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Original poster

Should cot cards be gender neutral or dont you mind pink and blue?

208 replies

EachandEveryone · 27/12/2018 12:06

Thats it really. We need to order a load more and theres no point wasting the NHS money. I just wondered if we had moved on from pink and blue as i notice a lot more babies are being dressed in neutral colours. Or, does it not bother you?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2018 18:10

@sleepingstandingup
What makes you think I m a new mum!
Well if youre in hospital with your new born you're a new Mum to that child, which is what I meant. Otherwise I'd have said first time mum, which is what you're assuming I meant

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2018 18:11

What wrong with Me wanting a blue card for my son?! more jealous that when your son was born you had the capacity to care what colour a bit of card was

tubspreciousthings · 27/12/2018 18:18

We were in the same boat @SleepingStandingUp although there were a few NICU/scbu parents who would make a fuss, despite their baby being poorly - it must be grasping at something they can control when there is so much that they can't (no matter how trivial & inconsequential)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Sparklingbrook · 27/12/2018 18:23

It was 19 and 17 years ago now, but I honestly couldn't tell you what colour the cot cards were and it would take an extensive search of the loft to find out.

That's how much it mattered to me.

myrtleWilson · 27/12/2018 18:23

Poor OP - if I were you I'd be asking for the thread to be deleted on the grounds that it has been a waste of time Grin. Fwiw I'd go with white/cream cards...

Having checked photographic records I dressed my DD in an all in one with little farm yard animals on it... So I think it was quite clear to all visitors she was neither girl nor boy but possibly piglet or cartoon cow. Am sure everyone left relieved at my clear sightedness.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2018 18:23

tubspreciousthings I can see that I guess

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2018 18:24

And I hope things are OK for you now

tubspreciousthings · 27/12/2018 18:28

@SleepingStandingUp - yes thank you, although it was a long haul. I hope things are ok for you too.

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 27/12/2018 18:30

Jazzhan please don't air any of your views in real life! Keep to MN where you can remain anonymous. You will be embarrassed in a few years time if you ever read back the bollocks you have written here. In fact it's frightening in a way that a parent can be so ill-informed and not understand the words they using nor the point of the op.
White cards are perfect, maybe embossed with a teddy?

LokiDokiArtichoki · 27/12/2018 18:34

I worked on a Labour ward. I found it easier and more personal to be able to ask ‘how is he/she’ today and the only way I knew was because of the blue or pink cot card. I’ve delivered babies and the sex doesn’t really register as it’s not the important part, so it’s handy to have these as a clue.

I’m a feminist and very gender critical but I respect other people’s decisions and won’t judge a mother whose baby is top to toe in pink bows or a ‘handsome little dude’ Babygrow, or someone who decides to refer to their baby as ‘they’. That’s not part of my job.

slashlover · 27/12/2018 18:48

If I brought my child up not knowing what sex they were, could I blame them, for eh, not knowing what sex they were?

They know every time they go to the toilet.

I can still remember being told that I couldn't get the Lego Technic I wanted because it was a 'boys toy'. Gender neutral means there are no 'boys toys' or 'girls toys'.

Original poster
EachandEveryone · 27/12/2018 18:49

Thanks to you lot ive eaten a box of Bendicks mints and drank two pots of tea. It really was just a simple question.

I better not ask the one about do you like being called mummy on the ward or should staff make the effort to call you by your first name?

OP posts:
Montsti · 27/12/2018 19:00

I like pink and blue but in the grand scheme of things, it wouldn’t really matter to me..

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2018 19:14

I better not ask the one about do you like being called mummy on the ward or should staff make the effort to call you by your first name? there was a thread. People either don't care or prefer names. Most prefer names. No one wants to be called Mummy but some just accept it.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2018 19:16

OP whatever is cheapest and easiest for the overstretched nurses imo. And I don't care what you call me although being called Mommy by a mid 50's yo woman is weird... The male nurses tended not to do it as much as the female nurses. It's also so universal, my community Nurse does it 3 years in, I actually used to answer the phone "hello, BabyStandings Mom" because we had so many ssuport agencies who did it

NottonightJosepheen · 27/12/2018 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LarkDescending · 27/12/2018 19:54

What utterly bizarre responses from some posters to a simple question about ordering cardstock!

OP for what it’s worth I was going to say order white, as it will work for everyone (F/M/intersex), but having read the thread it may be worth keeping a small stock of pink and blue for the (hopefully small) number of parents who fear their children will be given lifelong identity issues if a white card is displayed in their vicinity.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 27/12/2018 20:00

I was never bothered by being referred to as 'mum' by HCP at baby related appointments

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/12/2018 20:03

I like pink and blue.... I feel it’s more personal and I don’t mind being called Mum, again it’s more Personal and I’d prefer it to Ms xxxxxx

OhTheRoses · 27/12/2018 20:39

If the consultant is addressed by first name , my first name may be used.
If the consultant is afforded the courtesy of an honorific title, I expect to be called Mrs Roses.
My children call me mummy. A human to whom I have not given birth may not. At the very least I am Jack or Jane's mummy. Mrs Roses to HCP's; possibly OhThe if they have the good manners to ask if they may: never if they don't. Unless they call my consultant Fred, Dave or Julian.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/12/2018 20:59

waves at OP

Hello.

If you are still reading. Someone a few pages back made a really important point which I will paraphrase

the cot card might be one of 2-3 pieces of memorabilia that a parent has left of their child

So... given most people associate blue for boys or pink for girls you should probably do that.

I am gender critical but also realistic enough to know most people do the blue/ pink thing

All those saying that they didn't have time to register the colour of the cards, presumably you took your babies home, moved on. If you didn't, and were left with just a card, a memory photo taken by bereavement MW, and an id tag you would get very familiar with that card, I imagine.

Also to the people who asked do hcp need to know the baby's sex at a glance, erm yes, boys' and girls' growth charts are different so plotting them correctly requires knowing the sex.

AssassinatedBeauty · 27/12/2018 21:02

I'd hope they'd actually look at the baby's notes if actually filling information out in them, which should be more than enough to spot the child's sex.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/12/2018 21:05

Oh and I am not a bereaved mother. I took my twins home and they are sleeping upstairs in their cots.

But when they were in NICU there was a tiny baby boy born at 25w. He was being moved to the palliative care team. Somewhere in the city where I live, his parents are sitting tonight with no sleeping baby upstairs. Maybe with only a cot card and a few other things.

If giving them a blue card makes it feel a bit more personal, Jesus, give them a blue card.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/12/2018 21:07

Assassinated

Yeah, they don't. My twins' dob was wrong on their paperwork, endless faff to change (they'd recorded the date I was admitted to hosp not the date I gave birth). Constantly asked which was the boy etc.

They are so understaffed and overworked, they make mistakes, so if it makes it easier.... shrug

AssassinatedBeauty · 27/12/2018 21:07

You have no idea if that's the case though. It's an assumption. They might find it something that they don't like at all, and in fact depersonalises it due to relying on stereotypes.