How did having a baby change you, as a person?

[Noonlight]

Not how did the baby change your life, but did they and if so how did they change you as a person?

I became a lot more patient than I thought I could be. I'm surprised at how well I (usually) deal with the tantrums and tears.

I'm more emotional for sure. DD is a rainbow baby after a very long road and multiple losses. She's only 9 weeks old but I doubt my blessings every single moment.

It's made me incredibly anxious but I think that's the journey and the urge to keep her safe. I want to lock the door and cuddle her tight.

I've chilled out a huge amount generally though. I have a stressful career and am shocked at how quickly I have adjusted to being at home. I've gone from recording every moment of time in units to being late for nearly everything. I think I care less about the small stuff and more about what's really important.

Made me far more emotional, I can literally cry over anything. Made me more proactive, I always fill my time to try and get on top of things (it never works). Also shortened my attention span (probably due to the tiredness) but I used to be quite good at having interesting conversations with friends, nope not anymore, lose interest v quickly

I've been told I'm much more chilled in general since having DS, I think because the small (other stuff) doesn't matter to me anymore

I am however, much more privately anxious

I’m a lot less tolerant of time wasting bullshit than I was before, probably because I feel very “complete” as a person (not solely down to having children) and with this comes the confidence and self belief that heaven help me I wish I’d had in my twenties.

I'm still learning after 14 years, but...

I'm definitely more confident. Less selfish. More tolerant. More worried about the future of our world. Learned that I can stand anything, but the pain of my children (emotionally) cuts me the deepest and that's now my vulnerable spot. No longer ever afraid for myself - just for them.

My child has changed my life although she is not my first child
I have gained the courage to leave the abusive relationship I was in for half a decade and get a job self confidence and be so very very happy

She has quiet possibly saved my life as I no longer have contact with her abusive dad and if not for god blessing me with her it may have ended very different for me

She has saved my life in a nut shell I love her more then words could ever describe

I had been so driven all my life to achieve this, that and everything else (studies, career, sport etc) and that everything has to be planned to the minuet.

Following the birth of DS1 I realise that I need to be happy and more relaxed about the present moment, not chasing everything and constantly planning iyswim.

I also discovered a new form of love, that will never leave me no matter wht.

With DS , I discovered there were 24 hours in a day (mainly because the little bugger rarely slept, and if he did honour me with some shut-eye it was when I was walking him in the pram, getting fresh air into his little lungs. As soon as the pram wheels hit the front doorstep he was wide awake )

So, I learned to cope on 2 hours of sleep at a time .
DD , slept like a provervial baby , bless her !

DS and DD are both clever , handsome/beautiful and both make me proud of them every day . They have given me a sense of achievement that DH and I have created these two lovely young people

I cringe when I say this but it's true:

My children made me complete. They filled a huge hole in my life that I didn't even know was there.
Turns out I love kids in general and I really love being a Mum. I only wish I'd known sooner, I'd have had mine so much younger.

I've been amazed by my resilience, but I'm also now acutely aware of how much I need time alone.

Made me realise that I cant control everything. Hard work, planning, research, determination - all the things that are supposed to give you the results you want made no difference at all.

This ^

Also, I become a lot more emotional.

I also realised that life was a lot less 'black and white' or 'right and wrong' that I used to think it was. Pre-children, I was less patient with people / things / situations / services that didn't come up to scratch. Now I know that so many people are doing their best.

My 'goals' or 'life plan' changed massively. I realised I didn't want to soley focus on my career and I realised the value in appreciating all you have rather than constantly striving for what you haven't. (Some of this might have been to do with bereavements - it is sometimes difficult to separate out different parts of your life and what shapes your thinking).

This is going to probably sound strange but here goes:

Having my DS, who is now 2, has:

• made me learn to cook from scratch. Prior to having him and even being with my husband (we have been together for 4 years before we had our DS), I was living off microwave meals! I wanted him to eat healthy and to have a well balanced nutritional diet and I knew that I had to learn how to cook, so I did!

• has motivated me to work harder at work and also at home and to just stop being a lazy cunt. I've always been a lazy person and I still am but I kick myself and tell myself that being lazy is not going to get me anywhere in life

• he has given me something to look forward to every day. Every morning I used to dread waking up because I was facing the same shit again (work, shit, eat, sleep, repeat).

• I am more confident of my abilities. I am able to socialise a bit confidentially as I am a introvert and hate being in groups, but since going to play group and other outings, I've come out of my shell a bit

Negative sides are:

• more tired. I am more tired because I work and I have a toddler to deal with as well

• grumpy. I am grumpy when I'm tired or due on! Before, I would just lay in bed and sleep it off but I can't do that now, so I am just even more grumpier. Thankfully it isn't a regular thing!

It made me less selfish because I had to put someone else first. It took away my hopes and dreams because I had to dedicate myself to childcare and give up my job. It took away all enjoyment in my life because I have no time for hobbies or even watching tv, I have a child glued to me 24/7. It made me constantly grumpy and tired and mean. It isolated me from my husband because DS won’t sleep on his own so I have to sleep with him instead of DH. It took away my vanity because I have no time or money for hair and makeup, and my body is a fat scarred mess so I lost all interest in clothes and exercise because there’s no way to make me look nice. I’m literally a shell of my former self.

I’m a year in. I’d say the change in me has been glacial. The impact is big, the landscape is being remade but I’m not sure what the end result will be and it’s not immediately perceptible.

I think it’s expansive. I feel...embiggened. Like I’m fully feeling all of the feels in a way I didn’t before. I have definitely been taken to the end of my rope more than I care to think about.

It’s uncovered things, too.I didn’t realise how much I valued my independence until I had a little person that couldn’t be away from me for more than a few hours.

My priorities are rearranged. I am looking at changing career as financial security has become more important to me.

It’s changed my relationships, mostly for the better. I know I have an absolute rock solid partner in this now. I am even closer to my Mum. I have some common ground with my somewhat tricky mil which was unexpected.

The volume has been turned up on the anxiety I’ve always experienced so I’ve sought some help with that. I also had the grappling with mortality thing, I remember phoning my mum up in the slightly crazed early days because I’d just had the realisation that one day I would be the Mum. I was no longer the child of so and so, and one day she would not be there. It still makes me well up thinking about it!

I feel less confident, weirdly. My concentration is shot to shit and I can’t keep things in my working memory anymore, which used to be excellent. It’s unnerving to go from being the person who always knows where things are to just having to surrender to not knowing. But that’s probably the sleep deprivation talking. I haven’t slept for longer than four hours at a time in a year, and it’s usually more like 2/3. I have learnt that I can’t problem solve everything and that’s ok...

I think my core identity has remained, I’m not someone who would describe herself as ‘mummy’ in any social media tag and it’s not one of the first things I think about myself. But my priorities are different.

it enabled me to make a tonne of new friends in a new area that I moved into. I’m less selfish and far more mild mannered now. I’ve realised what is truly important in my life and babe found a love I never thought existed.

Having a baby also enabled me to get over my ex (her father) because I loved her too much to let him back in only to hurt her too. I’d never put him before my child whereas before I was willing to take him back whatever he did.

I am more confident, less self absorbed, feel like a proper adult, less introverted, feel I can relate to most people now as they are also parents.

I'm more selfish and resentful of the lack of "me" time.

Also have far more empathy now and yes not everything is black and white like it used to be.

I don't think my daughters have changed me they've bought out bits of my personality that were always there.

I've always been emotional and cried over silly things but could control it whereas now there's no chance and I often sob and can't stop.

I'm also protective of those I love but would have been more of a rant after the event type but now if anyone hurt my child I wouldn't think twice of having it out there and then.

I've also enjoyed being a bit childish at times ie going on the swings when there's nobody there but now don't care who's watching and am on the slides and swings as much as the kids.

I suddenly care about things being tidy! I was a year past graduating when I got pregnant and would happily live in student-style filth, now I’m one of those people who can’t relax if the house is a tip. Don’t get me wrong it’s never immaculate but my base standard has gone up a lot.

I’m also a wimp now, can’t watch anything where children are in danger, cry at the drop of a hat

Made me deeply happy in a way I never imagined was possible for me. Felt more beautiful with my baby postpartum than I ever did when I had a 6 pack. More centred, confident, decisive. Tired, yes, but that's ok.

Like the idea of it being glacial reet

The good.... far more confident and willing to stand up to advocate for my children. Organisational skills are off the scale. Much less selfish and superficial. More empathetic in general.... I see my children in all children and even in some adults. More content with a "small life"....I don't need lots of money, high flying career and glamourous social life so long as my children are healthy and happy.

The bad.... anxiety. Went from never really being a worrier to worrying a lot, especially about my own mortality. This wasn't helped my the fact that my body took a pounding during my pregnancies and I now have a life long condition that I didn't prior to children.

It's made me lazy, tired and fat... and I no longer have any patience 😞