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How did having a baby change you, as a person?

56 replies

Noonlight · 28/12/2018 19:06

Not how did the baby change your life, but did they and if so how did they change you as a person?

OP posts:
Athena51 · 28/12/2018 23:21

Having DS taught me the true meaning of fear - the fear that anything might happen to him is the biggest fear of my life. I have successfully raised him to adulthood though, so there's that Smile

Also that I could love someone so much that I would cheerfully and without hesitation give my life for them.

Graphista · 28/12/2018 23:22

Made me more assertive - almost instantly! That visceral need to protect prompted reactions to certain events that I never would have predicted before I had her.

Made me learn how to pick my battles - arguing with a 2 year old that the sky is not green is pointless! 😂😂 arguing with them that they cannot wear flip flops in 2 foot snow however is necessary.

Worry less about what people think (though I agree with pp this is partly age) small kids don't care if their farts are loud and smelly, that it's considered unusual to burst into musical numbers in the supermarket - complete with correct dance moves, or that wearing a fairy costume for a week might be a bit odd!

That I can survive pretty much anything. Dd and I nearly died when I had her, ended in emcs. Her father cheated & we split when she was just 2, his actions basically left us homeless, penniless and starting from scratch in a place I had no support network. Yet we not only managed but for the next few years we actually did pretty well. I then had a serious car accident (dd not in car thankfully) and a breakdown - that was probably toughest time ever, yet we survived that too. Struggling to still believe this at present as health very poor, but I'm trying to remember.

I've been surprised at the external pride. That feeling when your child does really well at or achieves something and you're just SO chuffed for them!

However, conversely she is the only person in the world who can really hurt me or make me angry. She knows EXACTLY which buttons to push. That's been a shocker!

Homemadegin - my dd is also a rainbow, I lost 3 before her. That first year especially is tough! I have OCD (not dx till after dd but definitely was there before) and that went nuts after I had her! I tried to be relaxed about minor illnesses (which she didn't make easy she's a bugger for spiking v high temps in response to a simple cold even now! And she's nearly 18) and the usual tumbles and bumps that come with increased mobility but damn it was hard! It does get easier I promise. If you speak to others with rainbows I'm sure they'd say the same.

On feminism - I'd always considered myself a feminist before dd but definitely more so for being the mother of a dd. Especially since she reached a point where she started getting boys/men interested sexually. She's very tall for her age (at this point for anyone's age! 6ft and still growing!) so looked/seemed older which proved really problematic at times. We have the kind of relationship where we discuss such things. Sadly harassment, low level sexual assault seems very much a part of life for girls & Young women now. A lot of her friends shrug it off, whereas she tells the perpetrators off! Which makes me both proud & anxious.

Much more conscious of my mortality. Partly due to what happened when I had her, partly as I had a health scare when she was primary age and her dad I knew at that point was useless and really there was nobody else I'd have been happy with them raising her. That worried me greatly.

Philomensapie · 29/12/2018 07:23

I grew up.

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WrithingHomeForChristmas · 29/12/2018 07:43

Pros -
Less lazy, make the most of every moment/multi task
Feel complete
Feel more secure in my relationship with DH (low self esteem so used to worry he'd leave me as I'm crap)
Appreciate small things and nature more, focus on experiences and not stuff
More empathic
Closer relationships with both my family and ILs and more appreciative of my parents

Cons -
Still tired as fuck 7 years on and often grumpy as a result
Hardly have any friends - previous friend group were arty/alternative types who have mostly decided not to have friends or are just starting to have them now. Eldest DC has behaviour issues so other parents don't want (their kids) to socialise with us.
Have realised I have martyr tendencies

sdaisy26 · 29/12/2018 08:00

Made me more confident. I talk to anyone and everyone now.

I became less of a perfectionist, there is no time now to do everything so focus on the important things. Overall this has made me happier I think.

Noonlight · 01/01/2019 09:02

I only just managed to find the time to read all of these - thank you for your insights! Very interesting to see all different perspectives

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