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Original poster

Are you one of those people that others confide in and tell secrets to?

82 replies

OhMyGodTheyKilledKenny · 18/01/2019 21:07

Is there such a thing as someone who just attracts those who want to spill their secrets? Someone who may as well have "tell me your deepest darkest secrets" tattooed across their forehead?

If so, that is me.

Twice in the last week! One of the secrets being fucking massive, the sort of thing that could destroy someones life.

Anyone else find that this happens to them.

OP posts:
cananybodyfindmesomeonetolove · 18/01/2019 22:54

Yes, and I wish I wasn't.

AhhhHereItGoes · 18/01/2019 23:00

Yes all my life. First was at around 6 when a classmate told me her brother was abusing her.

Even people I don't like have done so because I'm generally warm as a person.

I don't know if it's curable. I'm always the person who is asked for directions too even if there are 20 others about. Likewise little kids seem drawn to me so must just be approachable 🤷‍♂️

yakari · 18/01/2019 23:03

God this is my friend, within ten minutes she knows someone's entire life story and their biggest challenges - i can have known them years and still on weather and holidays! Yes it a bit her face but I think she is good with questions, she subconsciously asks really open questions and that just kick starts it off. We joke about it all the time, on one hand I really admire her for it, on another it i get how overwhelming it can be.

blueangel1 · 18/01/2019 23:06

Yes. I've been an agony aunt since I was a teenager. I think people must somehow know I can keep a secret.

user1463178569 · 18/01/2019 23:10

I once got on the train with my uni friends & an older lady started chatting to me. In 20 minutes I'd heard about her children, what she had been doing ,how she'd got from London to north west and the rudeness of one of the staff... My 'pals' had slowly drifted further up the train smirking as they went :)

I've been told I've got one of those faces & people feel comfortable around me but sometimes I just want to ignore the world & daydream but I'm far too nice to ignore people when they speak so I get drawn in.

mammmamia · 18/01/2019 23:13

This is eye opening , my best friend at school was like this and I used to wonder why people confided in her and not me. I’ve always wondered why people don’t tell me things.
Now I think it’s because I talk too much Blush

Dragonlight · 18/01/2019 23:27

Yes since school but rarely do I tell my own. Like Onynx I notice the same thing: people talk but don't ask. Or if they do ask they turn it back around to talk about themselves again

Witchend · 19/01/2019 00:09

Yes.

I think I'm thought a good listener. I'm not terribly keen on it when it's deep, and I feel very quickly out of my depth, especially when it crosses into safeguarding.
Had one of those a couple of weeks ago, and had to say I couldn't keep it quiet, and decide the best way forward. Sad

Other issue I've had is when people have spoken to me on issues on something I'm connected with, and I've been put in a situation where they don't want to be named, but things need dealing with. I'm ending up saying "a responsible parent," or "independent witness" or "a number of people have expressed concern..." and I think sometimes people think I'm making it up to try and give verisimilitude to my own thoughts. I wish people would go straight to the people who can alter it, rather than try and leave me as a go between.

PissOffPeppa · 19/01/2019 03:07

Yes! I always get asked for directions too. I travel a lot and no matter where I am in the world, someone will ask me something in the local language. I must look like a local but I have no idea how I can look both Portuguese and Swedish, for example.

I think I must just have a friendly sort of face and an “open” presence, if that makes sense. People just seem to feel comfortable around me.

theworldistoosmall · 19/01/2019 03:27

All the time. Colleagues, managers, strangers, medical people, tradesmen, customer service people over the phone and many more.

The stuff I know is ridiculous. I put a stop to as much as possible and wear headphones.

BaronessBlonde · 19/01/2019 07:42

Totally..this is me.
I have secrets from all sorts of people, get approached for directions, people break down and cry with me saying "I never cry, sorry" as they sob all over me.

2 things I've learned since I've recognised this in myself....

1- I have to have really strong boundaries, otherwise it's very easy for people to mistake my kindness for softness.

2- people feel uncomfortable when they know that you know uncomfortable stuff about them. I've had people become acquaintances, then closer friends, then confide all over me one day, then step back from the friendship. Anyone else find this?

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 19/01/2019 09:28

Meeee! Standing in the queue in the shop and by the time it's my turn to pay I know all about their health issues and life dramas.
I also know lots of acquaintances have had to have cameras up their bums recently. They've all told me themselves in the middle of harmless chit chat 😂
I don't really mind though, although I'd never talk about my own problems to anyone other than DH and very close friends.

Original poster
OhMyGodTheyKilledKenny · 19/01/2019 10:15

Those of you who also get asked directions in strange countries.....yep, me too!

There's obviously a correlation there.

OP posts:
userschmoozer · 19/01/2019 10:27

people feel uncomfortable when they know that you know uncomfortable stuff about them. I've had people become acquaintances, then closer friends, then confide all over me one day, then step back from the friendship. Anyone else find this?

Yes! I've had people demand a secret in return. When I said 'er, I don't have any secrets' they refused to believe me, and stopped talking to me.

I started to stop people, and say 'I don't want to know any secrets, don't tell me' and I've had people go huffy and stop speaking to me.

Its them, not you.

cafesociety · 19/01/2019 10:41

Yes. But I've since realised it's those who aren't interested in me. I always empathise and listen, and they obviously have the need to talk to someone.

And a lot of the time after they have over shared they avoid me afterwards as if the conversation hadn't happened! Probably because they are embarrassed that I know too much...so they go into denial.

I find it very strange...and hurtful.

Howmanysleepstilchristmas · 19/01/2019 10:51

Me too. Acquaintances, family and strangers- I have no friends!

nomilknosugarplease · 19/01/2019 10:56

Me too. I also rarely tell other people my secrets, things about my life, private information etc. I think this is why people are attracted to telling me everything. I rarely bring myself up in conversation and let others talk about themselves for hours so people like to use me as an emotional outlet. I hate it and I am working on being more assertive...

Violetroselily · 19/01/2019 11:03

Yes and I'm not sure why. Maybe I have a trusting face.

This happens alot at work, people tell me all sorts of confidential info that I really shouldn't know.

Violetroselily · 19/01/2019 11:04

Actually like a PP says, I rarely speak about myself so maybe that's why people tell me everything 🤔

ChristinaMarlowe · 19/01/2019 11:07

Yes me, no idea why. From close friends of decades to strangers on public transport or in shops. It still strikes me as odd now, I don't know why they do it! Makes my DH and friends laugh. I don't particularly mind, just find it confusing!

theworldistoosmall · 19/01/2019 12:21

Yes, asking for directions and they look confused when I have no idea as I don't know the area myself.

AhhhHereItGoes · 19/01/2019 20:51

@BaronessBlonde almost the opposite - people seem to cling to me after telling me things which can make things very uncomfortable.

Most I know that have this same thing often have had their boundaries tested in life but rarely confide in others, but becoming almost wise beyond their years.

plominoagain · 19/01/2019 21:11

And me . I’m also the person who ends up having random conversations on the bus , in any queue , and gets asked directions all the time too. I know god knows how many secrets , but I’ve divulged none . And no one knows mine . At all.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 19/01/2019 21:19

Yes and it's quite difficult when shared friends confide in me but don't want the other to know.
It's a running joke that I end up knowing people's life stories wherever I go.

SallyWD · 27/04/2019 07:46

Yes and I used to feel bad about this because I was a terrible gossip! As I've got older I've become a lot more discreet.