Learning to drive and it's tough - moral support please!

[Lottapianos]

It's hard. One of the hardest things I've ever done. I had a load of lessons as a teen but just got back to it in October, now nearly 40. I know I'm not a total disaster. My awareness is good, my mirrors have got much better. I'm learning to drive in East London which is TOUGH, and I'm doing ok. Every lesson I learn more stuff and feel a tiny bit more confident

But I've been driving our car over the past few days- quiet roads, Christmas - and it's fucking scary. Silly mistakes like grinding gears, staying in 2nd gear too long. Parking still shit. My confidence is far from great. I've been losing sleep over the whole thing

So please, anyone who is learning or who passed in the last year or so, please share tips or commiserate or just share in how scary it all is! I know I will get there but it's bloody hard right now. X

Thanks Blibby

Oh blame, have a big hug. It's shit when your confidence takes a knock. I was thinking seriously about packing it all in a few days ago too but I'm feeling much better about it now. Keep at it - do short drives on routes that you know well to get your confidence up, even 10 minutes at a time if that feels like enough. And try not to over think things if it makes sense- stay alert but trust in your skills rather than concentrating too much on every little move. It will get better, honestly

I first sat my exam in the US when I was 18 or so. Failed the first time, passed the second.

I then had to resit in the UK when I was round about 30. I resat in a manual (what a waste that was as I’ve only ever driven an automatic since and 20 years on now wouldn’t know where to start with a manual!).

I also failed the first time but passed the second. Despite having driven for over a decade, it was difficult to get the hang of gears. I second the advice of talking your way through the exam. I did this and the examiner was lovely. We were out on country roads and he’d be chatting to me about driving in America and I’d cut him off to monologue what I had to do. It really helped me focus.

Good luck!

Well it all seems to be coming together! I had my best lesson so far, including a mock test that I passed with 10 minors absolutely chuffed. Feeling so much more confident and competent. Still lots to learn but I'm noticing that stuff that used to terrify me (like 3rd gear!) now feels so much more comfortable. Thank you all SO MUCH for your support, I honestly would not have made it this far without you

Well done!

Today I showed DC1 how to refuel. Only one impatient idiot in a vast people carrier who nearly shoved us off the road!

I'm learning and will be 40 later on this year. I've taken two tests and failed (first test one serious, 3 minors but all for the same thing), second test I failed with 2 serious and 3 minors and that last test actually really knocked my confidence. I'm starting again with lessons this weeks after a six week break (I haven't driven our car either in that time) but am feeling really apathetic about it after being so excited to finally learn. I am learning to drive in a small city, don't think I could cope with driving in London!

Well done, OP

I passed my test first time at 40, 4 years ago. I was so happy to pass first time, especially as someone told me ‘no one passes first time anymore, treat it as a practice test for next time’

I learnt to drive in East London and then moved half way through my lessons to West London (Notting Hill area) which was equally as hairy

However, I didnt drive again until a month ago! I now live rurally so different challenges to overcome, but I absolutely love driving now My licence is manual but my car is automatic and it’s so much better for me, I can concentrate on the road instead of concerning myself with biting points and hill starts, etc.

Learning to drive in London will give you a great foundation. I drive on motorways and to my surprise, I’m happy to drive in the fast lane, I thought I would be too nervous to leave the slow lane. I feel that passing my test was the beginning of me learning to drive, I’m still very new to this but I feel that every journey I take I’m getting more and more capable and competent.

It was so worth all the blood, sweat and tears! Good luck, OP!

'I feel that passing my test was the beginning of me learning to drive'

That's what everyone says and it makes a lot of sense. I don't know if it will be easier or harder driving on my own - DP is rather a nervous passenger!

Just plod: lesson after lesson after lesson until you're ready.
I gave up lessons in my 20s and restarted in my late 30s. I did a multitude of lessons and then passed first time then after passing it took a few months for it to become natural.
In

Hi all, thought I would post an update. I have been driving our car every weekend and feeling much steadier and more confident. Then I had a lesson today, including another mock test which was pretty much a disaster. Went as wrong as I possibly could have at a roundabout without actually hitting anyone! Hesitated way too long at another smaller roundabout. I find it so flipping hard to judge when it's safe to pull out

I'm really dissatisfied with my instructor. He focuses way too much on the negatives. I had to ask him straight out if there were any positives at all from today (I knew there were plenty but I need to hear it from him). I feel like he doesn't listen to me and doesn't do my confidence any good. I have one more lesson and then my test in 2 weeks. I've decided that if I fail, I'm booking with a different instructor. I would love to be pass and be done with it all, and move on to the next phase of really learning how to drive! Will see though.....

I didn't learn to drive until I was in my thirties, I was 33 when I passed my test on the fifth attempt. I had regular lessons until I took my first test & by then had bought my own car. My dad took me out every weekend to practice, we went out in all weather conditions, my mum let me take her shopping so I learnt how to manage in multi storey car parks & park in a bay. I worked in the town centre & my dad would often drive my car to work so I could drive home during the rush hour, he taught me how to refill the windscreen washer, how to recognise if there was a problem with my car, what all the warning lights were for & how to look after my car. Learning to drive once you know the basics just takes practice, the more you drive, the more confident you will become. You carry on learning once you have passed your test & can drive alone.

I took ages to pass and SEVEN tests . But I was determined so just kept plodding on.

I have been driving about ten years now. I am still awful at parking but just park miles away if I need to.

The key is getting an instructor you like. The first one I had was a very shrill hysterical woman who made me feel very nervous. Then I got some stoner layabout guy who admitted to me he was only an instructor because it meant he didn't have to get up early.

He was so relaxed he was horizontal and didn't really care when I messed up. As a result I felt much calmer.

Stoner instructor sounds.... um.... interesting my instructor is calm but we really don't click and I don't think he gives me nearly enough positive feedback. I give a lot of feedback and do a lot of mentoring through my job and i really dont rate his approach.

I have read stories on here about shouty instructors and I really don't know why they think that's a useful or appropriate thing to do

Non stop anxiety dreams and waking up in a cold sweat about roundabouts last night I was off work yesterday and I'm actually looking forward to going back today because it will occupy my mind with something else. I think I need a big cry about it all later!

@Lottapianos I passed in October after learning to drive on and off for 13 years. I passed my theory test 3 times first try since the 2yr on it kept expiring & I had to renew my provisional once also. In the end I passed after a year of weekly lessons, sometimes more than an hour and that's in an automatic, i roughly had 100 lessons, I genuinely lost track!

I'm useless!

I didn't understand roundabouts either and that was the week of my test! My instructor looked shell shocked when i came back and showed her my pass certificate

What helped me enormously was 'world driving' tutorials on YouTube, there is a 20 minute roundabout clip and it shows you how to judge your gap from the other cars positioning of their wheels etc so your not solely relying on indicators.

I think it was only after watching that and rewinding the clips back over an over (bare in mind this was after I somehow passed my test) did I grasp a roundabout properly!

Search it, I'm certain it will help.

He also has good parking tutorials and meeting traffic tutorials etc, he's the best one on YouTube I've found.

I still don't like driving and do avoid it when possible, I'll happily go 3 or 4 days with out using my car which is ridiculous! but yesterday my son had an accident needing a&e and I had to drive him, no other option. so I jumped in the car without really a second thought and drove the 20 mins when it was v busy. I can do it, I just talk myself out of getting in it.

Id now rather go a route over two busy roundabouts than the other way which is small streets that can only fit one car as I hate the meeting traffic situations.

So now I'm working on that!

Good luck

Danni, thanks so much for the tip! That clip sounds like exactly what I need. My instructor is pretty useless when I ask him how (the blue fuck!) I'm supposed to judge stuff like when it's safe to go at roundabouts. I can do it sometimes, but other times i get mesmerized by the oncoming traffic and don't have a clue when to go. Will watch that clip later. I've also been watching Ashley Neal, he's a driving instructor on YouTube who is very cool and calm and gives good tips. I'm pretty sure I have the wrong instructor but too late now. Test next week

Definitely change instructor if you don't pass (fingers crossed it doesn't come to this!). I've had 30 odd lessons and it's been a struggle, if it wasn't for my instructor I'd have given up. Everyone told me it will just click one day which I didn't believe but my last 2 lessons have been pretty successful. I have terrible judgement so my routines are all out of place I leave everything too late. Checking my mirrors I've also been struggling with but got a check for my past two lessons for this (first time I've not had a cross). It's really frustrating but I'm hoping to pass before May. My instructor is booking my test for me and not telling me until the day because I will get myself too worked up. Good luck for your test I'll be keeping an eye on this thread to give me some hope.

It's great that you're topping up your learning online but a shame that your instructor can't seem to help you more. I had a kind and calm instructor who imo was too confident in me, and pushed me to do my test sooner than I'd have liked. Learning to drive is SO hard and when I started I couldn't believe that so many 17/18 year olds can drive! When my dopey 17yo cousin passed first time I thought 'right that's enough I'm doing this!'.
Best of luck for next week!

Thanks Pivot and Slim. Slim, I laughed at your dopey cousin! I also think of people i know and think 'dear god, if he / she can do it, I definitely can!'

People who learned as teenagers have no idea what it's like to learn in your 30s or later. They just look at me blankly when I talk about anxiety dreams and crying. Either because they learned so long ago that they have forgotten what it was like to be terrified, or because it's a million times easier to learn as a youngster

Hi all, I have my test this week and I'm back and forth between being fairly laid back and 'whaddayagonnado?', and crying and low level panicking. I drove my usual practice route with DP today and it was ok. I have a lesson tomorrow, my last one before test day, and I need to practice the hell out of roundabouts, dual carriageways and lane changing. Will report back....

I did 8 tests over 14 years of on and off learning and finally passed in August on my first try this time round (5 year break)

The most helpful thing I found was using every stop to take a deep breath and ground myself.
When they say move off when you're ready, don't just go for it, take a moment.

Yay only, good work! That's good advice, thanks

Well I had my test today and I passed! Only a few minor faults. Ridiculously relieved and very proud of myself. This thread has been so incredibly helpful to me so thank you to every person who took the time to post xxx

Well done Lotta! That's great news.

@Lottapianos I was thinking about you last night actually ! Wondering when it was!

So pleased well done

Yay Lotta! You will never look back and it will give you so much freedom. Make sure you do your first solo drive soon, don’t leave it and second guess yourself like I did. Huge congratulations you must be very proud of yourself.