Etiquette book from the 50s will answer everything you (n)ever wanted to know

[DowagerDuchessOfSass]

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen of mumsnet,
I have recently acquired a copy of a German etiquette book from the 1950s and it has helped me greatly in everyday situations such as "how to eat lobster" or "Can a lady refuse to dance at a public dance?" (Yes, it's a last resort as it's very embarrassing for the gent, but she can refuse. Should said gent try again later he proves "lack of pride and doesn't deserve sympathy")
Should you require (absolute batshit but hilarious) advice for all sorts of situations involving domestic staff, MILs, transatlantic cruises or the rules of flirtation, ask away, I shall provide.

Oh fun - it is even better than my 1930s housewifing book that tells you that men's underwear does not need washing every day

Sounds brilliant! I assume you have a copy of Debrett's in your library too?!

Not yet, just started this collection after finding a copy at my nan's place.
There was also a cookery book that had advice on how to make mouldy ham edible again

Tell me more about approptiate etiquete for a transatlantic cruise please.

Does it have any advice about dealing with mother-inlaws ?

ooh ooh!

I've got one!

I received a text today from someone who hasn't had my number before but it is the name of someone I know. They are thanking me for the Christmas present and card, and asking me how my Christmas was.

I didn't send them a Christmas present or card. If it was someone else I would wonder if they were trying to make me feel bad but they are not like that at all.

What do I do?

which book is that?
my dgm had one from that time

@WontShareMyAuPair

What a good question, I assume you have planned a luxurious trip on a big liner?
When travelling overseas there's a few things that you need to remember.
First of all, every class has their own spaces on board and you need to stick to them.
When travelling on a ship, you need to be on your best behaviour at all times as you'll be together with other people for weeks. It's necessary to introduce yourself to your fellow travelers when boarding (rules for proper introductions can be found in chapter 2).
When acquaintances travel in a higher class, never visit them without talking to the steward first, otherwise it would be most inappropriate.
Depending on the cabins you booked, you'll be expected to dress in a certain way for dinner, if you have cheap cabins, a nice dress for the lady and a nicer pair of trousers for the gent are acceptable. If you are travelling with more exclusive arrangements, a long dress for the lady and a smoking for the gent are expected.
In case you get seasick, stay away from others, it's not nice to watch.
Pay attention to everything the captain does, he's like a king on his ship. The highest privilege is an invitation to dine with him. When invited to such a "captain's dinner", guests are expected to arrive before the captain not leave before he does. It's good manners to take part in this as it's usually followed by some sort of charity ball for the crew.

What's the etiquette for dealing with your DH who keeps sniffing?! He hasn't got a cold, just a slightly damp nose and refuses tissues when I offer them to him every three minutes How rude would it be to bludgeon him to death with the tissue box

@SittingAround1
It says you should treat her with respect as you'd treat any family member older than you. However it has a big section aimed at the MIL on how to treat her DIL, containing gems such as:

-Remember that even if your DIL can't make a perfect roast beef yet, she might have other talents as writing or needlework and as she managed to learn these things, she's hopefully going to learn how to make some proper roast beef as well.
-Please praise her when she cooks instead of criticising her, praise is better received and more polite.
-Remember that your son will most likely side with his wife instead of you
-Tell MIL-jokes before others do it so you can prove that you have humour
-Leave before your DIL is fed up with you

@BalloonSlayer
this is a tricky one as the book doesn't know what a text even is and doesn't talk about accidental thank-you cards either.
I think you should therefore throw your phone away and pretend you never got the text (or text them a quick "sorry, wrong number?")
If it was to press for a gift, they are in the wrong as the book commands that one NEVER asks for gifts

@Prokupatuscrakedatus
this one, the title roughly translates into "Basic Etiquette"

Haha thank you. Would it be rude to send her a copy of the MIL advice page ?
We haven't had any roast beef issues but the 'leaving before DIL is fed up' would solve a lot of issues, same with my FIL. Any advice for him ?

Is there any advice on attire for a wedding style dinner, in winter, in the cold, for a lady ?

Does it cover work situations?

@TerfTerfTerf3
Book says: "Do it and bury him under the patio"

okay not quite

It states that the carers should be very kind, careful and understanding towards the sick person, however the sick person still has no right to disrespect those around him

@SittingAround1
not at all as it's specifically aimed at the darling MIL (and congratulations on your roastbeef non-issue)
There's nothing about FILs as they usually don't read these books.
There's however a section on visits in general and outstaying your welcome so I shall come back to that after a short break for housewifely duties

@DowagerDuchessOfSass
Is that the one by Dr. Gertrud Oheim?

There was a whole series of books telling people in the fifties how to do things or re-learn how to do things.
I still have the cooking book - with a section on how to do without. And there was a book about child rearing, car maintenance all with the same covers.

Exactly! My grandma has all of them, they seem so outlandish nowadays

I still use the cook book - all my christmas cookie recepies are in there.
And the book about child rairing / raising? had a section on how to make toys out of cardboard boxes.

I had a book like that once. The best bit was instructions how to get in and out of a car (so you don't flash anyone).

I used to have a book a bit like this. Apparently if you drop your napkin on the floor while eating you should under no circumstances try and pick it up yourself but indicate to your male companion and he will dash round from his side of the table to do it for you. A woman doing it hersslf would be inelegant and undermine her companion's gallantry.

Love these types of books, I have my late Mums copy of Frankly Feminine (1965) and it's huge fun. I now know how to care for my stockings, address an Admiral and rustle up a simple fork buffet for 40.

Also have a copy of Mrs Beeton, that's always good for a giggle - First Aid section, "Electrocution - treat as for Drowning"

I used to have an incredible etiquette book from the beginning of the 20th century. It had a very elaborate table showing what level of mourning is appropriate for the closeness of the relationship and the amount of time that has elapsed. A widow, for example, would be expected to wear all black trimmed with crepe for a year, and then I think black and grey without crepe for another year, and then grey and lilac for six months. But to wear black and crepe for a more distant relative, like an aunt, would be quite vulgar. Another chapter was full of sample letters for introducing yourself to different kinds of arisocrat with being irritating. And there was one section on the correct way for a gentleman to end an engagement- a subject so shocking that the authors scarcely knew how to begin. A gentleman may ONLY break off an engagement if it turned out that the lady in question had very significantly misrepresented her character or position.

Thanks Dowager! I went out for a couple of hours to buy a pickaxe to lift the patio slabs and and the sniff has now vanished.