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Original poster

Entitled parenting at Waddesdon Manor this afternoon...

126 replies

bookwormsforever · 31/12/2018 18:54

Previous post was deleted because I mentioned names...

We were sitting in Wigwam cafe outside watching a light installation. There was a semi circle of trees, each being lit up. Two screens behind a rope for kids to press and the lights changed colours.

Anyway, two kids went under the ropes and over to the lights. They SAT on a light, breaking the cover off. Then they turned two lights so they faced the opposite way. Parents? Standing watching them with indulgent smiles. Kids were about 5.

When the dad went over to call them back, I said to him, do you think you could parent your children? They're not meant to be behind the ropes, they're spoiling it for everyone, and they've damaged a light. He just looked at me and said 'right'. Then as he walked away he flipped me the bird (the kids said; I didn't see).

What a knob. And the mum too. No wonder kids are enttiled if this is the sort of shitty parenting they grow up with.

OP posts:
JillScarlet · 01/01/2019 11:24

“sort your fucking kids out mate, they're breaking the lights"

Without the ‘fucking’ this would be great.

It depends what you want out of an exchange. If you want to be effective and actually get the kids away from the lights, (or be quiet at the ballet or stop running round your table) concentrate on the action. “Could you keep your child quiet please so that we can enjoy the music “ “your child is disturbing our dinner” etc.

If you want to let them know that you are judging and despising their parenting ( and justifiably so,) say ‘could you parent your children’, where the focus is in their parenting, not the action you want stopped.

That’s all.

planespotting · 01/01/2019 11:28

@JillScarlet I actually think that saying that without the fucking would have been much better than "parent your children"
Simple, clear, assertive
{writes it down}

bumblingbovine49 · 01/01/2019 11:46

Ffs
Who the hell is going to respond well to the way you spoke.to them?. You had already decided the parents were terrible so nothing they did or said in response to you would have been enough anyway. I'f have flipped you the bird too if you had spoken like that to me, regardless of whether my parenting had been good enough in that.moment.

Also why on earth say something as the parent is begininng to do something - ie just as they were calling the children over. Say something as it is happening to the child or staff or to the parent ('Just letting you know your children have broken a light and the staff mat not be happy or your children could get hurt' or something similar)

I.dont believe the parents were looking on ' indulgently' for ages and they obviously won't over to.call them.out Sometimes we don't always notice if children are doing something that shouldn't , because we are human.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
user1492809438 · 01/01/2019 12:51

We have a very small boat. It was moored close to the beach and a young woman was lifting her child onto it and encouraging her to jump off into the water. I watched a couple of times then said, "excuse could you tell me where your car is?"
'Why?'
" Because I will take my children to it and let them jump from the bonnet."
Clue total incomprehension on her face!

AGHHHH · 01/01/2019 15:05

You had already decided the parents were terrible

Probably because they were. There was clearly no attempt to control them. No excuse.

Silkei · 01/01/2019 15:10

You’re lucky he only gave you the finger and didn’t punch you. The type of people who fail to parent their kids are also the type who will attack you if you dare to point it out. For your own safety you’re better off not commenting on the behaviour of others.

MadameButterface · 01/01/2019 15:23

“Also why on earth say something as the parent is begininng to do something - ie just as they were calling the children over. Say something as it is happening to the child or staff or to the parent ”

Came herr to say this. And agree that you have to tailor your words to your preferred outcome - if you want someone to stop their kids doing something specific then say that. What op said was a general comment implying the man was a shitty parent - which obviously he was, but equally obviously (i’d have thought at least) framing a remark in such a way is more likely to lead to defensiveness and confrontation.

Original poster
bookwormsforever · 01/01/2019 17:22

bumbling - believe it or not, but it happened. They must have been looking on for 5 mins. I thought it was better to approach the dad rather than the dc, I wasn’t going to climb over the rope and go onto the installation too! And I only went over to him when I did because he was a few tables away from me and it was crowded - too tricky to get to him. He then came out from his table to the rope, which is when I spoke to him.

And he only came over to say their hot chocolate had arrived, not to stop them!!

As for what I expected, I pointed out the dc shouldn’t be behind the rope, and said they’d broken a light, and said the lights were there for us all to enjoy. Clear, no? Get the dc out from behind the rope!

I think ‘Sort your kids out, they’re breaking the lights’ is more aggressive - would it have got a better response? Probably not, as the bloke was a twat.

What would you advise saying, @madamebutterface?

@Silkei, it takes a village. There were lots of people there, so if he had punched me, I’d have had witnesses...

OP posts:
Original poster
bookwormsforever · 01/01/2019 17:23

@BumblingBovine - ‘Sometimes we don't always notice if children are doing something that shouldn't , because we are human’

Oh, they noticed. At one point the dad was in there with them!!

OP posts:
Silkei · 01/01/2019 18:19

There were lots of people there, so if he had punched me, I’d have had witnesses
Personally I’d rather not be punched, given that the police will do bugger all about it.

Original poster
bookwormsforever · 01/01/2019 21:32

Given that he was so apathetic with his kids, I really didn’t think he’d get physical...

OP posts:
MadameButterface · 01/01/2019 23:51

“What would you advise saying”

Well you have to address the specific behaviour you want to stop don’t you, so saying ‘I don’t think children are allowed back there, it’s not safe/they’re breaking the installation’ or whatever

Criticising someone’s general parenting, no matter how justified you feel you are, may feel gratifying, and give you that ‘and the whole bus/cafe/supermarket stood up and clapped’ type feeling, but it is confrontational and just leads to them feeling angry and defensive and reacting with aggression and ignoring what you’re saying. As i believe you discovered :)

xsahm · 01/01/2019 23:56

YABU... most of us have given up parenting now and can't wait to get the kids back to school Grin

This was a step too far though, but I guess the conversation was never going to go well. Personally I'd have found a member of staff to say something

Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/01/2019 00:17

Yanbu. The parents sound like the wankers who brought their kids balance bikes into the mall the other day to run over other peoples feet....

MadameFoner · 02/01/2019 01:44

The OP was a lot more polite by saying "parent your kids" than I would have been!

knittedjest · 02/01/2019 04:04

I always say something and not in a shy way. But I am confrontational and love a good fight. Unfortunately for me it's never gotten physical. It only continues to happen because people are too afraid to say something but the parents who are too afraid to say no to the children are not about to find their balls when seriously confronted, usually they just slink away with their tails between their legs.

Original poster
bookwormsforever · 02/01/2019 18:43

But, @MadameButterface, that's what I did say!!!!

You suggested: 'I don’t think children are allowed back there, it’s not safe/they’re breaking the installation’. I said 'They're not meant to be behind the ropes, they're spoiling it for everyone, and they've damaged a light.' That's pretty bloody similar!!!

And there were NO staff around to ask. None.

OP posts:
drspouse · 02/01/2019 19:09

It's not what you said about their specific behaviour. It's the fact you told their parent that he wasn't parenting.

MadameButterface · 02/01/2019 19:23

And yet, from your op:

“When the dad went over to call them back, I said to him, do you think you could parent your children? ”

According to what you first said you opened with a general criticism that implied he was a shit parent Confused

Obviously he would not have been receptive to anything you said after that, because it was a confrontational opener.

Can you clarify? Did you genuinely open with that remark, or do you just wish you had because you thought it would play better to the crowd here?

Hermagsjesty · 02/01/2019 19:26

I think if you actually said, “could you parent your children?” then that’s very, very rude. I don’t think it’s rude to have said “I don’t think they’re supposed to be behind there, they’re spoiling it for other children and they’ve damaged a light”, so, whether YABU depends which you actually said.
My only other thought is how do you know he wasn’t calling them over for hot chocolate in order to distract/ remove them from the situation?

Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/01/2019 19:27

I would be mortified if someone told me to parent my children and too embarrassed to be rude!

CarolDanvers · 03/01/2019 00:32

I always say something and not in a shy way. But I am confrontational and love a good fight. Unfortunately for me it's never gotten physical

You sound like a complete nightmare yourself tbh.

ladymariner · 03/01/2019 05:10

drspouse were you at Waddesdon, by any chance.....??

drspouse · 03/01/2019 08:29

I don't even know where it is.

MissionItsPossible · 04/01/2019 00:37

@planespotting It is clear from your posts that you are nothing at all like the entitled parent described in the OP and examples throughout the thread. 👍🏽