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Original poster

To think this "friend" was really unpleasant about the gift I gave

111 replies

Gaballout · 14/01/2019 10:38

Starting my own business and it's been a very tough few years, financially and long working hours.

Drove a significant distance to visit a friend's new flat for her birthday.

Said friend is very frugal, won't go out for dinner unless at a reasonablly priced chain and just complains about how expensive it is and how it's cheaper to eat at home. She buys all her clothes from tk max or on sale, really does love a bargain.

So I gave her a little box of Aldi Christmas chocolates that did pay half price for. She is always shopping at the outlet village hotel chocolat shop near me and the chocolates looked good.

She opened them infront of everyone and shouted out "omg did you buy me chocolates from Aldi?!", Then after seeing the snowflakes on the package shouted "these were half price?!". Didn't say thanks or anything then said through gritted teeth "I will eat them".

Then opened the next present from someone and it was hotel chocolat chocolates and she said "yes! The real thing!" And thanked the other person.

I was never going to spend much on her because I don't have much and she bins (not even gives to a charity shop) presents that she gets and doesn't like - which is most of them. She only values things if they are expensive, will automatically say she thinks something is better if it's more expensive.

OP posts:
diddl · 14/01/2019 11:46

I suppose if you know that she likes a particular chocolate then it might have been better to get that or not chocolate at all.

She was very rude though.

appless · 14/01/2019 11:46

It was a pretty shitty present tbf. Outwardly telling people that you don't like a gift is clearly a social faux pas, but so is giving half-price post-Christmas chocolates from a budget supermarket. Both of those things should be obvious to any adult.

Jaxhog · 14/01/2019 11:46

The 'shopping at TkMaxx' is the clue. She may appear to be frugal, but buying designer clothes on the cheap is not frugal. She's obviously obsessed with labels rather than quality and value. She's also very rude. I wouldn't buy her another present.

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medusawashere · 14/01/2019 11:48

She was very rude. You were right to get something from the sale if you're watching the pennies, it was thoughtful of you to buy something you know she likes and travel the distance to go and see her. I think what other posters are referring to though is how frustrating it is to have a January birthday and feel like people are too Christmassed out to care. As a January baby, I've never been rude when blatantly receiving Christmas chocolates or unwanted presents but I would inwardly wish my birthday was in another month!

Original poster
Gaballout · 14/01/2019 11:49

giving half-price post-Christmas chocolates from a budget supermarket

They were from the deluxe range. Would giving Tesco finest be different?

I'm bowing out of this anyway. I know I don't want friends that judge you on how much you spend on a gift.

OP posts:
appless · 14/01/2019 11:50

They were from the deluxe range. Would giving Tesco finest be different?

No. I wouldn't buy someone Tesco Finest chocolates for a gift.

appless · 14/01/2019 11:51

The 'shopping at TkMaxx' is the clue. She may appear to be frugal, but buying designer clothes on the cheap is not frugal. She's obviously obsessed with labels rather than quality and value

Agreed. I am "frugal" and I would never ever waste my money in TK Maxx. On the very rare occasion that I buy new clothes, I get them from charity shops. Occasionally Primark.

DarlingNikita · 14/01/2019 11:52

It was a pretty shitty present tbf. Outwardly telling people that you don't like a gift is clearly a social faux pas, but so is giving half-price post-Christmas chocolates from a budget supermarket. Both of those things should be obvious to any adult.

Have a word with yourself, eh? 'obvious to any adult'. FFS.

KittensAndCake · 14/01/2019 11:53

It wasn't like a manky cheap chocolate father Christmas for 9p

Even if it was, she should have accepted graciously and said thank you. CF.

nailclippersandmince · 14/01/2019 11:53

Gift anxiety! Whilst she was rude in that she compared your chocs to someone else's the whole gift giving concept drives me to despair.

The giver has anxiety about what present to give, puts in the time to purchase it, time to take it to recipient in the hope that they will like it.
The receiver then has to be grateful for an item that they probably didn't want, need or like because they will be judged a bad person if they don't, receiver basically has to lie in front of an audience.

And so it goes on. I wish there was a giant universal law passed that it was illegal to buy gifts. We only bought what we needed, wanted or liked for ourselves. Might save the planet and a lot of anxiety but I'm a weirdo.

Footnote: we seem to be able to ask kids what they would like as a present for Xmas or birthdays so we don't disappoint them but we are unable to do the same for adults. Why is that?

DarlingNikita · 14/01/2019 11:54

I know I don't want friends that judge you on how much you spend on a gift.

Quite. I got a birthday present from a friend last year: a zip-up make-up bag and a roll of novelty sticky tape (with a sushi print Smile)

Did it cost much? I doubt it. Was I rude about it? Course I fucking wasn't. a) no one is obliged to buy me anything and b) I've no idea what's going on with her finances that might mean that was the limit of her budget.

appless · 14/01/2019 11:55

Footnote: we seem to be able to ask kids what they would like as a present for Xmas or birthdays so we don't disappoint them but we are unable to do the same for adults. Why is that?

Are we? The only adults I buy presents for are my OH/parents/siblings, and I always ask them what they would like.

woollyheart · 14/01/2019 11:55

It is possible to be frugal with your own money, but profligate with others.

I assume that you don't usually buy each other presents? Or if you do, does she usually buy you cut price presents?

MissLadyM · 14/01/2019 11:56

Nasty bitch. I'd really tell her that she was a cunt and just end the friendship. Lifes too short to put up with such bollocks and she sounds to be a general pain in the arse

MrsJane · 14/01/2019 11:57

It's not about the cost for me, i wouldn't care how much or how little you spent, it's not about that, it's about getting Christmas chocolates for a birthday?!

icannotremember · 14/01/2019 11:58

She's rude and doesn't get what present giving is about. Mind you, she isn't the only one judging by some of the replies here!

Original poster
Gaballout · 14/01/2019 11:58

Yes I agree frugal is the wrong word. More someone that never pays full price for anything. She talked alot about her £500 sunglasses last summer keeping to mention the price all the time even though Im pretty sure she got them for £50. She would rather wear something ugly that had a high rrp that she doesn't like than something nice that costs less. Although the high RRP is the only thing she likes of it.

I won't be visiting her again or ever giving a present. Lesson learned.

OP posts:
Fromage · 14/01/2019 12:04
  1. I've had those Aldi chocs and they are delish, I would be happy someone bought them for me.
  1. This idiot is not your friend, OP.
  1. It's the thought that counts.
  1. I think your friend is a fuckwit, that's my thought that counts.
Fromage · 14/01/2019 12:08

Tell us what birthday presents she has bought you in the past, Gaballout.

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2019 12:10

Of course it was rude. Maybe she was a little offended you'd spent what she thought was about two quid on her birthday present and gave her some half price Christmas Aldi own brand chocolates, and a small box at that, but it's the thought that counts and if you're skint, you're skint.

Personally I'd have been pleased with the effort, said thank you and enjoyed them, but some people take gifts like a measurement of how much uou like them, you see threads on here about it all the time. There is also often an expectation uou spend reciprocal amounts, and as much as a couple of mugs doesn't seem much, there could have been some thought into it, and the cost could have been much higher,

But there is no doubt about it she was rude about it.

derxa · 14/01/2019 12:27

The present was awful though

ChocolateWombat · 14/01/2019 12:33

The deal is that even if a present is crap, because of lack of effort or mis-judgement, you express gratitude for it and do it graciously. End of.

This gift might not have warranted unbridled delight and joy, but any gift warrants polite thanks. End of.

Sometimes we want to give a gift which will absolutely thrill the recipient. Sometimes we want to give a hugely generous gift. Other times we want to give a token gift. It's all fine and we know some gifts will be received with more joy than others. However, it is always polite to say thank you and it is never okay to be openly rude about a gift. Lots of children need to learn this and it sounds like some adults do too.

user83921 · 14/01/2019 12:44

I'm actually shocked at how many people are saying you were wrong for buying her a gift with snowflakes on! Makes me worry about the world we live in, if people can side with her.

She is rude, you weren't in the wrong.
You bought her a gift, doesn't matter how much it cost, it is the thought that counts.

Find better friends and move on. Xx

appless · 14/01/2019 12:50

I'm actually shocked at how many people are saying you were wrong for buying her a gift with snowflakes on! Makes me worry about the world we live in, if people can side with her

Saying the OP was wrong does not mean the OP's friend was right.

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2019 12:53

The deal is that even if a present is crap, because of lack of effort or mis-judgement, you express gratitude for it and do it graciously. End of. This gift might not have warranted unbridled delight and joy, but any gift warrants polite thanks. End of

This.

Op, no point trying to big it up as part of their deluxe range, it was what it was, and as said she likely thinks you spend about 2 quid on her and picked it up with your weekly shop. However it is the thought that counts, and if it's all you could afford then it was a good gift, and she should have politely thanked you.

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