Why is it frowned upon to admit you enjoy parenting and don’t find it that hard?

[Namedrama]

I am pleased that we live in a time where many people are very open about their struggles. When finding a particular stage of life hard it’s no doubt comforting to hear you aren’t alone. However, with parenting it seems almost obligatory to say you find it hard. Every instagrammer, blogger, journalist with young children seems focus on how hard it is, how they have lost their freedom, how they need a drink to get through, how they crave two mins peace, how they never knew the challenges etc. Often this is caveated with a final line that they wouldn’t trade their babies for the world but that’s after many paragraphs of detailing the struggle.

If you really enjoy parenthood it now seems wrong to say it out loud. Somehow it’s boastful or undermining. God forbid you suggest you think you are good at it, your kids are well behaved or achieving well.

I just wonder how healthy all this really is. Doesn’t concentrating on the positives make life easier and happier? I had to distance myself from some friends while on maternity leave as they were so negative about the experience that it started to make me anxious and worried that it was only a matter of time before I somehow realised it was all impossible too. Even now I have older children nobody seems to want to just say “Aren’t we lucky, isn’t this fun, this is a brilliant time of our lives.” I wonder if concentrating on the negatives doesn’t perpetuate the negatives?

Just a thought really. Maybe others find it easier to celebrate parenthood.

I was accused of boasting when I said DD who was less than a year was sleeping through at 8 weeks. DS was the same. DD2 was sleeping through at 12 weeks.

I was just sharing what my experience was. Some people have a great time and others not. I personally find it hard work with our 3DC. Two have autism and just do not stop pushing boundaries physically and mentally. My youngest is a kamikaze kid. Yesterday DD1 left the baby gate open to go to the bathroom while I was letting the dog out. DD2 went upstairs and took her first step to come back downstairs with the baby, slipped and fell. She did a somersault down the stairs and I caught her midair somehow. I'm not a heroic parent. I'm a nervous wreck paranoid that a baby gate has been left open. Yeah great they slept through at 3 months, 7 years later the kid needs 4 hours of physical activity to sleep at night and 1mg of melatonin. Yeah I drug my kid to get them to sleep and if anyone thinks I'm a shit parent for doing that, walk a mile in my shoes and come back for a conversation. It's really hard being a good parent to my brood sometimes.

I don’t even think for me it’s the having kids which is hard, it’s all the boring monotonous drudgery and shit that goes with it that I find hard.

My children are an absolute joy. I adore them, I miss them when I’m at work, I can’t wait to see them and spend time with them. What makes my heart sink though is the thought of having to come home from work, cook them dinner, clear up, do reading practice, bathe them, get them in PJs, wrestle the youngest to the floor while he’s having a tantrum in order to brush his teeth for 30 seconds, put them to bed and sing Twinkle Twinkle twenty times in a row.

All of that is hard.

But spending time with my children is the best thing in the world. If only I had staff to do all the other shit for me.

Want2besupermum..I'm sorry I had to smile reading the adventures your DC get up to,my friends life reads just like yours but you know what your damn right walk a mile in your shoes!! Life's sodding hard sometimes & people that judge have no idea😣my friends life is manic,different every day but she does her absolute best & her DC love her as I'm sure your DC do to x keep smiling hunni everydays a new day & your dc are lucky to have you .

But spending time with my children is the best thing in the world. If only I had staff to do all the other shit for me.

Me too

I read a biography of Rose Kennedy the other day (JFK's mother), which went on and on about what an amazing mother she was to her nine children. I'm sure she was, and I'm not taking away from the stresses and strains of raising a big family with minimal input from your husband. But she also had two nursery nurses, a cook, house keeper and a gardener... I know having staff doesn't remove all the problems, and you still ahve to manage the staff. But heck, I'd consider having 9 kids with that amount of support!

Agree OP. Yes it would be smug to go on and on about it, but it is now to the point that saying anything about parenting other than "I hate my life, it's total hell" is considered smug.

I don't mention how I like being on maternity leave, especially not on social media, but when asked a direct question such as "how many times a night does baby wake up?", what should I do? I lie and say "oh, 1-2 times" even though really he sleeps through.

If you say you enjoy any aspect of parenting, even if mentioning it discreetly in response to a direct question, you are seen as a smug bragger who is really naive. Just because my kid sleeps through (or whatever good thing I'm talking about) it doesn't mean I think it's cause I'm a great parent, or I think my life if going to be perfect forever.

Also I call bs because nearly everyone who goes on and on about their lives are hell, they hate every second of it, shoot them now, etc, goes on to have at least one more kid - if not 2+ more. Actions speak louder than words!

castielchace Thank you! I got to work this morning and poured myself a hot coffee, sat down and really enjoyed it. It was a holiday here yesterday so everyone else was well rested. Me, not so much!!!!!

It does piss me off that DH is expected to travel over weekends and I get comments from his family about me hiring help. I'm not sorry I hire help. He isn't here and I'm not doing doing a FT job and 100% of the housework plus therapy appointments and after school activities. They go to bed at 7pm because I'm exhausted and have work to complete.

I saw a meme the other day along the lines of

"When a mother says she's tired, that's all she meant! She did not say she wants to drop her son and forget that he exists.

When a mother says she wanted some time alone, just her, that's all she meant!
She didn't say she's sorry to be a mother and that motherhood was a mistake in her life.

When a mother says she needs help to get things done, that's exactly what she meant!
She is not saying that she is incapable."

That is so true and important.

But it's the exact same on positive side. If a mother says her kids behaved well today, thats all she meant. She didnt mean she's the best parent ever. If a mum says her baby sleeps well, that's exactly what she means. She didn't mean her life will be perfect forever and other people's kids suck.

No it’s not. Why should I not be able to talk about my kids just because you’re on the defensive. It’s ridiculous

No one says you can't talk about your kids but to boast about how you adore parenting and you're so good at it, to someone you k ow struggles or say has PTSD is a dick move