Etiquette book from the 50s will answer everything you (n)ever wanted to know

[DowagerDuchessOfSass]

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen of mumsnet,
I have recently acquired a copy of a German etiquette book from the 1950s and it has helped me greatly in everyday situations such as "how to eat lobster" or "Can a lady refuse to dance at a public dance?" (Yes, it's a last resort as it's very embarrassing for the gent, but she can refuse. Should said gent try again later he proves "lack of pride and doesn't deserve sympathy")
Should you require (absolute batshit but hilarious) advice for all sorts of situations involving domestic staff, MILs, transatlantic cruises or the rules of flirtation, ask away, I shall provide.

I have a copy of Mrs Beeton's Cookery Book that my great aunt gave my GM on her 21st birthday. There's advice on everything from cooking on a coal range to management of servants.

Love the MIL advice! Think it would still apply today and save considerable woe.
I have an old book of household advice, think it’s 1920-30’s and some of the answers are very ‘robust’. I will try to find it and come back to this thread.

I have a rather splendid little book - Etiquette for Gentlemen, Rules for Perfect Conduct

An afternoon call should be paid between the hours of 3 and 5:30pm in winter, and 6pm in summer. By observing this rule you avoid intruding before the luncheon is removed, and leave in sufficient time to allow the lady of the house an hour or two of leisure for her dinner toilette

A loud voice is both disagreeable and vulgar. We have known even ladies pride themselves on the saucy chic with which they adopt certain Americanisms and other cant phrases of the day. Such habits cannot be too severely reprehended.

To offer to carve a dish, and then perform the office unskilfully, is an unpardonable gaucherie.

Quite 🙂

My grandmother's wedding present to my mother was a Good Housekeeping compendium of three of their books. In one, along with the expected instructions for plucking, drawing and preparing fowl for roasting, is a passing mention of how to prepare a now critically endangered continental songbird for consumption - an Ortolan Bunting.

Do any of your books contain instructions for how to delicately contribute to the decimation of innocent little birds?

(or as I put it, How To Be An Utter Cunt Because You Want To Be Seen As Sophisticated/Upper Class).

I have the pocket book of etiquette. It taught me everything one could ever need to know when hosting a dinner party including how to eat peas!

I'd very much like to know how to keep my complexion looking youthful and fresh please.

And if there's anything about making beds or washing bed linen I'm sure the whole of MN want to know about it.

Just in case I killed the thread I was being tongue in cheek there. Do want to know what it says though. once went down a Pinterest rabbit hole looking at old beauty adverts. The sexism was so ridiculous.

Is there a chapter on how to greet people depending on how well and how long you've know them?

I recall a hilarious thread (not that that was the OP's intention - assuming it was real) from a couple of years back(?). She was complaining that an old, male family friend persisted on calling her by her childhood nickname even though she was now married and she thought he should therefore call her Frau X (yes, she was German or Austrian). She also complained about him kissing her hand when he greeted her (well, I could sort-of sympathise with her on that one). It was all most bizarre. But her opinions sounded as though they'd come from your 1950s etiquette book!

Oops, known

This is hilarious!

So how do you eat lobster?

My DC love a book I have. It's from the 17th century (reprint!) and aimed at children. I can't find it at the moment but it covers addressing school masters, the correct way to enter the presence of your parents, behaviour in church and much more. Obviously aimed at the upper classes.

Ooh yes, how frequently should you wash bed linen and towels? Mumsnet needs to know. Also, what do you do if a tradesman requests to use your ‘facilities’ and how do you clean them - with or without a toilet brush?!

The bed linen washing, toilet requests from tradesmen (because they are always men) and cleaning the toilets are all dealt with by the servants (female), the staff will have their own facilities any tradesmen can use, and should not be of concern to a houseowner!

@GnothiSeafton
I think I can remember that thread and one of her problems (a common one) is once you have acceptet to be on "Du" terms with somebody it is almost impossible to go back to "Sie" - even if the person turns out to be somebody whose character, opinions, misogyny etc. you cannot / want not tolerate.
That's why I find work situations were everybody is on first name terms (because it works for English speakers - you express distance differently in English) difficult. I do not want that degree of closeness to a sexist bloke just because I work with him.

@Prokupatuscrakedatus. I've been trying to AS that thread, on and off, today but was struggling to find some useful keywords. No luck so far. And, yes, I get the more formal Sie versus Du and I do know that there are formalities in German, French and many other languages which don't exist in the English language.

I have a book called 'Every Woman's Enquire Within' and it has a very useful section about how to deal with an 'hysterical' woman/girl:

Slap her across the cheek, splash her face with cold water and lock her in a bedroom until she's calmed down.

Is there any advice on how to deal with unsolicited dick pics?

@GnothiSeafton
It think it was removed - she asked the wrong people for advise. She should have asked in an Austrian or German forum - at least for her core problem. There was a lot of cultural misunderstading going on - though quite interesting seen from the outside.

You can have: du + first name, du + family name, Sie + first name,
Sie + family name + factors like age, gender relations, formality of situations, workplace vs. private etc. all play a part. - It's always a problem for translators of English books - when does the translation change from "Sie" to "Du"?

HollowTalk. You do realise that the OP's book of etiquette is from the 1950s?!?!

We need to be asking some more old-fashioned questions!!

Just wanted to show how times have changed!

Is there any advice on how to deal with unsolicited dick pics?

Slap them with a baseball bat, chuck a bucket of cold water over them and lock them in a room for the rest of their lives-- until they've worked out it's a vile thing to do?

You respond in kind.

Sorry I've been gone so long, down with the flu and therefore mostly napping, I shall come back to your questions now

@SittingAround1 for a wedding style dinner I consulted the section "registry office wedding" which says a nice coat and skirt or a dress (knee length)

@Loopytiles it does

@Prokupatuscrakedatus I used to "consult" the baby book when my cousins and I played hospital with our dolls because it looked like a very smart book  I shall have a look for the cardboard box toys next time I am at my nan's

@TerfTerfTerf3 I'll happily provide you with an Alibi

@EnidButton Very well, the book talks a lot about getting older with dignity and accepting your age. It also has some advice regarding make-up, such as "Don't get ready in public. Even your husband would rather admire you as a complete work of art without knowing how it came to be" and "You'll probably possess enough good taste to realise you don't need fake lashes or eyeshadow, they may be necessary in front of a camera but such extravaganza could easily be misunderstood "

next message because I forgot half

Du vs. Sie is THE ENEMY, I tell you. Especially weird when you are suddenly on Du-Terms with people who always were Sie. I envy you for the general you, makes things so much easier.
Therefore the section on greeting and introducing oneself is 22 pages long 

Bed linnen and towels: it doesn't give a time frame, I think there must be a housekeeping book from the same series though. It says the bedroom should always be tidy enough for you to have visitors there.

Tradesmen are not supposed to use the facilities

@HollowTalk when someone sends you an unsolicited painting or photograph of their dick, send it to their mother with a note telling her how you got it. Not from the book but will solve the problem, hth