I thi k I have PND and I'm terrified

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My baby doesn't sleep well at night. He naps in his sling so I cant nap then. Next door are having an extension so it's never peaceful. I lost it at DH this morning. I wanted to throw something (not at him to be clear) out of sheer frustration and exhaustion. The only thing to hand was my phone and the cable. So I flailed the cable around. It caught him and he absolutely lost it at me. He called me a child. He has said he cant be certain I wouldn't hurt DS. It has crushed me and he cant see why.
He is going back to work tomorrow and I'm dreading being alone. I am supposed to.be having some girls around on Thursday evening and I'm dreading it. We have DS's baptism on Sunday and have a houseful Saturday.
DH has taken the baby for a walk for a nap. I'm supposed to be sleeping but I'm just lying here sobbing..

Does your DH do any of the night wakings so you can sleep? Do you have any help? Don't beat yourself up having a baby is exhausting.

Go and see your GP. They can help you if they think you need the help and it’s best to deal with things ASAP.

My PND did sometimes show itself in loss of temper but sheer exhaustion can do that too.

wake up he does the problem is DS so often wants to feed. DH is desperate for me to Express so he can properly help but I'm just so exhausted and I'm not getting much.

Huffley I have an appt on 21st Jan

If your DH is still off work it sounds like your baby must be very young. At this point I found expressing for someone else to bottle feed was no help at all. Once you’ve got a bit more rest and everything is settled then it can be a lifeline but in the early days it’s easier to just get it done.

I’m really pleased you have an appointment but I wonder if with your HV’s help you can get one a bit sooner? If you went today then any medication prescribed would be kicking in by the 21st, you’d be 2 weeks into any waiting list for therapy etc.

My surgery is generally pretty useless with getting an appointment but when I called them and said I had a new baby and I needed help they got me in within the hour.

My baby is 4 months - DH took some extra holiday so I meant him returning from the Christmas break.
I have spoken to 2 GOs about not feeling too clever and they were both dismissive. I k ow there is 1 really good GO and this was the first appt I could get with him.

Sorry - GPs, not GOs

Do you have a decent HV? I had one amazing one and one dreadful one so it is a bit luck of the draw!

No they are not very good - they suggested CC at 3 weeks old

Yes it is very stressfull having a new babe but please seek help call and make an appointment with your GP as soon as possible.

And be a bit forgiving to the old man, men as a rule find it very difficit to cope with new babes and the changes and disruption they bring it seems to be there're not that well informed so do your best to explain to him how you feel and if he could do somethig of the chores in childrearing.

But please do see your GP and thell him or her whats worrying you OK:)

You really have to see your GP before the 21st. You are obviously exhausted and stressed and need some help now. Phone and ask for an emergency appointment. The thought of you having to cope with entertaining this week and at the weekend I think is the straw that's broken the camel's back. Can someone come in and help in the house, keep and eye on Lo, do some washing and ironing, take the hoover round and peel the veg. whilst you get some rest.
I would cancel the Thursday thing and see if any family and or friends can help with the weekend.

Double we have a cleaner which is really helpful. Fsmiou and friends are making stuff for the baptism so all.DH and I need to do is buy sandwiches etc and set the venue up.(again we have help with that).
I.might ask MIl to cook a vat of something for Saturday night. The holidays have exhausted me.

I don’t think it’s PND, you just sound exhausted which is frankly normal with a young baby.

I slapped DP around the face one morning when DS was about three weeks old. I was utterly exhausted and sick of being the one to always do all of the night wakings whilst he snored throughout. He made a snarky comment at me and I just lost it with him. Regretted immediately, never done anything like it before or since but the exhaustion just drove me to the brink. It is used as a torture method and it’s understandable why...

You need more help. Try co-sleeping if you don’t already, it has saved my sanity.

Ring up your GP and explain that you may have PND. Mine saw me the next day.

Are you using hormonal contraception? I found that was causing the PND (rather than the sleep deprivation which was merely ?! exacerbating it). It’s an acknowledged potential side effect which hadn’t affected me after DS1.

I threw a bottle of milk at DH's head when my first baby was tiny.

We were both exhausted, a bit in shock at the new life we had, and really small disagreements seemed huge and catastrophic.

I'd never suggest you don't see your GP, but to me it sounds like you're knackered and freaking out. This will pass, it really will. Have a really good calm heart to heart when your husband gets back. You need to be a team, give each other a pass if things get snippy, and have empathy for what's going on for the other person. And then when the newborn days are over you can look back and think 'we got through that together'.

I'd ditch the Thursday and Saturday plans though!

Agree with co-sleeping. At four months baby can probably latch on its own so you don't have to properly wake while it feeds.

Co sleeping doesn't really help unless I could sleep with DS in the crook of my arm and even then I have to rock him back to sleep when he wakes.

I called my GP and cried on the phone to the receptionist and was seen that day. My GP's were brilliant. My first visit was with a GP that had experience of PND and she was fabulous. Not getting good quality sleep does mess with our emotions and feelings. Recognising you feel the way you do is the biggest step.

My anxiety is through the roof. 3 times a day I have to put the sling on and walk with him. When I get him to sleep I bring him home. Its anybody's guess what might wake him up. Sometimes I can watch TV, or put the kettle on, sometimes it stirs him. And then he wakes up.
When he wakes from his last nap DH and I know we have 2 hrs to get him to bed. That's one hr to cook dinner, eat, try and maybe watch something k TV and then DH does bathtime while I wash up, do the cat etc. Its a breathless rush. And then because we are following SIDs advice and because we are knackered we go to bed with him. And I fall asleep thinking 'please just give me a 3 hr stretch'.
I'm in hell.

How are you doing OP?

He had a good night and I felt great the last night was awful. He wont settle for DH so there's no let up for me.

I'm just in shock that this is my life. I do nothing but shush and pat and rock.

God, I remember that feeling so well. I used to miss my life fiercely. My family, my colleagues, nipping out for a couple of drinks whenever I fancied, I yearned to feel free and not beholden to a tiny hungry screaming being.

It really, truly, does get better. Mine are both at school now and by the time I get home from work I'm desperate to see them, hear about their days. They're my favourite thing.

But you just are in shock right now - I think lots of us go through that.

And in terms of not settling for DH - he won't unless he learns to. I know it's really really hard but you've got to let DH find his own ways of being a parent. Otherwise you'll still be doing everything when he's 3,4,5 and that simply isn't feasible.

OP, I’ve been there. Be kind to yourself. You really need more sleep and if possible more support. But first sleep. I found it easier to cosleep as mine were always waking - they soon figure out how to feed themselves so I could sometimes sleep as they fed. I found getting into a lying position that suited them - takes figuring out - allowed me to still rest while they fed. In the first few weeks the constant having to carry them around to get them to sleep exhausted me.

It will get better, there is light at the end of the tunnel. For the next few weeks I would advise that you rest, relax or sleep while DH baths the baby. Forget about TV together for the next month, you need intensive sleep. It is only a short period and you could have a night away together when baby is about 6 months to reconnect.

Hey OP, I'm on the other sleep thread with you but just wanted to second having a chat with your doctor - you sound so sad and it's completely understandable. I'm sorry you're having such a shitty time. A couple of thoughts in the meantime:

1. Is there an option for you to take baby for X amount of time at night and then switch out with DH at say 4am, so that you can get a guaranteed 3 or 4 hour stretch (longer at weekends bar the one coming up?) at the end of the night? If DH goes to bed early he can still get a full night in but we've been doing this and it's made such a difference knowing I can start the day with a solid few hours under my belt - it's all the bloody stopping and starting sleep that's so exhausting I think.

2. Have you got a swing you could put him in that automatically rocks? This is the only way our LO will sleep in the day and after some initial tears when I put him in, he sleeps like a dream for a couple of hours as it mimics the rocking and has sounds and a swirly mobile-majiggy.

Sorry if those suggestions don't help much, but thinking of you. Please don't be too hard on yourself, it really is horrific when you have no sleep. My two year old was the same and he's the funniest, sweetest, most consistent sleeper (and napper) out there now

When I phoned my GP for an appointment about pnd the receptionist asked if I'd been having any suicidal Thoughts. Honest answer:yes. GP was on the phone to me and prescribed meds within an hour. The quicker you get seen the easier it'll be to cope.