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Original poster

Do you still have friends from primary school (and do you care if you don't?)

69 replies

Deminism · 13/01/2019 23:39

So my kids are year 3 and year 1 and have made lovely friends and all are happy. We live in London so the population moves about a lot - a lot of their friends have at least one non British parent and a lot have plans to move to the other country for secondary in due course, plus there are so many schools here it is quite likely they will go to a different school to their mates just because there are lots.
Anyway, because I have three kids (one still at nursery), we have v busy evenings - swimming one night, beavers another, brownies for the other one another, karate one night etc. Each kid only has a max of two things but it means most after schools are planned and when they are not we enjoy just going to park on way home and hanging out at home. But means playdates after school not so easy unless the playdate parent can pick up the child and bring them home.
Which got me thinking... actually I don't still have, aged 40, any friends from primary school. None went to my secondary school and we all kind of lost touch by time we were teenagers. I know a few on Facebook and live in the same part of the city so occasionally bump into people, but all of my good friends are people I met as an adult.
Wondered whether this is unusual and whether actually most people are still friends with their primary school friends and whether therefore I should make more effort for DCs to see their school friends outside of school knowing this could become a lifelong friendship.

OP posts:

OneStepMoreFun · 13/01/2019 23:42

I have one. We very rarely see each other but I love her loads. She invite dme to stay a few months ago. I must sort out visiting her again soon. We met when we were 8. We're mid fifties now!

Choccywoccyhooha · 13/01/2019 23:46

I have one friend from primary school. We have been best friends for 31 years, since we were 9. We are at opposite ends of the country now, but make the effort to meet up four times a year and chat all the time. Neither of us has kept in touch with anyone else from school.

Thistles24 · 13/01/2019 23:46

I still see my best friends from primary/secondary at least once a month. We’ve stayed so close- I can’t imagine life without then. We all have other friends too, ones we’ve made through uni/work/neighbours and children, but ultimately, they’re the first ones I share any news with, and would be the ones I called in an emergency.

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CoffeeTableBook · 13/01/2019 23:46

My closest friends are from primary school yet oddly I haven’t kept in touch with anyone from secondary.

RefuseTheLies · 13/01/2019 23:49

My best friend from primary school is still my best friend 35 years later.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 13/01/2019 23:51

No and no. My oldest friend is from secondary school, but I live on the other side of the world now. I left the town I went to primary school when I went to uni, and my mum moved away soon after, so I haven't been back in that town since the early 90s ( I was glad to get out of it!).

SheldonTheWonderShlong · 13/01/2019 23:51

No and don't care. I do have a couple from secondary though.

ifoundthebread · 13/01/2019 23:54

I have a 'friend' from my primary school, but we didn't actually have much to do with each other until half way through secondary. Now as an adult we aren't as close but will occasionally meet up for a coffee. I have a lot of people I went to primary with on Facebook and might say hi in passing but that's about it and we are all from a little village. I personally don't care about not having much to do with them because I want something different from my life. We grew up in a little village where people tend to know everything about everyone and never leave the place. I hated and got out so I'm now an outsider.

IrenetheQuaint · 13/01/2019 23:54

No, and only one from secondary who I see every couple of years. My close friends are from university and work.

Youngerthanyesterday · 13/01/2019 23:55

No. I still have friends from secondary but we’re not close. Most of my close friends are from university

SpinningBob · 13/01/2019 23:56

My two best friends are from primary school, well one is from nursery actually, then we all went to the same primary school and secondary school. We have all moved around over the years,between cities in mainland Britain, also different countries. One now lives in Sydney, and the other lives about 5 minutes from me! Coincidentally, and many years apart, we married men who came from the same town, about 40 miles from our home town,and within a couple of years we both moved here. All 3 of us speak/message almost daily, and my friend who lives a few mins away and I meet weekly, with and without all the kids, depending on timings. I always say Thank You to my mum for sending my to my primary school! My mum says we kids didn't actually do any activities or playdates etc together, and we all did very different sports/activities growing up, we just kept being drawn back to each other as friends. I do consider this to be unusual though, and dont see it in my kids yet with the friendships they are developing,as we are similar to you OP in that after school time is too busy to be managing playdates. We tried them for a while,as it seemed that everyone else was doing them, and it really truly didn't work for our family life, and the kids didn't enjoy the rushing either. I'm not very worried yet, they seem happy enough!

MrsMoastyToasty · 13/01/2019 23:58

Only people that were in younger year groups, but that's because our parents were and still are friends.

Parky04 · 13/01/2019 23:59

My best friend is from primary school. Been friends for 40 years. we meet up around 5 times a year. Text often regarding sporting events.

Catsandbootsandbootsandcats · 13/01/2019 23:59

No, not really. I'm friends with a couple on Facebook, but that's it. I met my best friend at secondary school, we're still friends 30 years later.

My kids didn't even go to the same secondary as most of their friends so lost touch with them.

BackforGood · 14/01/2019 00:01

I was the only one from my Primary to go to my secondary school, so no, I don't have friends from Primary school, other than a couple of friends that I knew / kept in touch with through other things, that happened to have been at the same Primary school as me, but weren't my friends at Primary school.
I have several friends from secondary school though (and left over 35 years ago, long before social media, or even e-mails were around).

With my (young adult) dc, I have found that they come across dc they were at Primary school with at various things they go to as they are out and about. This does, of course rather rely on you staying in the same place.

I wouldn't make more effort for DCs to see their school friends outside of school knowing this could become a lifelong friendship though. Friendships form as and when they form. I have 3 dc. One had a really strong friendship group all through Primary. They went to different secondaries and drifted apart. They are FB friends, but of course the youngsters don't actually go on FB much at all. The other two had much more fluency in their friendships. Your dc will form their own friends in their own way.

Buntybearbess · 14/01/2019 00:01

Just the one friend from primary. We met when we were in yr1 and have been friends since, she has FAS and I love her to bits. She's been through hell and is one of the kindest and sweetest people I've ever met, we have very little in common in terms of what we want out of life or where we are in life now but when I have children she will be godmother, when I get marry she'll be a bridesmaid and when she has kids I'll be there to support her however I can.

Birdie6 · 14/01/2019 00:02

One friend - my "bestie " since primary school. We're both in our 60's now. One thing from those days, was that there was no such thing as a "playdate". Your mother didn't drive you over to the other kid's house and then pick you up. My friend and I just walked over to each other's houses when we felt like it, and stayed until we were ready to go home. We often spent all day together. From such things are lifelong friendships made.

TheWomanin12B · 14/01/2019 00:03

No, but then I'm not really in touch apart from fb with any of the friends from throughout my educational life, so maybe I'm just massively anti social and crap at friendships.

HeronLanyon · 14/01/2019 00:06

Yes 2 from infants school. London. Mid 50s

Have thought about this recently as my ma died a few months ago. It was really important to invite them and they both attended her funeral. I know I will attend their pArents’ funerals when it comes to it no question.

Knowing people who grew up knowing your parents and siblings and who popped in and out of your house ‘to play out’ when you were a kid is very lovely - but not common for the reasons you give op.

I see this two perhaps once every. 3 or. 4 years (neither in London anymore) but so fond of them and friendship is solid and unquestioning.

Kintan · 14/01/2019 00:06

I don’t have friends from primary or secondary school, but still have loads from university and my early jobs 20 years ago. And to answer the other part of your question I don’t particularly care as although I had good friends at school at the time, I guess they weren’t really kindred spirits or we would have kept in touch!

pineapplebryanbrown · 14/01/2019 00:07

No and i don't care, i can't even remember anyone. I don't really bother staying in touch with people, life moves on and my family is where it's at for me.

HeronLanyon · 14/01/2019 00:07

I am in mid 50s. Shorthand got a bit full on there.

pineapplebryanbrown · 14/01/2019 00:08

My adult DS though has had the same best friend since he was 2! They're basically brothers.

ClosestThingToCrazy · 14/01/2019 00:09

I have no idea what anyone I went to primary school with is doing now! I chose to go to a school in a different town to the rest of my year for a reason... I do still have a couple of friends I made whilst secondary age (one from school, one outside), but most I've made as an adult. Adult me is a much better judge of character than younger me.

treaclesoda · 14/01/2019 00:10

Yes, just one. We've been separated by hundreds of miles for 25 years now but we've never lost touch. I hope she is part of my life until the very end.

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