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Original poster

Something weird has happened - online dating

75 replies

Jenasaurus · 29/12/2018 19:11

I joined OK Cupid a few years ago, since then ive been in a long distance relationship with someone I met locally who since moved to a city 3 hours away. We meet up once every 4-5 weeks and normally message daily. He told me in the past he discovered my online dating profile and also went through my FB messages. These were in the past and we moved on. Now this Christmas, he is away with his family (he has 4 grown up children from his past marriage and they take it in turns seeing them). He has rented a cottage in the country and I have had a lovely Christmas with my own 3 grown up children at home. He wished me a happy Christmas on Christmas day but then no messages, I assumed no wifi or access to internet etc, or he was enjoying time with his family, which I thought was lovely but half an hour ago I got an email saying I had a match and message on OKCupid, I was surprised as hadn't used it in ages, clicked and then spotted a message sent by me at 20 past 6 tonight to this guy! which he has responded to...now I am scared, either I have a split persona and my alter ego sent the message, or its him and the lack of messages from him this Christmas takes on a more sinister form. He is meant to be seeing me tomorrow but I am worried he will be odd, he is mainly lovely but has a strange obsessive streak and his marriage fell apart because he read her diary and behaved very strangely (he admitted this) otherwise if its not him sending the fake messages from me on the site is there something else dodgy going on, quite worried to be honest

OP posts:
GreyGardens88 · 29/12/2018 19:15

Why are you with him if you know he is obsessive and weird, plus long distance Confused

Cabbagesoupsucks · 29/12/2018 19:16

Ditch him. Maybe he is trying to see how you react.

planespotting · 29/12/2018 19:16

Ohhh I had a friend whose ex hacked into her phone and started messaging people Confused
He was her BF at the time

I would tell and ask him.

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/12/2018 19:17

Just to check I understand - you met him, he found out you had an OKCupid account afterwards and snooped in it and your Facebook messages, you forgave him and now this evening someone has sent a message to him, from your account?

Did you meet him initially on OKCupid?

This is odd, and given that he has previous for strange controlling behaviour towards women and invading peoples privacy, I'd be very cautious. I definitely wouldn't be meeting him tomorrow.

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2018 19:20

Well ok why are you with someone like this?

You suspect he's catfishing as you, it's creepy. He's got previous.

Cmon. End it. Life's too short to desperately cling to the weirdos.

Original poster
Jenasaurus · 29/12/2018 19:26

anchordowndeepbreath" - I didn't meet up with anyone from the dating site, too shy do that, instead a family friendship turned into romance, weve been together a while but since he moved away I have felt lonely and wondered if this is something we should revert back to just friends. He tells me he isn't jealous and on the whole seems happy for me to mix with people and socialise, its just this message supposedly sent by me today has worried me, it may be that the site has been corrupted and nothing to do o with him.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 29/12/2018 19:29

As he's got form for this, it des sound like it's him.

Insomnibrat · 29/12/2018 19:29

What was the content of the message OP? Vaguely...

browneyesbignose · 29/12/2018 19:30

Your nickname seems very identifiable OP. If you are as simple with your passwords I don't think it would take much.

Get all of your passwords changed immediately and delete the OKC.

And then post with a new nickname here

browneyesbignose · 29/12/2018 19:31

Instinct is there for a reason OP. Please trust it.

Original poster
Jenasaurus · 29/12/2018 19:34

it was a very nice message to a man telling him he looked cute but would look cuter without the sunglasses and then he added one of these :) which I don't think my bf would know how to do...he is 57 and doesn't use emojis etc so I wonder if its not him at all and I am in completely the wrong thought process

OP posts:
10PollyPockets · 29/12/2018 19:34

Have you watched you on Netflix?! Watch it and it will put you off him lol

GinIsIn · 29/12/2018 19:37

Weird and sinister aren’t exactly ideal boyfriend qualities - ditch him.

Glaciferous · 29/12/2018 22:07

Change all your passwords now. I don't think this man sounds like a nice person. Either he is getting off on pretending to be you or he is planning to get cross with you about your supposed behaviour and gaslight you into thinking you are going nuts, IMO.

Also reply to the guy who got 'your' message saying you're very sorry but you think your account was hacked as you did not send that message. That will shut down the potential for gaslighting somewhat.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 29/12/2018 22:15

he is mainly lovely but has a strange obsessive streak

Run, don't walk.

sackrifice · 29/12/2018 22:19

When you say a message was sent to this guy, you mean this guy or a random guy?

Either way you need to ditch him. But you know that.

Original poster
Jenasaurus · 30/12/2018 07:29

His lack of contact since Christmas Day, then receiving an email notification from an old dating account saying someone replied to my message (which I didn't send) is very odd. I am putting 2 and 2 together and not sure if I am correct but I have sent him an email, saying I hope he has had a nice festive time with his family but advised him not to come to see me as I have made plans. I kept it light and friendly but I did add the following at the end of the email

"Also, hard to ask this as I doubt you would do this to me and do trust you, but someone has hacked an old dating profile of mine and is sending messages to men pretending to be from me, I am sure it isn't you but needed to ask, hope this hasn't upset you, just confused by it or the motivation behind it to be honest. I am going to report it as hacked as it may mean someone also has access to my other online accounts such as banking, paypal etc and wanted to check"

I sent he email last night, have had no rely, he could be without wifi and my phone isn't working so he may have tried to text or call but this all seems very strange from someone and like a PP said I have an anxiety feeling that he is building up to an epic anger outburst, I am expecting him to pretend he didn't receive the email saying I had made other plans and will then turn up on my doorstep and be mad about the profile even though he is the one sending messages and he knew it was there, I didn't hide anything from him, in fact we have both agreed with the long distance and our ages if we meet someone else, then that's OK as long as we are happy so I am even more confused by that message if it wasn't him that hacked my account.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenasaurus · 30/12/2018 07:34

When you say a message was sent to this guy, you mean this guy or a random guy?

No just a random guy, I did explain to the guy that he messaged that I was sorry but it wasn't from me, he said he hadn't heard of that happening before! anyway the other possibility is far scarier, it could be I don't have any awareness of my actions and am actually sending messages myself and then not remembering literally 10 mins after they were sent!

OP posts:
Weezol · 30/12/2018 07:45

Have a read through the link. He sounds pretty awful to me. He's got form for disrespectful behaviour and isn't making much effort in the relationship.

www.thehotline.org/what-is-gaslighting/

Gilead · 30/12/2018 07:47

Forgetting is unlikely, you’ve remembered this thread without any bother.

BifsWif · 30/12/2018 07:51

He has you doubting yourself already - it’s extremely unlikely that you sent a message and have no recollection of it at all.

Trust your feelings, this man sounds strange at best and abusive at worst.

CupoBlood · 30/12/2018 07:53

What are you planning on doing if he does turn up?

DailyMailFuckRightOff · 30/12/2018 07:57

Run for the hills.

Original poster
Jenasaurus · 30/12/2018 07:58

if he turns up, I wont answer the door, childish I know, but if I do let him in, I will be stuck and I fear he will do a number on me. The one concern is though, there is a chance, although a slim one, that he didn't hack my account and send the message, in which case I have been unfair and the hacker is someone else, who has actually caused more distress to more people.

I just cant see anyone else sending it, why would they? The message wasn't crude or over the top, it was a friendly innocuous comment so not a hacker having fun, why would that amuse someone without any motivation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenasaurus · 30/12/2018 08:02

There is also the chance that his lack of communication is his way of ending the relationship, which is fine, although again not something I would imagine him doing. I just want to draw a line under it and move on. One complication is I am going on holiday with his DD next year for 2 weeks to Spain, I have known her for years and she is my DDS best friend so I am taking the 2 of them and my DDs BF away for a holiday, he was originally coming as well but cant get the time off work.

OP posts: