that busy house feel, and even though it's mad sometimes and logistically tricky when they're all meant to be places at the same time - we do love it.

I have three girls and there is no more than three years between them.

Early years tough. We have no help and DH crap with no sleep. I don’t know how I coped.

Lovely now. They play well. We try to do the same stuff at the same time eg swimming and dancing although that will lessen are they are older. We live in a little town where folk can help with lifts etc.

Holidays and days out are more expensive but I LOVE our noisy and chaotic home. It’s full of love.

Wouldn’t change it for anything

Ooh - old thread. Congrats!! You won’t regret it!

Now we've just finished university first degree years I'm so glad we stopped at two!

Both DDs are going into Masters then PhDs (needed for one career, wanted for the other but will make a difference further down the line), and we can help support them without ending up in the poor house.

We get time with each DD, both together and apart, and with their partners.

I'd always envisioned having three, but two has matched beautifully our both our energy and finance levels.

Nobody needs three children! The planet with thank you for sticking to two!

I had always wanted 3, but with a 5 year gap between 2 and 3. That ended up a 10 year gap. Gorgeous in Many ways however, oldest is 24. Youngest is 11 and we are still stuck with school hols etc.

I say go for it - you'll probably regret it in the future if you don't but I'm sure you wouldn't regret having a third. Mine are 19, 15 and 13 and yes it's noisy and busy but I've never wished I'd stuck at two.

Mine are 15,13,10
Obviously issues re:housing, cars, travel, holidays etc etc Even going to the cinema it’s always a family ticket for 4 and an extra.
Then there’s that difference in interests and activities. I am now out most nights and at least half the weekend ferrying them to different clubs, classes, friends etc as is DH.
Weirdly the eldest and youngest spend the biggest time together as they are very alike in terms of personality and interests. So I really have a middle child syndrome going on 😢 and they are a tricky kettle of fish so that’s often a trial and I have to spend extra time ensuring they are ok.
Number 3 child fills a hole I didn’t realise we had though so am very glad we took the step to 3, even though it was horrific having three under 4 at the time!!!

There is 45 months between my oldest and youngest. I didn’t find having a third was any more work than having two.

Just saw your update. Congratulations OP!

Congratulations :)

I have three. It's hard work in the early days and chaos at times now but I'd always have felt like there was someone missing if DC3 wasnt with us.

I love having three. They are equally spaced out so there's not one pair who are closer. They play together a lot of the time and o see them doing more of that as the years go on. I love it when we have days out, we're a gang but it's manageable, I think 4 would have tipped us over the edge.

Oh just seen! will be the best thing you've ever done!

I found going from 2 to 3 easier than the 1 to 2 child jump

They are within 5 years age gaps and due to their personalities have usually played well together, with obviously the odd MASSIVE ARGUMENT

In hindsight those arguments didnt happen as often as I thought they did

Things like cars and holidays are a bit of a pain and tables in restaurants

But i love having my three, we did consider 4 but felt the age gap between 1 and 4 would be too big for us

Oh shoot

Missed the update

Congrats op

(Oh I’m usually so good at checking updates i shall blame being distracted by three children...even though none of them are in the house/out of bed)

We have three, with gaps of five years between 1 and 2, and 2.9 years between 2 and 3. They've never ganged up on each other, and we never regretted no.3 for a moment.

Until my second was about 18 months, we always thought we’d have 3. But we’ve pretty much decided now our family is complete. Does your family feel complete? I’m guessing not.

I had a huge freak out about the planet, had a thread on here at the time, i’ll see if I can link it if it’s still around. Since realising it’s so much better for the planet to stick at 2, I’ve realised so many other benefits - less pressure to move house, more relaxed life, DS2 is getting so much more independent and it is SUCH a relief, pouring all our money into the 2 we have, enabling them to do all the classes, clubs etc they want, more holidays, the 2 we have are absolute best buds and I don’t want to disrupt that, uni costs..... and more! I basically absolutely LOVED being pregnant, having babies, having a newborn. I ended up feeling a bit like I’d be having a third just to recreate those experiences, which you never could, so I came to my senses that it’s probably better in the long run to stick at 2.

It’s a really hard decision!

very interesting reading IMO

Just gutted that I didn’t savour my second’s baby days as I ‘knew’ we’d have a third!

How is your relationship? Finances? Do you WoH, or want to?

Are you / Would you be sharing the parenting/domestic work and “mental load”?

Mine are 23, 21 ad 19 - eldest two are boys and I can honestly say we never had any issues with ganging up or suchlike when they were growing up. Daughter always wanted to keep up with her brothers so walks faster and is stronger than most girls her age!

The only issue we ever had was in things like holidays or 'family' tickets which only ever catered for 2 adults and 2 children. Oh and 3 car seats across the back seat of most cars - when mine were young we were able to use only booster seats which worked but with the new rules on car seats, it might be more difficult.

All 3 are really close friends now even though they are at work/uni. I'm very glad I had 3 and almost glad that I had to stop at 3 for medical reasons and not go for the 4 or 5 I originally wanted

Three is a great number (although would love a forth I’m too old) ours are 9,6 and 3. Non were great sleepers so we’re still in always tired phase but after 1st knew what we were likely to be in for. Spent 18 months home with third and don’t think would have worked if had been working although I’m back to work now having 3 has meant for me that I need to be more laid back and accept for a whole the housework is going to slide but won’t be forever as I’m training them up and it really doesn’t matter anyway. For us at moment main worry is oldest getting into a sport which will require daily training as she gets better and at least 1 weekend a month and if younger 2 want to do something different (we are hoping she will get bored and drop out but she’s pretty determined) they have very little chance. No ganging up really but older two love to help with youngest and oldest really looked out for middle when he started school. One thing we are finding is oldest although always close to middle needs more space as she gets older and youngest is great as a distraction for middle one to now spend more time with and they are super close although completely opposite personalities. Three have really completed our family unit. I was one of three and wanted at least 3. Guess one reason for this is we lost my older brother 10 years ago and having another sibling helped a lot with this loss as it meant had someone with same relationship who knew how we were feeling and could help each other cope. My husband lovingly refers to our third as the spare although not in front of them.....

Hey OP, just wondering how is life now that 5 years has passed? I currently in your past shoes x