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Original poster

Childcare dilemma

131 replies

badreams · 27/12/2018 20:46

I'm hoping to return to work from mat leave in April. DS will be 9 months. I am hoping to do two days a week. DM would like to have DS one of those days and I'm looking into options for the second day.

Can't find any childminders who have availability and have been looking into nurseries too. My issues are that I don't drive and not sure how to get my DS to either child minder or nursery and then get myself to work and same for picking him up after. I've been looking at costs of taxis and searching bus routes but neither would work very well.

I wondered about a nanny but after looking into it I can't afford it.

I really want to be able to return to work but I'm not really sure what to do

OP posts:
Fatted · 27/12/2018 21:05

Why can't DH just do drop off and pick up for the sake of one day? Really not seeing the issue here?

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 27/12/2018 21:05

Dh did drop off and pick up two days that I worked, in return he didn't need any time off if baby was sick on days I didn't work. To be honest, the first few years you don't work for the money (unless on high wage), you work to keep your foot in the door and your sanity!

Original poster
badreams · 27/12/2018 21:07

I did consider being a SAHP but money would be very tight and hate the idea of only being reliant on DP for money. Also even if I stay at home id want to return to work when DS is at primary so seems best to remain in work for the experience and not lose 4 years of employment on the CV. My boss wants me to return and am going into chat with him soon but he's already said he'd happy to let me do part time just gotta figure out the logistics. Will ask DP if he could speak to his emoyer to be able to take DS to nursery and pick up on that one day

OP posts:

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NerrSnerr · 27/12/2018 21:08

There's a lot of 'I' in your posts. It's a joint responsibility, getting your child to childcare, paying for transport (including a car) and paying for childcare.

Personally I think you should get some refresher driving lessons and get comfortable driving. I hated driving, I cried every time I drove for about 6 months but it got better and now I'm not nervous at all. It takes a lot of practice. Now my children are older (4 and 2) driving is very useful. Trips to OOHs on a Sunday evening, parties all seem to be in village halls on a Sunday so few busses, activities tc.

Original poster
badreams · 27/12/2018 21:09

We aren't moving remote. We live in a town and are moving to a different part of the same town

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 27/12/2018 21:10

Why aren’t you moving somewhere move convenient to work and a nursery?

Stoneagemum · 27/12/2018 21:10

Can you work 3 shorter days so you have more time to do the drop offs and pick ups by foot or public transport?

Iloveacurry · 27/12/2018 21:11

You may get a nursery 1 day a week. My daughter used to go to a Busybee nursery 1 day a week.

SilverySurfer · 27/12/2018 21:12

Becoming a good driver doesn't happen magically - you need practice, lots of it. Would your DH take you out driving regularly until you felt confident? No idea what else to suggest, especially if you are moving even further away from work. How are you going to commute?

schopenhauer · 27/12/2018 21:16

Agree that you definitely should go back to work as you’re not married. Your dp could make a flexible working request. However you need to work out how your going to get to work really if there aren’t buses near your new place that’s going to be pretty impossible if you can’t drive. How about some extra lessons? Cycling isn’t a great option if you also have a dc with you. Preseumably there are no trains or trams. Driving is so much easier when you have dc.

Only other thing I can think of is moving closer to work, seems strange to move somewhere when you can’t actually get to work!

Original poster
badreams · 27/12/2018 21:17

Just asked DP. He didn't seem keen on idea. Said he could pick him up but said dropping him at nursery would be hard and he'd get stuck at that time in all school traffic and would take him twice as long to get to work. Said he could at least ask his employer but if they dock his pay for the time then we'd be worse of financially than me finding a way to do drop off

OP posts:
user1484247439 · 27/12/2018 21:17

I couldn't find a nursery that would only take a baby for 1 day a week it was all two minimum, most had very long waiting lists as well and spaces only seemed to free up when their existing babies were 2 and went up into the room for toddlers. I'd look into finding a nursery asap and get baby onto a waiting list. And like a p.p said unless we know where you live and work no one can really advise you how to get where you need to be.

Original poster
badreams · 27/12/2018 21:20

New house is only five minutes away from my current house by car! And current house is only 5-10 minutes away from my work, by car so didn't think it would be a problem but as I said I got a lift in to work before but can't ask colleague to come back on himself to get me or to take my DS to nursery. There are buses near my house but not particularly close to my work or the nursery

OP posts:
spinn · 27/12/2018 21:21

Could you start later and work late giving you time to get around and then have dh collect ds on his way home?
I'd also consider if 2 days a week work will work for your role and whether you'd be better doing 2.5 or 3 - finances would help and more options for childcare if looking for 2 days a week.

Is there any childcare near dhs work place he could drop off at his start time?

Loopytiles · 27/12/2018 21:22

You’re not married? Working FT would be sensible unless you’re a high earner and have financial assets, 2 days doesn’t seem enough to maintain your career, medium to long term earnings and build up a pension.

Driving seems essential. Avoiding things often makes anxiety worse. I have anxiety problems, including about driving, and had refresher lessons and started driving again during mat leave for similar reasons. It’s achieveable.

Your DP became a parent too and - especially as you’re not married -should be making compromises in his working life.

TulipsInbloom1 · 27/12/2018 21:22

Some nurseries open at 7.30am. What time does your dp currently leave for work?

OrdinarySnowflake · 27/12/2018 21:23

OP - your problem isn't the nursery/childminder - the problem is you are moving to a location you can't get to work on public transport or walking, but don't drive.

Does your DP understand many nurseries will allow 7:30/8am drop offs, so if he's dropped at that time - particularly if it's a nursery/childminder near his office - then he will be before a lot of the school traffic anyway.

Otherwise, I'd go on your councils website and see if you can find any childminder within walking distance from your house, call and see if they will do early drop offs, so allow you to drop off before going to work. (Many will do 7:30am drop off if you ask, even if they advertise from 8)

The issue still is how you will get to work after that. Do you have to move to this location you can't get to work from? If you don't/won't drive, access to good public transport is a must!

Original poster
badreams · 27/12/2018 21:27

DP leaves for work at 6:45am

OP posts:
OrdinarySnowflake · 27/12/2018 21:29

what time does he start work and is there a nursery near his office? If he could drop off on his way in to work, that would solve half your problem.

Long term though, relying on lifts is a bit of a tricky one.

Original poster
badreams · 27/12/2018 21:30

Originally said about doing two days at work rather than three because we would be no better off financially if i did three

OP posts:
Original poster
badreams · 27/12/2018 21:31

He starts work at 7:30 and I haven't looked into nurseries near his work yet

OP posts:
pastabest · 27/12/2018 21:32

What happens if you don't fancy getting stuck in school traffic either!? Will you toss a coin or is DPs convenience more important than yours?

Given you have given up your body and your life for the best part of two years perhaps it's time he made a sacrifice or two?

OrdinarySnowflake · 27/12/2018 21:34

ok look at nurseries/childminders near his work and childminders walking distance from your house that you can push the baby in the buggy to, then on to work, however you are going to make that happen.

However, you do need to have a chat with your DP about this house move, and how you will get to work, or if long term, moving to that house means you either have to start driving again, find a new job that's accessable on public transport or give up work.

HighsandLows77 · 27/12/2018 21:35

OP still put your name down for the childminders as if they don’t have availability now they may do by April as that’s 4 months away.

HighsandLows77 · 27/12/2018 21:37

You may just have justo choose a nursery that closest to the bus route and use a pushchair for the rest of the way.
I don’t think you should give up work for the sake of 1 day.

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