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Original poster

Moderating a FB group - would you remove the post?

54 replies

Bookridden · 28/12/2018 12:58

I run a FB group for all y9 parents at DD's school. It's a friendly, helpful group with lots of posts and reminders. One parent, let's call her Clare, recently posted to say she was upset and angry that her DD was being bullied by another y9 girl. She did not name or in any way identify the alleged bully, but said she was fed up of the meanness and would be in touch with the school if this girl didn't stop. Other parents expressed sadness about this and agreed that any bullying is vile behaviour. The parent of the alleged bully has now asked for the post to be removed as she says her daughter is upset even though not identified. This is really a wwyd: remove the post or not?

OP posts:
HarrySnotter · 28/12/2018 13:03

I would remove it. It's not the correct place for it.

MerryMarigold · 28/12/2018 13:06

I think if it was inappropriate, it should have been deleted earlier not now.

IAmRubbishAtDIY · 28/12/2018 13:06

Screenshot it first. Or can you hide it from everyone, I'm not sure why, but I would want to keep a record of it, just in case.

AbiBranning · 28/12/2018 13:06

If the child is recognising herself does that mean she realised what she's done? That sounds like the parents are aware their child is a bully and are condoning it. As for removing if it doesn't break your rules there is no reason to remove it as surely we all want meaness to stop. However it's your call, but if you do remove make sure that the OP is aware of the reasons why and that they are not to blame.

Wowserme · 28/12/2018 13:07

Agree with HarrySnotter, let her discuss the matter with the school in private. X

SnuggyBuggy · 28/12/2018 13:08

Maybe you need to review and reiterate some rules for the group

PrincessScarlett · 28/12/2018 13:10

It sounds like the parent is passively aggressively getting a message across to the "bully". Although I can understand the parent is upset she should really be taking this up with the school and not putting o. Facebook. Schools really do not like parents airing this kind of stuff on social media as it is not going through the correct channels and can lead others to get involved unnecessarily. I have experienced this twice at my DCs school and both times (despite no names being posted) the school has been made aware and told the parents to delete their posts.

OP, I think you should delete the post and remind everyone the group is for reminders, questions, every day chit chat but if parents have any serious issues they need to take it up with the school directly.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 13:12

Of course I'd remove it.

Then tell the person who posted it to pack it in and let the school deal with it privately.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 28/12/2018 13:13

I wouldn’t delete it. The child hasn’t been named. How awful for the poor girl feeling bullied and her family. If you remove it you might look you aren’t supporting them and they feel even more isolated. Why shouldn’t they be given a voice? Don’t sweep bullying under the carpet by deleting it - you are giving the message bullying shouldn’t be talked about

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 13:17

Redsky there are two sides to every story. The parent of the other child has worked out who's being accused here, so it's likely everyone else will too.

That in itself could be seen as bullying.

The OP is best to delete and nip this drama in the bud immediately.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 28/12/2018 13:18

Bullying isn’t ‘drama’. Yes there are two sides but usually children can call a bully. Rarely does a child call bullying when it isn’t happening.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 28/12/2018 13:20

And look already at the language you use - someone talking about being bullied is ‘creating drama’.

Would you say this about a women being abused by her husband - posting online for support and coming public with it to try and stop it? Is she creating drama and also should delete her post

Your attitude assists bullies

Redskyandrainbows67 · 28/12/2018 13:22

Op I would go back to the Bullys mum with the groups posting guidelines and if the poster hasn’t broken any them say you have no grounds to remove it

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 13:24

The parent of the bully should be more concerned with their child’s bullying and less concerned with sniping about social media.

Why does it always end up about protecting the bully and not the victim?

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 13:25

Also, if the mother of the bully was able to identify her own child, it means she’s aware of their bullying but isn’t doing anything about it? The hell I would appease her.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 13:28

Bullying isn’t ‘drama’. Yes there are two sides but usually children can call a bully. Rarely does a child call bullying when it isn’t happening.

I didn't say bullying was drama Confused

The FB group isn't there for parents to start causing drama with posts like that. Any accusations of bullying (whether direct or indirect) should be made directly to the school, not a Facebook group.

And as for.... Rarely does a child call bullying when it isn’t happening

Are you serious?? The word 'bully' is one of the most overused/wrongly used words in the playground because many kids don't really know what it means.

That's another reason the school should be approached, not Facebook.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 13:31

Actually this thread has made my point.

So many people have made up their minds that the child actually is a bully, just because someone in the FB group has said so.

I could say I'm a super model but that wouldn't automatically make it true, just because I typed it.

HarrySnotter · 28/12/2018 13:33

Rarely does a child call bullying when it isn’t happening.

Sorry @Redskyandrainbows67 but I'm afraid this just isn't true. It's a very overused word these days and really takes away from those poor kids who are being genuinely bullied. It's bandied around all the time in classrooms where it's not appropriate.

In my old school one girl pretty much convinced everyone she was being horribly bullied by another girl. Awful stuff, parents were involved, friends fell out etc. On reviewing CCTV on the bus to and from school, we could see that the 'bullied' child was deliberately and relentlessly making life hell for the poor kid she had accused of bullying her. When presented with this evidence her poor mum was mortified and this girl said she did it because she 'just didn't like her face'. Things are not always as they seem.

HarrySnotter · 28/12/2018 13:35

So many people have made up their minds that the child actually is a bully, just because someone in the FB group has said so.

Agree 100% @Worra. As soon as someone says that word everyone assumes it's true before finding out the facts.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 13:36

The other parent didn’t say her DD wasn’t doing those things, and she’d identified her through the post, so must be aware of something?

If the post said the other parent flat out denied it and was going to take it to the school, that’s a different thread entirely.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 13:37

Exactly Harry and that's why the school needs to deal with this.

For all we know the parent who posted it, could be a bully herself, trying to turn people against the other family.

These things need looking into properly and FB isn't the place for that.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 13:37

Fwiw I think it all needs to be taken to the school so they can get to the bottom of it, properly.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 13:39

The other parent didn’t say her DD wasn’t doing those things, and she’d identified her through the post, so must be aware of something?

Aware of something doesn't mean her child is automatically a bully though.

Perhaps the woman's repeated her accusation in the playground too, or perhaps she knows her child had a falling out with the other child, which again doesn't automatically make either of them bullies.

HarrySnotter · 28/12/2018 13:39

The other parent didn’t say her DD wasn’t doing those things, and she’d identified her through the post, so must be aware of something?

Not necessarily. I would in no way become involved in a 'he said, she said' conversation on a Facebook group. It's not a social media matter, it's for the school and parents to deal with in a mature and appropriate manner to ensure the best outcome. Parents mudslinging is never a good idea.

BarbaraRoyale · 28/12/2018 13:39

I would remove it , I can see why the mother did it though and it appears to have worked. What are the rules of the group?