A bit of perspective on having three children...

[Blondie87]

Hello,

I’ve been backwards and forwards for about a year as to whether to go for a third. Some days there is no doubt in my mind that we are meant to be a family of 5 and I’m raring to go; other times I’m completely the other way and so relieved I’m finally getting out the fog of early parenthood!

Strangely, I’ve found that I’m spending a disproportionate amount of time thinking about it, weighing up the pros and cons etc. I know deep down this is rather academic brigade you’d never procreate if you based it on that! So I’d love to hear about having three, the good, the bad and the ugly!

I have 3 - now aged 14,12 and 10. The eldest is 19m older than no2 and there are 2 1/2 years between youngest and 2nd.

I did not plan to have a third but she has been such a delight I have no regrets. My older two were colicky and high maintenance babies/ toddlers, my youngest didn't cry much she didn't even cry when she was born. She was a cheery and chilled out baby. She has been a great companion for her older siblings and though they do argue they actually get on really well generally. My older children are autistic and they get a lot out of having a third to play with who really understands them. My daughter loves her big brother and sister and looks up to them.

It is expensive and holidays are more difficult to plan for but I don't regret my third and don't regret ensuring they would not be a forth either! Op only you and nature can decide so think about it and talk to your partner, ultimately you cannot control how things turn out. So much depends on your circumstances, the personalities of the children... Good luck.

We had three close together- less than two year gap between each, then a bigger gap and now have a fourth.

It's full on and bloody exhausting when they're all under 5/6 but fab as they get older. Our house is busy and noisy but so much fun and we have great adventures together. There's always someone to talk to and the kids have their moments but mostly get on pretty well.

My main advice would be to get super organised, get a big car and get good at crowd control!

It depends on lifestyle and money - we stopped at 2 because a normal car can only take 2 car seats, we lived in two bed house, hotel family rooms rarely sleep more than 4, dh travels a lot for work, I only have two hands etc etc. A bit of me would have liked another, especially now I'm on the verge of being too old (may already be) hot flushes etc. but I also love the fact that they are close in age and adult, I couldn't have coped with a third toddler then

We have 3 and love it.
Yes, they sometimes gang up but mostly, they get on fine.
It’s hard to make time for them individually and helping them all with their homework and reading but I make it a priority. Meals can be a bit of a pain when you take everyone’s genuine dislikes into account. There’s always mess and laundry but I’m training the kids do more to help. Expenses do go up. They’re getting to the age now where the oldest doesn’t want to always do the same things as the youngest and usually doesn’t want to watch the same tv.

We do lots of free outdoor stuff.
Holidays are fine. We book cheap flights in advance if going abroad and air bnb abroad or the uk.
I look out for cheap cinema tickets offers, groupon discounts and use Tesco vouchers for days out.

They love each other and are each other’s champions. My youngest was beaming with joy and pride when dc2 was star of the week in school last week.

We didn't plan 3 but it happened. It's been a million times easier than I thought, the dc all adore each other, obviously they have their moments we are not the Waltons! Ours are 6, 5 and 20 months. The hardest thing I had to get my head around was I think you mentioned as well, that I had just got to a stage where mine were not babies as such and was just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, then I was pregnant again and back to baby stage. But now I'm seeing light again! Go for it op. Three is not a crowd.

My 3rd was a surprise package I was on the pill at the time. The first two were 7 and 8 when number 3 came along. They loved it! and it was like it was meant to be. The youngest is 21 now so the sleepless nights are forgotten.
The only thing I will say is with holidays is as they got abit older it was harder to find something to suit all ages.
But I wouldn't change it for the world!

Thank you so much. I have absolutely loved reading all your posts and honestly some of you sound like super humans!!

I think the biggest issue that I’ll be honest and say is I like the occasional time to myself and with DH; I love being a mum but find all the life admin associated a bit tedious and hard work. Plus I’m loving finally having sleep back! The biological urge to get pregnant and have another is all consuming and I love the idea of having a bigger family. However, I’m also conscious of the environmental impact which I have to be honest is a big factor for me. But I do so want another!

My husband who is one of three, was absolutely adamant we weren’t having three. His parents are lovely, but I think he saw the extra stress it put on his mum.

Oh and can I ask another question. How did pregnancy and birth, recovery etc go third time? I really want to have a functioning pelvic floor by the end 😂

I have 3.
I definitely wasn't finished at 2. Once dc3 was born, I felt our family was complete.

I have alwas found 2 a little too pat, too even, to ordinary (puts on hard hat) and wanted the extra dimension of a third.

Mine are now 16, 14 and 11.

I love having three, but it is different to two. It is a little more uncontrolled and little less easy to organise a little more chaotic! I love it.

I do find there is an element of ganging up. But it varies day to day, it can be any 2 of them against the 3rd. It has never been nasty, (ok, well hardly ever), more pairings off to play, or to have a laugh together. When they were younger, I think the oldest had to step up more than if there had only been one younger one.

When one is away the house is totally different. Doesn't matter which one, just the dynamic changes. I love those moments too, as the remaining two show different sides to themselves.

Mine are 3 very very different personlaities, and I like the total of the three. One less would feel like we were missing a bit!

I have three and I think it's lovely. I have a two year gap and then 4.5 ye which meant the older two were at school when ds3 was a baby. Being able to catch a nap with him during the day took the edge off the sleepless nights.

I have 5 boys and everyday I thank God for them (even on the occasional bad day ).

When the youngest was born the others were 7, 5, 3 & 12 months.
They were mostly easy going babies though & they had all started sleeping through by 4 months which made life a lot easier.
I went between being a SAHM and working PT in a couple of jobs but worked round my DH so childcare wasn't a problem.

Looking at other people now with 4 or 5 kids I sometimes wonder how we did it but we did! They all got individual time with DH & I and homework was always completed at the table together.

Yes, when you have 3 you need a bigger car, holidays & treats are more expensive, etc, etc.. but the pleasure my DH & I have got from our boys is priceless!!

Generally they all get on very well, sometimes they bicker but it's usually short lived.
They are now mostly in their teens (oldest is 18, youngest 11) yet they are good friends and still spend time together watching movies, playing rugby, camping, etc and we still have family days out together.

I'm very close to them all & they would often put their head on my shoulder on the sofa for a wee chat.
Actually whenever they leave the house or go to bed, I still get a kiss on the cheek and a "love you mum" even from the 18yr old.

I have 3 and wouldn’t change a thing. My third has been an easy baby and a delight. Yes, it is bloody hard but that’s because they are young.. 6, 4 & 1. But the eldest two adore the baby, we love having a gang and I’m looking forward to watching them grow.
Obviously, it’s more chaotic, the laundry is endless, they can fight, it’s exhausting... but that’s nothing compared to the love we have for each other as a family. It makes it all worth it. We feel like our family is complete and feel blessed and lucky to have 3

Ps. Yes, with each pregnancy I was more tired as I had another toddler/baby to look after but I do still have a functioning pelvic floor

irisheyes that is a lovely post and I have a lot of respect for you bringing up 5 children! Good to know re. pelvic floor!

I find 3 perfect (but never had 2 as number 2 was twins). It means one can have quiet time alone without the other pestering as they have another option. We don't have any ganging up here. We do have a big enough house though. I think space helps. I can't imagine only having 2. Mine seem more independent than friends with 2 but that could be personality.

TinkiesWinky
I put on a lot of weight while dc3 was a non sleeping toddler due to replacing sleep with sugar
I still remember the mental anguish if having to wake him for a preschool run when he'd spent all night awake and just finally fallen into a deeper sleep ...

I did feel for years that the gap was too big too - my older 2 used to be such a little unit with a barely 2 year gap and my sleepless little person was more like an adored family pet/ toy/ parcel we took everywhere with us for years, and I was constantly stopping him spoiling their stuff/ games or DH would do something with "the big kids" while I looked after little dc3. I always thought closer together would have been better. The older 2 spoiled and indulged dc3 but didn't see him as an equal.

That's changed a bit now they're 13, 11 and nearly 8. They're girl, boy, boy and the girl seems a lot older than the boys ATM due to puberty and boys generally being a bit less mature than girls at 11! So the two younger ones do a lot together as DD prefers her friends, as is right and natural at 13 of course

The 5 year gap from DD (dc1) to dc3 has always seemed enormous and still does, but it's so big that it's not conceivable that they might fight, as you have to be on the same emotional level to bicker, or the younger one has to be mind bendingly irritating

At attractions like theme parks it's still divide and conquer and one parent goes with the older 2 and one with small one. He's tall enough for 70% of rides now but not as brave about roller coasters as the older 2!

When I take them places in my own the older 2 often go off together for short periods and dc3 stays with me.

At home though the younger 2 do a lot together.

I ended up with sections (messy emergency cesarean section with dc1 meant planned one with large dc2, and inevitable planned one then with dc3) and never dilated past 3cm so my pelvic floor is fine, unlike my insides which are an utter mess apparently...

7, 5, 3- it’s hard work but who wouldn’t have realised that before the 3rd? I found 1 to 2 a much harder change.

I found 0-1 much harder than 1-2 so hoping if we go ahead 2-3 will be a doddle haha 😆

I have two DC age 3 and 7.5. I always imagined having three children and feel very envious of 3-child families, but I feel the gaps are too big now in my own family to do it. Eldest DC would be around 8/9 if we did have number 3 and I’ve felt like their life was disrupted quite a bit with DC2 coming along when they were 4... holidays and days out are only just starting to stop revolving around a screaming baby/toddler who limits where we can go/what we can do. Also for us finances wouldn’t really permit it. We rely a lot on me working part-time, only have a 3-bedroom house with no likelihood of ever owning a 4 bed... plus looking into costs of days out/holiday/kids extracurricular activities and clubs etc, we would really have to make things tighter to accommodate a third and I think that would be very unfair on our two.

My 3rd was a surprise and is the best thing that ever happened to me. I've been a single mum since before I found out I was even pregnant with him. I have 2 dds from my marriage. They all adore each other but squabble plenty too. Ds cries for his sisters when they aren't here as missed them. He's an absolute joy even though he's a defiant bugger Having a boy has been quite different and I love it. Since he came along I feel complete and content.

Just go for it! We have three with exactly the ages gaps you’re contemplating, they’re 7, 5 and 18months now. It’s very noisy. Also Very tiring at times but that’s caused by the older two bickering a lot so I figure that would be the same whether or not we’d gone for a third.

The relationship between the older two and the baby is lovely to watch. So much so I’d love a fourth!!

My eldest three are 6, 7 and 8. I now also have a 13 week old baby so it clearly didn’t deter me too much . I will be honest and say I found the jump from 2-3 the toughest but 3-4 has been extremely easy.

I think it depends entirely on the nature of both your current DC and also on a baby that doesn’t yet exist for you (and is obviously impossible to predict!). I found 2-3 the toughest partly because they were all under three so it was always going to be difficult but partly because DC2 was by far the most ‘high needs’. She wanted my none stop attention but with a breastfeeding baby around, I could no longer give her it and it was exhausting. 3-4 has been much easier because the other three are now older and more independent and I’ve been lucky enough to have a very ‘easy’ baby.

I have three. So glad I did. In the thick of it with youngest being 7months and other two under 6.
It is tough.
Things I find hard are the school run. Bringing two little ones along with you is hard work especially in he wind and rain. The lack of babysitting means we get less alone time as a couple. My mum will babysit all three but only if they are put to bed which means we can manage a late meal out and that’s it ( by which point we are generally too tired anyway). Things like weekends away as a couple are a thing of the past.
We make up for it by going for nice lunches together in the week while the older one is at school and middle in nursery while I am on mat leave. But dh has a flexible job that allows that.
Booking hols is turning into a nightmare. I know there is stuff I want to do with my eldest that we just can’t yet so he does miss out in that respect. By the time we can go to Lapland for instance he will prob be a touch too old. Going to swim parks is also a nightmare due to the ratios issue but that will only be for a couple of years.
To enjoy having three You need good family support and to be reasonably well off ( if you don’t want them to miss out on stuff that is).
My friends that stopped at two are getting there lives back and doing lots of stuff I just can’t yet.
But our third brings so much joy. The kids love him. Wouldn’t be without him.