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Original poster

Moderating a FB group - would you remove the post?

54 replies

Bookridden · 28/12/2018 12:58

I run a FB group for all y9 parents at DD's school. It's a friendly, helpful group with lots of posts and reminders. One parent, let's call her Clare, recently posted to say she was upset and angry that her DD was being bullied by another y9 girl. She did not name or in any way identify the alleged bully, but said she was fed up of the meanness and would be in touch with the school if this girl didn't stop. Other parents expressed sadness about this and agreed that any bullying is vile behaviour. The parent of the alleged bully has now asked for the post to be removed as she says her daughter is upset even though not identified. This is really a wwyd: remove the post or not?

OP posts:

MrMeSeeks · 28/12/2018 13:41

I’d keep it up.
Maybe the other girl will think about her behaviour

MrMeSeeks · 28/12/2018 13:41

I’d keep it up.
Maybe the other girl will think about her behaviour

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 13:41

Fair enough, it was the immediate defence of considering the alleged bully that irritated me, total projection on my part because I can empathise with a mother at her wits end because her child is being bullied and the bully turning on the tears and being “there there”-d.

Again, projection on my part, as I said in a later post, the whole lot needs to be taken to the school to look into and sort out.

HarrySnotter · 28/12/2018 13:42

Maybe the other girl will think about her behaviour

Again, you don't know that what has been claimed, is true.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 13:43

Again, you don't know that what has been claimed, is true.

No, nobody does. Equally, we don’t know it isn’t either.

HarrySnotter · 28/12/2018 13:44

No, nobody does. Equally, we don’t know it isn’t either.

Absolutely. Which is exactly why it should be dealt with in the correct way and not on social media.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 13:45

Which I’ve said. But the constant defence of one side and not the other is becoming wearing, and also part of why actual bullies do get away with it.

HarrySnotter · 28/12/2018 13:50

I would defend any child being bullied Christmas and unfortunately it's something I spend a lot of time doing because of my job. Part of that is finding out exactly what happens rather than going on what one person says. If you see my earlier post, when I first started teaching I was pretty convinced that this girl was being bullied only to find out that it was the other way round and that she was the bully. It's all about finding out the facts rather than inviting others to become involved via social media.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 13:53

I agree that it should be dealt with properly, and after reading your post I did in fact say that.

I do agree that school should sort it, but I also empathise with a mum at the end of her tether venting.

Bullying quite literally blew our lives apart, we had to move, DS1 was and is still gravely affected by it. And fuck all was done, so I’m nowhere near impartial and realise it.

I’m curious as to how the other mum recognised her child if she hasn’t been doing what was alleged though?

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 13:57

Which I’ve said. But the constant defence of one side and not the other is becoming wearing, and also part of why actual bullies do get away with it.

No-one is defending anyone here.

All we're saying is that simply typing something does not make it true, so it's unfair to put something like that in a FB group.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 14:00

Unfair to bully too. Rarely does it prompt the same reaction.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 14:00

I’m curious as to how the other mum recognised her child if she hasn’t been doing what was alleged though?

The girls don't get on?

The girls had a falling out?

The woman's own DD has told her mum she feels bullied by FB mum's DD?

FB mum made a comment in the playground that the other mum overheard?

There are many many reasons.

HarrySnotter · 28/12/2018 14:02

I’m curious as to how the other mum recognised her child if she hasn’t been doing what was alleged though?

Perhaps she knew that someone had been saying things about her child? We don't know I suppose.

Bullying is horrendous and it has impacted on my own life in a personal capacity when my own son was too scared to go to school so I would have sympathy for anyone dealing with it. I just really don't agree with using social media for this kind of accusation, I think it makes things worse for everyone, potentially for the child she is trying to protect too.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 14:02

Fair enough.

Hopefully the school gets to the bottom of it and sorts it out.

Bullying is rife, especially with social media thrown into the mix.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 14:05

I just really don't agree with using social media for this kind of accusation, I think it makes things worse for everyone, potentially for the child she is trying to protect too.

I agree with this, and also wouldn’t do it. But I can see how it came to this too, because rarely is bullying dealt with properly.

cowfacemonkey · 28/12/2018 14:11

I would take it down, it’s not the point of the group to have posts like that. I would imagine lots of parents are pm’ing to ask who it is.

Jux · 28/12/2018 14:26

How does the accused child's mum know it's her child accused of bullying?

How does the accused child herself know it's she who is being accused?

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 14:29

Jux if you scroll back, there's been a few possible reasons posted. I doubt even the OP knows for sure though.

SoupDragon · 28/12/2018 14:56

The word 'bully' is one of the most overused/wrongly used words in the playground because many kids don't really know what it means.

Many adults don't seem to know what it means either.

DGRossetti · 28/12/2018 14:58

Moderators on a closed group can be held liable for defamatory and abusive posts if they don't remove them when notified.

It's why MNHQ are so careful at times.

SoupDragon · 28/12/2018 15:00

How can a post be defamatory if it doesn't identify a person?

WhatwouldCJdo · 28/12/2018 15:01

I would remove it.
It could escalate in the group and a sorts of accusations etc being made.

It makes it harder for the school to deal with when FB gets going on things like this.

youarenotkiddingme · 28/12/2018 15:02

Totally agree the word bully is banded about too much nowadays with teens.

Totally agree bullying must be stopped as it has devastating long lasting effects.

Totally agree SM page is not the place to do it.

Too many times I've seen kids who are unkind to others get it back at times. However as they are gobshites and their parents (usually mums!) are happy to spout out on SM and behind a keyboard they end up being the bullied wounded party.

Some people are bullies. Some people are bullied.
Follow the schools policy to address it and reference it so you know you've done the right thing to get it resolved. It's more likely to have a positive outcome that way

DGRossetti · 28/12/2018 15:14

How can a post be defamatory if it doesn't identify a person?

If I were a moderator on a closed group, I might not want to find out.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 28/12/2018 17:44

It’s also not defamatory if it is true

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