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Original poster

Anyone up? I need a handhold, a hug or a bullet

69 replies

Stargate456123 · 24/12/2018 05:01

I made a thread a little while back about my ds and his horrendous sleep. Tonight has reached crisis point, j feel done and everything has gone to shit. Merry fucking Christmas Sad

It's nearly 5am, I've been up with ds since 1.30am. He's kicked off because I can't (and didn't want to) get into bed with him. I can't because he asked his sister for a "sleepover" so both of them are or should be his bed and I'm not dragging her out of bed at that time to appease this bullshit. I won't because my relationship is in tatters, months of sleeping in seperate beds and arguing over how to deal with this.

Today I'm broken. OH is taking his daughter back to her mum's when the time is reasonable and has said he'll probably stay away the night. Nice. I've cancelled my parents coming down today too, I can't think of anything I'd rather do less than play happy fucking families.

I feel done. I'm not going to be putting any presents out for ds, Christmas is officially cancelled. Everything is fucked.

OP posts:
NooNooHead · 24/12/2018 05:04

Oh OP, I’m sorry. Flowers How old is DS?

H1dingInSight · 24/12/2018 05:05

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time.

How old is DS?
Is he NT?
I’m assuming you’ve tried all the obvious fixes, applying each without variation for at least two weeks (not giving up after a couple of days)?
Have you had a medical referral?
Have you tried a sleep consultant?

snitzelvoncrumb · 24/12/2018 05:05

Hugs. You will feel better later. How old is your ds? Is he refusing to sleep in his own bed?

AnotherOriginalUsername · 24/12/2018 05:06

I feel your pain, Ive been up since the same time but my son is 3 weeks old so I can forgive him even if he does seem to think it's party time. I'm delighted that he's so alert and developing well but there's daytime hours for that!

Can you take your son into your bed, or bed down on the sofa with him for a few hours? He'll need some sleep (and so will you) or he'll be even more tired and difficult tomorrow (today?)

hiddeneverythin · 24/12/2018 05:08

What age is he? I've been up for over an hour so far. Things always seem so much worse in the middle of the night

BusterGonad · 24/12/2018 05:08

I have no words to help, but things WILL get better one day! They really will. My 10 year old still sleeps in our bed but he won't FOREVER! Do what you need to do to get sleep! X

laundryelf · 24/12/2018 05:11

Sorry I haven't seen your other post, have a big hug and a hand to hold. Sometimes parenting is just so much to handle.

Original poster
Stargate456123 · 24/12/2018 05:11

Ds is nearly 7. We had all sorts of "help" in the early years but always ended up getting fobbed off.
He's NT but has been displaying awful behaviours both at home and at school of late. I've been researching a lot lately and his behaviour has traits of ASD/ADHD however chronic sleep deprivation causes behaviours that mirror those traits. I'm going to phone the GP this morning and get an appointme, it's gone to far and is impacting every aspect of his, and my, life.

OP posts:
AnotherOriginalUsername · 24/12/2018 05:13

Also don't cancel your parents. Get them to take DS for a couple of hours so you can have a nap, shower and a bit of peace and feel more human. I've learnt that regardless of how much sleep I have haven't had, a shower makes a huge difference to tiredness levels

MAsMum · 24/12/2018 05:15

Sending big hugs. No babies here just a body that wakes up at 4am every night.

Get your OH to look after your DS for a couple of hrs, have a power nap and a relaxing bath- you will feel much better afterwards.

After DS was born and DH was working away Mon-Fri my dr cousin asked “What do you look forward to?My response was I get a 1 hr lie in on a Sunday” . Very quickly, I realised that I needed more help from DH and I needed to look after me as well as my baby.
My advice take help from wherever/whoever offers it and don’t be a martyr like I was. Make time for yourself and you will feel better.

Pandamodium · 24/12/2018 05:16

I went through hell with DD's behaviour and I can't imagine how much worse that would of been on no sleep Thanks

Original poster
Stargate456123 · 24/12/2018 05:17

buster it's only been the past few months I've been getting into his bed and I started doing it out of desperation. Now he expects it but I need to sleep in my own bed, I don't sleep properly in his bed for a start.
I really didn't want to be sleeping in his bed on Christmas eve either, I really felt it would take away some of the magic. I guess that doesn't matter now, genuinely not doing Christmas. I don't know what else to do, nothing works.

OP posts:
bugaboo218 · 24/12/2018 05:18

Hand hold Op

Broken sleep is shit. I have been up since 4AM with my ASD/ADHD profound learning difficulties GDD son.

I empathise.

What have you tried? Any reason your son is waking up?

Pandamodium · 24/12/2018 05:19

Oh I'm up because the baby took really Ill a couple of weeks ago in the middle of the night and it's sent my anxiety into overdrive.

They can offer melatonin (SP) at a certain age would that be an option for you?

Original poster
Stargate456123 · 24/12/2018 05:21

I've sent my mum a message already to cancel, I honestly don't want to be entertaining my parents when things are so bad here. They live 150 miles away so need good prior warning.

I don't get any offers of help to accept Sad that's the sad truth of it. Both families live in another county and our friends are dropping away because of ds behaviour.

OP posts:
teacakes44 · 24/12/2018 05:27

I have slept on a beanbag in front of the fire, at the bottom of the bed, on the bedroom floor, my youngest slept in our bed every night for four years. I’ve played musical beds at 1,2,3,4am. It will improve. My advice is sleep anywhere you can. My hubby used to moan like hell & I always said - well you don’t find many 15 year olds sleeping in their parent’s bed do you? So yes, eventually they’ll grow out of it! 😀

Original poster
Stargate456123 · 24/12/2018 05:29

bugaboo it would be easier to list what we haven't tried in all honesty. I don't know where to go from here, I'm absolutely lost.
He's now crying because he has a headache....is it any fucking wonder when he's been awake for 4 hours screaming and shouting? How his sister is still asleep I'll never know.

I'm entering the mean stage now, part of me wants to keep him awake all day. I hate what I've become

OP posts:
bugaboo218 · 24/12/2018 05:36

Can your DP/DH have your son later on so you can sleep? Or can you go to bed when your son does some nights to get sleep?

What are the triggers for your son not sleeping? Is he going to bed, sleeping for a bit and waking up? Or just waking early?

Melatonin is a possible option, but round here v reluctant to prescribe it, unless child is under peadatrician and has been assessed at sleep clinic.

PenguinPandas · 24/12/2018 05:45

Might be ASD. My DS used to insist on sleeping with me until around that age, and he's suspected ASD. I used to sleep with and he would cuddle me and a teddy. I would sleep with him somewhere then at least you will both get some rest. He sounds quite distressed. I would give him his presents too, if it is ASD there's only so much he can manage and Christmas is an incredibly difficult time due to all routine changes. He may be scared your OH is leaving too and need reassurance of someone being with him. Wouldn't get parents down as that's just extra stress.

Original poster
Stargate456123 · 24/12/2018 05:47

bugaboo I would LOVE it if ds was assessed in a sleep clinic, I've been asking for years and I just keep getting told that he'll grow out of it. I don't know if I'm going to make it to that point in all honesty.

In the early years it would take 3+ hours to get him to fall asleep and then he would wake continually throughout the night. We broke the going to bed bit by using rapid return but he would still wake several times a night. He doesn't even want anything, it's easy to settle him but it's many times a night.
Lately he's reverted back to taking 3+ hours to fall asleep and wants us to do all kinds of stupid shit so he "knows we're there" like sit outside his door and have a phone conversation or be really noisy if we're downstairs. Fine in the very short term but unsustainable. Now when he wakes up he freaks out and says he thinks I'm going to leave him, this is all very new in the past few months....hence why I've been getting into bed with him but that isn't sustainable either. My whole life is in ruins right now because of this.

Please don't judge but a friend gave me 2 nights of melatonin and it was like a miracle, for the first time in years he was actually able to switch off and fall asleep naturally, but he just doesn't stay asleep and I don't know how it'll ever get better.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stargate456123 · 24/12/2018 05:49

penguin I am 100% sure ds isn't ASD, I am pretty certain this is chronic sleep deprivation.

OP posts:
BlueUggs · 24/12/2018 05:50

Wow, I really feel for you.
Please keep going back to your GP...although I get that's not helpful RIGHT NOW.
Could you pay privately for an ASD/ADHD assessment?
Are the school helpful?

BlueUggs · 24/12/2018 05:51

I'm sorry, I've just seen you don't think it's ASD/ADHD.

Original poster
Stargate456123 · 24/12/2018 05:56

blue thankfully the school are very supportive, they have seen a drastic change in his behaviour lately, he's very angry and has become aggressive on a few occasions both at home and at school. I've been put in contact with the parent support team who I've spoken to and they sound very willing to help support both ds and me.

Shame I feel so unsupported by those around me Sad

OP posts:
Dimsumlosesum · 24/12/2018 06:02

My son was, and still is though nowhere near as bad, the exact same OP. He would "need" the exact same toys in his bed, every night (about 12 of them), to fall asleep. Would wake multipe times in the night SCREAMING, for no fucking reason - I'd get the "oh, it;s just night terrors", and I'd be like he's not having fucking nightmares! He's just screaming his fucking head off because no one is in there serving his every fucking need, being in there with him, etc. One night in particular, it just broke me. BROKE ME. He'd dreamed he'd had a dog, was screaming at me "WHERE"S MY DOG! GIVE ME BACK MY DOG!".It was 2am, he was 3 years old, already been awake about 4 times by that point, I had a new born that was also waking me AND was pregnant so was vomiting with 24 hour "morning sickness". These noises just came out of me, screaming weird horrible sobbing noises and I shook his bed and screamed back at him, over and over and over. I just broke right there on the floor. He eventunally went back to sleep. I just couldn't take it any more and moved his bed back into my room the next day and he ended up sleeping next to me for the next year whilst I leaned over to shush and pat him like a baby in the night. Even now (like last night) he still wakes up and comes in my room at 3am telling me how he can;t sleep, needs to go downstairs, etc. The only things that would help him get back to sleep was Spiegal Im Spiegal, played on repeat, white noise, and just "bed time", "no, it's bed time", over and over. FUcking hideous. I used so hallucinate by 1pm I was so sleep deprived for years - doors opening into my face, when they weren't actually moving, shadows coming at me, that kind of thing.

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