Etiquette book from the 50s will answer everything you (n)ever wanted to know

[DowagerDuchessOfSass]

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen of mumsnet,
I have recently acquired a copy of a German etiquette book from the 1950s and it has helped me greatly in everyday situations such as "how to eat lobster" or "Can a lady refuse to dance at a public dance?" (Yes, it's a last resort as it's very embarrassing for the gent, but she can refuse. Should said gent try again later he proves "lack of pride and doesn't deserve sympathy")
Should you require (absolute batshit but hilarious) advice for all sorts of situations involving domestic staff, MILs, transatlantic cruises or the rules of flirtation, ask away, I shall provide.

Almost forgot the lobster question. You eat them like you'd eat all other kinds of crustaceans (they kindly included an instruction)

I have a German SIL. She could seriously do with reading a book about etiquette.

@HildaZelda Happy to provide you with some passages you can print out and send her anonymously

book talks a lot about getting older with dignity and accepting your age

This bit is surprisingly good advice. The rest isn't as bad as I expected either. Thank you Dowager

Although I suppose 'dignity' might mean getting a short haircut and a perm as soon as you hit 40, which is not so good advice.

How does one make a mouldy ham edible again? Please share!

Aww, my own foremothers were of more practical stock, and didn't have gems like these. Just highly practical books on rotational crops, chickens, beekeeping, wartime cooking, nutrition, and revolutional child rearing (My great grand father gave his wife a book on babies when they had their first. It tells you to love your child, and you know, feed and wash and treat their sniffles, and teach morality of course.)

We once had an etiquette book called 'Live Alone And Like It' aimed at the single female.

It had advice on getting rid of a male companion if they are outstaying their welcome after a pleasant evening's company.
You should stand and offer them a glass of water.
If they still don't get the hint, offer to call them a cab.

I had a book older than that, it belonged to husband's grandmother who died at 103! Quite genteel and seems funny. Will come back later with details if I can remember. I do know when reading, thinking at the time, if you knew nothing at point of reading, you would leave knowing (after reading) far less !

Fascinating though.

Please share gems from any other books you have, I am dying to hear them!

@EnidButton it is indeed good advice. A perm is not necessary, you should take care of yourself and always be clean and neat.
A woman of a certain age should wear neutral patterns and colours, pastel if her hair happens to be white. Her dresses shouldn't be too short. She also takes care of her hair and only wears neutral, timeless hats. Neutral shoes. Timeless jewellery. And up until 50, even a bit of red lipstick is allowed if it fits your type because "you haven't suddenly joined a convent".

@BadlyAgedMemes This book also has a section on children, it's probably very different from the book you know though

@Concernedmamab You make a thick paste consisting of salt and water and rub it on the mouldy bits to get them off. Then wash the ham and consume as soon as possible (don't have that book in front of me though but @Prokupatuscrakedatus will hopefully correct me if I'm wrong)

I've got a book, which belonged to my Dad, published in the mid 1960s called Drivers Wild, Wilder And Wildest. The author/illustrator was a man, so, as you can imagine, it's pretty sexist in places as far as women drivers are concerned - although there are a few women drivers who do get a more positive spin, but they're portrayed as being either tomboy types, 'butch' or country gals who spend their lives towing horse boxes in their Land Rover.

I'll see if I can find some gems later on today.

I really need to remember that red lipstick tip.

#haventjoinedaconvent

@Doobigetta but what happens if two people die within the same timeframe? If your husband died and then your aunt passed away a few months later, would you change your mourning attire, or would you be seen as disrespectful to the other dead relative?

It's probably similar to one I read once called The Total Woman. Again, written in the 50's and I can see my mother still doing many of the things suggested to maintain a happy marriage, such as 'Run a hairbrush through your hair and apply fresh lipstick before your husband arrives home from a long day at work, greet him at the door with a smile and offer him a small glass of sherry along with his slippers. Allow him to relax for a while before asking how his day has been and then serve his supper. '
Although it sounds archaic my parents have been happily married for 61 years and she still brushes her hair and puts fresh lippy on when he has been out. They are both mid 80's and still very active.
I also admit that I make sure I look nice for my husband when he's been away on business and I greet him with a smile. No body wants to come home to a hot mess! My DH and I have also been happily married for 35 years.

@DowagerDuchessOfSass
This is something I learned from DGM and have seen her do.
There is also a chapter on meal planning:
simple meals for everyday - always main and dessert, for vegetarians, for laundry days, for reconvalescents, for children and if you have people round for a little private dance)

I have Anita Colby's Beauty Book from the 1950s, given to me as a teenager by my mum, who recommended the diet and exercise routines. I remember her doing the arm exercises, trying to avoid underarm flab. From what I remember, many of the diet plan's meals were along the lines of "half a grapefruit and a graham cracker". It did have a section on how to gain weight, though, too, because gentlemen do not want to hold a bony woman, either, ya know.

Come to think of it, DM is 68 and has very little arm flab... Maybe I should look into those exercises!

OK, work one: advice on how to deal with a difficult senior colleague?

Dear Dowager
There is a gentleman to whom I have taken quite a shine to, at the swimming pool. How might I gain his attentions?

@butterfly you must wear attire suitable for the deepest state of mourning currently applicable. So, say you are 2 years and one month into mourning your husband, so are in grey and lilac half mourning, and your dear old aunt goes and dies. You would immediately go into full black mourning (no crepe) for one month to pay your respects to your aunt, and then at the end of that month you would revert to half mourning for your husband for a further four months.

@Doobigetta wow mourning was a complicated process!

My DGM was all in black for a whole year after her DH died in 1965.

Hello lovely not-yet-conventers,
ding dong, the Duchess is back
 @Doobigetta All these things about proper mourning are so interesting, sorry I hadn't noticed before, I didn't mean to ignore you!

@GnothiSeafton I am the crap driver the book talks about, I am curious what they have to say

@Borntobeamum that sounds lovely and I don't think there's anything wrong with a model like that as long as both partners are happy and nothing is forced and your home really sounds like a happy one

@Prokupatuscrakedatus you did? I'd never dare and my DM was shocked when I read out the passage to her? Did it work? And would you use the method today? Maybe I am just to fussy around food hygiene

@BadlyAgedMemes Please share any useful exercises to combat the dreaded arm flab 

I'll come back to the book questions in a separate answer because this already got so long, I talk too much

@Loopytiles
the book doesn't give any advice for specific situations so I'll give you advice from the section "Employer and Employee"
-Be friendly and polite, open the door, let your boss go in first etc.
-Your boss isn't just any boss, he's a human being and therefore has his own personal quirks and mannerisms. Remember what they are and respect them, even if you personally don't agree with them.
-Don't come running with small problems. Remember that because he receives a better salary, he also has bigger problems to deal with than you do.
-Don't consider it beneath you to apologise when you are wrong. Also accept any criticism without complaining even if you don't agree. Don't take it personally when your boss is angry, don't confront him. It's better to wait until he calms down and discuss then to resolve any misunderstandings.
-Never cross the boundaries, even if your boss is joking with you. When running into him on a private occasion it's vital to remember the usual rules of etiquette, being overly friendly and chummy with your boss reflects badly on you, distance is key.

Hope this helps, theres also a section on normal colleagues if that's not quite what you need

Loving this thread.
I have a book called “Everyone’s Best Friend” printed in 1938.
It covers: Love and courtship; Marriage; Difficult’ (sic) husbands/wives; Parents and children; Education; Etiquette for all occasions; How to deveop personality; Law - Everybody’s own Lawyer; the last chapter is ‘Pitfalls’. So very comprehensive! All done as a series of questions with (very robust and often quite patronising) answers. Great fun to read.