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Original poster

Childcare dilemma

131 replies

badreams · 27/12/2018 20:46

I'm hoping to return to work from mat leave in April. DS will be 9 months. I am hoping to do two days a week. DM would like to have DS one of those days and I'm looking into options for the second day.

Can't find any childminders who have availability and have been looking into nurseries too. My issues are that I don't drive and not sure how to get my DS to either child minder or nursery and then get myself to work and same for picking him up after. I've been looking at costs of taxis and searching bus routes but neither would work very well.

I wondered about a nanny but after looking into it I can't afford it.

I really want to be able to return to work but I'm not really sure what to do

OP posts:
schopenhauer · 27/12/2018 21:40

Leaving ds aside how are you going to get to work?!?

How long is the walk?

Ilove · 27/12/2018 21:41

You really need to get yourself onto the road again. Have a couple of refresher lessons

GemmeFatale · 27/12/2018 21:44

So you are moving to a house significantly less convenient for you but that changes nothing for your DP.

Your DP is entitled to ask for flexible working on the nursery day(s) but won’t as that will inconvenience him; although apparently it doesn’t matter a jot that there is literally no way for you to juggle this.

It would be better for you and the baby for you to go back to work for more than two days a week. Again your partner could facilitate this but doesn’t want to.

Your mum is making more effort to partner you in parenting this child and supporting you. Why are you putting up with that?

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Childcare & nursery Families
TulipsInbloom1 · 27/12/2018 21:46

Is there anywhere on dhs route to work he can drop you and ds to do nursery drop/more convenient bus to work?

Original poster
badreams · 27/12/2018 21:46

DP earns so much more than me so financially for our family it makes more sense to prioritise his work over mine iyswim.

OP posts:
Original poster
badreams · 27/12/2018 21:47

Also even if we weren't moving it would still be a struggle to get to work and get DS to nursery from our current house. New house doesn't really change that. I just got lucky before that a colleague was willing to give me a lift

OP posts:
Original poster
badreams · 27/12/2018 21:48

Am going to look into nurseries near dp work see if that could work

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 27/12/2018 21:54

P earns so much more than me so financially for our family it makes more sense to prioritise his work over mine iyswim.

No, it makes sense for him. You aren't married? So you are in a very risky situation here sacrificing yourself and your future. It's one day for him to do, he should bloody well get on and do it.

But yes, you need to practice driving.

Hohocabbage · 27/12/2018 22:00

Before you had the baby, what plans did you and your dh have for your return to work? It just seems to have taken you by surprise. You might find it easier to get a childminder if you stay at home till the baby’s 1, as I’m pretty sure (someone correct me if I’m wrong) that the ratios for Childminder’s are better after one year than for a baby. You day you need to prioritise his career but you also say his job doesn’t bring in enough money, so some prioritising of your career is required too as the family rely on it.

OrdinarySnowflake · 27/12/2018 22:05

OP - relying on a colleage for lifts is not a long term plan. What if they are sick? Resign? Just don't want to take you anymore?

It sounds like you could cope at the new house without driving, but only if you don't want to work at your current location, which does need access to a car to get to/from.

Book some lessons while you are on mat leave, would your Mum have DC while you practice? Then work out as a family how you afford a car. Or would looking for a new job (that you can get to/from from your new house) be an option?

Don't give up work if you aren't married.

Loopytiles · 27/12/2018 22:10

It will only work for you “as a family” for as long as you are together. Should you split up, which around half of couples do, it’ll be YOUR earnings and ability to earn that will matter.

pinkhorse · 27/12/2018 22:23

There are no nurseries near me that would take a child in for one day a week.

BinaryStar · 27/12/2018 22:30

“DP earns so much more than me so financially for our family it makes more sense to prioritise his work over mine iyswim

OP if you review the relationship boards you will see hoardes of women who though this. Then their relationship broke down for reasons they never foresaw and as they’d made all the sacrifices the differential had grown and grown. You’re not married and so if you split would be entitled to nothing more than child maintenance. Please think very carefully about allowing your career to take a back seat.

Fairylightfurore · 27/12/2018 22:39

Nurseries won't be keen on one day a week, if that's your budget you need a childminder. Can you get on waiting list and would DM help out with an extra day until a space is available?

Stoneagemum · 27/12/2018 22:55

Ok time to look at this differently, time to find work and childcare that is accessible for you not driving, you can't afford not to as 'dp' is no bloody partner if he can't take his share of the childcare, as at some point you will need this independence as he is not a partner in this relationship

OrdinarySnowflake · 28/12/2018 16:46

Actually, to be fair to the Ops DP, he did sat he'd do pick up from childcare, but starts work at 7:30, so childcare from before that is going to be tricky. When I went back to work after having dc1, DH couldn't do drop off but could do pick up, that was pulling his weight.

However, the bigger issue is the op can't get her child to childcare, not because of timings, but because she is choosing to move somewhere that doesn't have transport links and won't drive (Even though she can).

Op, if you are determined to do that house move and go back to that job, then you need to drive. That's it really. (And if you are dropping off and picking up in different cars, many nurseries and childminders will happily let you leave the car seat during the day so you don't need to buy 2). Can you start practicing again?

Also worth noting that most nurseries around here will allow 1 full day, it's a minimum 2 sessions, and a morning and afternoon would count.

4point2fleet · 28/12/2018 17:02

I agree will PP who have said that the solution to this is addressing your anxiety around driving.

Yes, having a second car will incur a cost, but it will give you so many more options. Long term it will be hugely beneficial to both you and your DC.

You can conquer your driving anxiety. Book some lessons, get out and practice daily in DPs car. By April you can have yourself much more confident.

Redken24 · 28/12/2018 17:05

Try a child minder or work a Saturday(oh day off?)

LisaSimpsonsbff · 28/12/2018 17:19

And current house is only 5-10 minutes away from my work, by car so didn't think it would be a problem but as I said I got a lift in to work before but can't ask colleague to come back on himself to get me

I don't understand this bit - leaving aside nursery, what was the plan for how you'd get to work from the new house if you couldn't still get a lift? It's irrelevant how far it is by car if you don't drive!

HotInWinter · 28/12/2018 17:23

I'd say getting childcare before 7.30 will be harder than finding somewhere that will do one day a week.
Have your work actually agreed to you working 2 days a week?

Can you cycle the home-nursery-work route? If you got yourself driving confidently, could DH use public transport one day a week, and you use the family car that day?

Original poster
badreams · 28/12/2018 18:48

Thanks for all replies. I would have the same trouble even if we didn't move house. It's my work that isn't on a bus route - not my house or the new house. Both houses have bus links. It's my job that doesn't.

Had a meeting with employer today who is happy to let me return two days. I have found a nursery today near my work so that makes things easier. Also my employer said not to worry about how I would get DS to nursery and get myself to work

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 28/12/2018 18:52

Maybe getting to the bottom of your driving anxiety would help OP. You were good enough to pass a test so I second some refresher lessons. The

Bumblebee39 · 28/12/2018 18:57

Loads of people manage work and a nursery run alongside not driving
Never been an issue for me (although DCs had to do slightly longer hours than if I drove)

xyzandabc · 28/12/2018 19:04

Also my employer said not to worry about how I would get DS to nursery and get myself to work

Eh? Why on earth not? Is your employer going to magically sort out transport for you to get DC to nursery then you to work? Of course you need to worry about it.

Great they have agreed to 2 days as you wanted but that still leaves the problem of your work ( and I assume nursery, as it's
early work) not being on a public transport route and you not driving.

xyzandabc · 28/12/2018 19:05

*near work! Not early work.

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