Mums of one.. tell me how you feel

[iamstrong1]

I have a 6yo who is my world. Dh wants another. I don't think I do.. I feel I should but I'm not sure that I do. But I worry I will regret this decision as I get older

But I love the idea of everything we can do with the freedom we now and the closeness we have

I don't want to spoil that but I'm scared of making the wrong decision

Dc has loads of friends and socialising and I make sure isn't lonely but...

Please tell me how it's worked out for you. Do you love it or do you wish you had made a different decision?

I have one 22 year old daughter and I'm an only one. Never regretted it and she is my best friend.

I am also an only.

Sorry I told you I was an only twice!

I'm in the same boat as you OP, DD is 7 and most of the time I feel like our family is complete, and yet I have this nagging doubt...
DH however would have another in a heartbeat. I am worried I will wake up one day when it's too late and regret not having another one, at the same time the thought of going through pregnancy and the early years again feels me with dread.

I will be watching this thread with interest

*fills

Mine is still a toddler but I frequently have an internal battle over the fact that I always thought I'd have two or more but now think I might just want to stick with one, so I'll be interested to hear from others! I'm just so, so content right now and don't feel that wanting her to have a sibling is enough reason to bring a new human into the world.

I had my second DD when my first was 8, it was like being slapped round the face with a wet fish! Going forwards, youngest is now 8 and eldest 17 and I would be lying if I said the age gap hadn't caused issues, eldest finds youngest massively irritating, and it has been difficult to do idea myself between two children who have such a huge age gap and also MASSIVELY varying interests, so one doesn't want to do what the other does etc etc.

Dd is 13 & an only child. Having 1 meant we could afford for her to have & do eberything we wanted. I knew from quite early on that I didn’t want more children ( hated the first 18 months, probably had mild undiagnosed pnd)
Dd has always been good at making friends & has a very active social life for her age! When she was about 9/10 she did go through a phase of wanting a sibling but now she’s older she’s glad to be an only.
I’m probably not too old to have a second ( no chance!) we are very happy with the decision to just have one.

I am an only and my ds is an only. I had a wonderful childhood and I chose to have just one. Never considered or wanted another.

You will find as many only children like me who had wonderful, happy childhoods and never missed having a sibling as only child’s who hated it and wanted siblings. Equally those who love their siblings as those who feel their life was ruined by them but for me (& hopefully ds) it was all positive.

difficult TO DIVIDE

Can I post from the other side of the river? I have four and am happy with my family and adore my kids. But I can see from here the merits of one and of two. They are two very different family structures (as is 3 or 4 kid families is different again). One child to me is the most....romantic? I think you still get to be you but with a sidekick with one. The attention and focus you can give is wonderful. You can take them anywhere as they are used to the primary relationship in life as being with only adults (parent(s)).

With two kids, suddenly they have each other as a mini-gang and the dynamic changes. But two kid families I feel have the best balance for both children and the parents to have some freedom too.

Three plus children totally tip the family balance over to the kids and away from the parents.

Massive generalisations above but just something I often think!

I could only have one and I am sorry for DD. She’s a lovely girl and would have been a lovely older sister.
However it means I can spend huge amounts of time with her and we can spend money on good activities and good holidays.

DH has a brother - they don’t speak much, he’s an awful person.

I am from a large family. I always hated it and I wasn’t like any of them. We were never close. I would have loved to have been an only child and in some ways I was.

@MyNameIsFartacus there is 8 years between me and my sister and we are very close as adults. We were close-ish as kids but I left home (and the country) when I was 16 and she was 8.

We have been very very close since she hit her teens, now 32 & 40. Speak daily.

Ds is 23, and tells me he doesn't mind being an only, as he's never known anything else. I have a sibling, but we are not close as adults.

Just having one has meant that we have got him through uni without loans and without debt. We can do so much for him than we could with two.

Oops, pressed send accidentally.

I only wanted one child. Went on to have a larger family. It is such an incredibly personal decision. There is no right or wrong answer, so do what is best for you and your family.

It's a very personal decision. I am an only and always longed for a sibling, I think I probably romanticised it and pictured having a best friend, when I know in reality there are lots of siblings who aren't close and don't get on at all. My mum would have loved another child too, but it wasn't to be.

I've got two DC and was always very certain I wanted to have more than one. It took a year to conceive DS2 and I was starting to worry that DS1 would be an only. My childhood was great and my parents always included me in everything they did. I just always felt like something was missing and I often felt lonely. I've got friends who don't have siblings and are glad they don't. DH has a sister and they never speak really, they just don't have anything in common.

There's 5.5 years between DS1 and DS2. I hope more than anything that they grow up to be close. It's tough going through the toddler years again (DS2 is 2) and I'm fairly sure I had/have undiagnosed PND, but I know that I will find it easier in a year or so.

FWIW I was worried about a second child taking time/attention from DS1, but he adores being a big brother. DS2 very obviously loves his big bro more than anything too!

Just do what feels right for you. Best of luck with whatever you decide!

I've got one 9yo son, would have had one more but circumstances didn't allow. So there is some regret there. Sometimes I feel guilty that he's an only, he would have been a lovely big brother and I worry about him being lonely.
On the plus side he's a great kid and we have a really close relationship and a nice life, can afford to spend time and money on things we both enjoy, which would be more of a stretch with more.
He's very mature for his age, independent, great at making friends anywhere we go.
I'm a single parent so it can get a little bit intense sometimes, more than I think it would with another child around or a partner.
He goes to his dad's at the weekends and has a close bond with him also.
I'm one of five, we were all very close when we were kids, fought like cat and dog too a lot of the time.
I enjoyed being part of a sibling group, we were our own little team and ready made friends.
We're all still quite close now, pull together when we need to and see each other regularly.
They're nice to have around and I love them all.
I've also got friends I love dearly and count as family but it's not quite the same. There are certain things only my siblings know about or can relate to.
I guess if you were an only you wouldn't know that difference so it wouldn't feel like missing out on anything.

I have an only child, now 17, and am very happy with my choice. He is outgoing, sociable, good interpersonal skills and very confident when talking to adults, new situations etc etc (& a typical frustrating & irritating teenager at home of course ).

Having only one child is certainly a lot easier financially & he has been able to go on school trips etc & financing him through university (if he gets there) will be possible. Having said that he does have a good work ethic & has had p/t jobs since age 13.

Both DH & I come from large families but can honestly go for years without seeing or speaking to our siblings. No major fillings out, just totally different sorts of people.

I have one daughter and will probably stick with that due to fertility issues and other things that put me off.

I have a lot of nieces and nephews and the bickering between the siblings is just traumatic. I can’t stand listening to it.

I was one of 10 children. At times, I was incredibly lonely. To each of us, friends were more important. However, late teens onwards I became very close to all my sisters and we see each other a lot now. Their own children are like siblings to my daughter and I’m very grateful they go home at the end of the day. My daughter has the best of both worlds.

As user name suggests I have an only and by choice. He's 6 next weekend. I had pre and post natal depression. Parenting just isn't for me. We muddle along ok. Ds is very close to me and likes to be with me so I must be doing dom right. Dh supports the decision to have one after seeing what I went and still go through.

Similar to Mumof1andacat we have one and a dog.

DH and I said we'd have one DC, see how it goes and then have another. Traumatic birth and I still have problems 7 years later.

DS is a handful, loud and bouncy, a whirlwind. I have one sublihg 2 years older, we don't get on, I don't think she ever got over my birth and parents treated us differently. We don't speak much now. DH is one of 7, very close growing up - 4 bots could always play football together - but in recent years since lovely MIL died it has all gone to shut and their other personalities have come through, it is heartbreaking to watch.

Tbh the thought of going through pregnancy/birth/baby stage again fills me with dread. And I just could not handle fighting siblings.

The bond between ds and the dog is amazing

DSis and I hated each other growing up. Truly, our relationship was terrible and our childhoods were probably the worse for our having each other.
We're close now, so I'm not saying it has always been bad between us but it seems that there are plenty of folk for whom that's the case.
We both now have only DC and are both happy with that choice. They're both sociable, bright, have lots of friends and have never said they miss having a sibling.

We have one DS 10. No regrets so far and everything I was worried about (the stereotypical crap-lonely,spoiled etc) hasn’t happened. DS is very happy, well balanced. In fact (and I wouldn’t say this out loud) out of all his friends I can see objectively that he’s the coolest,calmest one. No behaviour issues,he just goes with the flow. No ego, no drama,no fallouts. Who knows what’s in the future but so far,so good.

I have one DD. I love that she is my little sidekick as a PP said and I still get to have my own life as asking someone to baby sit one is much easier than asking someone to baby sit two! She has a cousin who she loves who is 18 months younger and a cousin six weeks younger so she will always have ties to family members of a simliar age. I hated hated hated being pregnant and I wouldn’t want to do that to myself again.

Same as you just one little girl. I've always wanted just one, people said I would change my mind but no! I'm completely satisfied - I do sometimes feel guilty she has no children to play with at home, but arrange plenty of play dates, activities for her. I didn't enjoy pregnancy either. My husband would like another but one was always the deal.

elQuinto that’s a really a good point about adult siblings ceasing to get on when parents have died, I have seen this quite frequently and in my Dh’s family particularly, we all used to get on reasonably well, family meet ups but when ILs died there was first huge failings out over their care and the Will (which had been divided strictly equally) and possessions .... all very horrible, and then hardly any contact with each other since.

My own parents are still alive but I am fully prepared for unpleasant scenes with my siblings when they become frail and then die. .