Learning to drive and it's tough - moral support please!

[Lottapianos]

It's hard. One of the hardest things I've ever done. I had a load of lessons as a teen but just got back to it in October, now nearly 40. I know I'm not a total disaster. My awareness is good, my mirrors have got much better. I'm learning to drive in East London which is TOUGH, and I'm doing ok. Every lesson I learn more stuff and feel a tiny bit more confident

But I've been driving our car over the past few days- quiet roads, Christmas - and it's fucking scary. Silly mistakes like grinding gears, staying in 2nd gear too long. Parking still shit. My confidence is far from great. I've been losing sleep over the whole thing

So please, anyone who is learning or who passed in the last year or so, please share tips or commiserate or just share in how scary it all is! I know I will get there but it's bloody hard right now. X

I'm 41 and passed three years ago. I hear you!!!

It's super tough. I had quite bad anxiety as I learned (going 60 down the a-road and my arms went wobbly from under me several times!) but I passed first time, unexpectedly. Never say never, have faith, keep going. You can do it.

It's a slog: I remember being so terrified on my first lesson I shouted at my instructor (going 5mph down an empty private road!!) that we would crash and I couldn't do it- !!! He told me later he thought at that moment I had no chance, but we made it together, in the end (took me a year). I remember the emotional exhaustion after lessons.

At my test, I apologised initially to my examiner, as I talked my way through the test out loud to myself-that's how I drove- being well aware he must think I was a screw loose! Yet I passed.

All the best, I send you empathetic best wishes.

This time last year I made the decision that I was going to try to learn again (had about 20 lessons 12 years ago and got nowhere). So on New Years Eve I made it my NY resolution to learn to drive. I started in January (after I renewed my provisional) and took 2 lessons a week. I was awful at it. I just couldn't get the hang of things and nothing stuck. My instructor was lovely though, he kept telling me that I was nowhere near as bad as I thought and that I would be passed by summer.

I did my first test at the start of the summer and failed. He couldn't .believe it and told me to get in for it straight away as I was a good driver and would pass the next one. I failed again. And again. On the 5th try I finally passed (in October) but then had a few weeks before I had a car. Now I'm driving around on my own and still getting used to it but enjoying it so much more. I hated learning, I didn't enjoy lessons or feel the urge to get out on my own and even for weeks after passing I still didn't love it. I am beginning to enjoy it a little more now and venturing further.

Don't give up. It's hard work. REALLLLLLLY hard for some of us, but you will get there and it will be worth it.

Thank you both SO MUCH! Currently feeling like I will never ever get there, it's so great to hear from others who got through the terror and succeeded!

'as I talked my way through the test out loud to myself-that's how I drove'

I find this helpful too, and it can't be a bad thing on your test as it helps the examiner to know what you're thinking. I think!

You need to find the right instructor. I started learning at uni with someone who was horrible. I had a horrendous time and it put me off for a while. I then did an intensive course at 25 and cried when I said goodbye to my instructor after I passed my test first time.

Recently went back to driving after a really long absence. Was terrified to do so and had huge anxiety. But doing some refresher lessons with an instructor that was chilled out and helpful and getting out on little practice drives with someone with me did me the world of good. I've learnt to love it now. I learnt in manual but now drive automatic. Best decision I ever made and would recommend it to anybody if this is something that would work for you. Takes so much stress out of driving. I've a lot of friends in east London and it is BY FAR the worst area you'll ever drive round, so everywhere else will seem easier. You'll get there. Good luck!

Lotta there's truth in that - the right tutor is important. Mine was generally fair. Occasionally told slightly '1981' style jokes (not very PC), but I knew he was a good, solid, calm tutor who really wanted me to pass. He would occasionally say 'well that was a bit shit, wasnt it, never mind, we'll do better next time.' I was fond of him, however I wouldn't be friends in the real world. But he was a good instructor. Find someone who gives you that feeling.

Please don't give up. Do it your way- I talked my way through each manoeuvre aloud in the test.

It changes your life to drive- worth the pain.

What amazed me when I started to learn was everyone else's inability to see how terrifying it was to make this massive lump of metal move on the road!

It all gets slowly, slowly easier. I began by telling my kids to not speak at all just to let me focus to pull out of my close and drive around my little town, needing full focus. Now I chat, have the radio on, drive at night. It's happened bit by bit by bit, over time.

I learned years ago, OP, but that was also East London...and it was less crowded then!

instructor always said it was a good place to learn because other places would be easier driving - true then and possibly more so now.

I passed in my mid 30s after trying and abandoning lessons in my teens and again in my 20s.

It took shitloads of lessons to learn. I mean LOADS. I certainly wasn’t a natural. (Also learned in London).

I eventually passed on my third attempt, and even then I was nervous on the road for a good year afterwards and then had to get my confidence up on the motorway, so the whole thing was a long and nerve wracking process.

One of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but SO worth it. Not just the obvious practical benefits of driving, but the confidence it has given me has been amazing. I can Master something I found REALLY hard!

Keep going, just look at all the idiots on the road and tell yourself if they can do it, so can you!

It's 20 years since I learned/passed my test in my late 20s, and it's still the hardest thing I've ever learned. But I made myself do it, with many tears and tantrums, and it was so worth it. Just keep going and good luck

Maybe keep the fact you're doing your test to yourself OP? When it comes around. Takes the pressure off.

Thank you all. Yes, I'm keeping test date to myself. It's towards end of January. My instructor is fine - he's calm and tells me what I need to work on without it feeling like a bollocking if you know what I mean.

It's so encouraging to hear that other people found driving awfully tough but got there in the end. Today I was feeling like training for a marathon would be less daunting than trying to pass my driving test!

I passed this year, at the grand old age of 45! I think the rule of thumb is that you can expect it to take one lesson per year of life (or so my bloody mother keeps telling me!) so it will take longer for us older learners.
When I took my test, I said each step out loud of the tricky junctions, so the examiner could hear that I knew what I was doing and didn't miss me doing it!
My instructor made a huge difference and she was amazing, she never made an issue of my age and gave me much more confidence in my abilities. Lessons were fun and she never got impatient with me, which is so important I think.
Leading up to my test I did 3 hours of driving and at least 10 manoeuvres a day (an hour in the morning when I took my orders to the post office, and hour before the kids got back from school and an hour after the smallest were in bed). That's probably extreme, but it made a huge difference.
For the day of the test, I put antiperspirant on my hands to prevent slippery palms and also on my back because I was very nervous and consequently sweaty. It helped, especially since my test was in the middle of a heatwave.
I actually failed my first test (examiner was goading me and being really mean and I got flustered and did something I shouldn't) but I passed the second and now my entire life is better. I hope you get there soon, it's amazing!

Find an instructor who will push you and give you confidence. Admit what you are shit at. Accept that if you don't pass the first test it's no big deal. The longer you take, the more experience you have of driving in all weathers and new places.

I think I only really gained confidence when I realised that I had just parked the car without using a reference point. Had just lined it up intuitively and hadn't second guessed myself. However I cannot reverse into a bay to save my life am not that good at bay parking so I'm more careful cos I know I suck at it.

On my 4th test I panicked on a hill start, ground gears, panicked again, did a wheel spin, stalled and rolled backwards before restarting and catching the car with the clutch, having completely forgotten I possessed a handbrake. Or indeed a brake of any kind. Needless to say, test 4 was not the one.

I found it really difficult and I just didn't get it at all, I was being pushed into it by then boyfriend.

Eventually passed on 4th attempt

'stalled and rolled backwards before restarting and catching the car with the clutch, having completely forgotten I possessed a handbrake. Or indeed a brake of any kind. '

love you for this! I've definitely had those moments myself on lessons, where you think 'WTF am I doing?'

My DC1 is currently learning, having recently been diagnosed as dyspraxic. We've often wondered about their spectacular clumsiness and lack of sense of direction, but it was driving that triggered seeking diagnosis & help.

Driving is HARD!!! There are so many things that have to become part of the muscle memory. Practice, practice, practice. You will get there!

OP the good thing is once you learn to drive you will never forget. I learnt to drive when I was 16 (in NZ - very different system), I then lost my licence for about a year in my late teens following my epilepsy diagnosis and I still knew how to drive when I got my license back.

I failed my first test, it was an absolute disaster, in my parallel park (still shit at them) I parked practically in the middle of the road. Then at the roundabout I failed to indicate at all.

Keep going!

My instructor was in the back and laughed so hard she cried. Said at least it wasn't a petty thing I failed on, I did it good and proper.

So hard!!!
I failed 6 times in total, and I wanted to give up.
Only passed at 36
If I am having a shit day I say to myself "but you will never have to take a lesson ever again or do the test" and the day is instantly better

It helped me to change instructors and find a really great one for nervous drivers.

I feel your pain OP. Nothing harder.

And don't tell people if you are doing a test

I’m late 30s, was absolutely terrified and passed 1st time 6 weeks ago. I’m still terrified, but drive local routes I know well and am getting there.

Everything you describe was me as well OP, I still sometimes grind gears (I’m blaming the car )

You’ll get there, best of luck!

(Can I heartily recommend rescue remedy lozenges? I went into the car looking like a bloody hamster, whether it was a placebo or helped I’ve no idea. But psychologically it helped me)

Well I'm an old git and I genuinely admire you for learning in East London, I wouldn't have fancied it. Anyway, just wanted to say that feeling that you've lost it after seeming to make progress is, well, just natural isn't it? Certainly happened to me, why am I rolling back, oh shit, handbrake.Good days, bad days, but the curve is ever upward so to speak. Good luck!

'If I am having a shit day I say to myself "but you will never have to take a lesson ever again or do the test" and the day is instantly better'

Oh my god, this will be me too! I honestly feel like nothing will ever be harder than this. I had a lesson today and it went well, but I feel my instructor needs to give me a lot more encouragement. I am more than happy to hear what I need to work on, but my confidence is poor and I need all the praise I can get! I really feel like it's too late to change instructors but I will be having a word at my next lesson

Thank you all SO MUCH, you're helping me more than I can say

I learnt in East London too. It's bloody gruelling!
Failed my first test but passed second time at 38 weeks pregnant. With pregnancy brain fog. Honestly expected to fail again.
You can so do this. Go you