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Original poster

Anyone up? I need a handhold, a hug or a bullet

69 replies

Stargate456123 · 24/12/2018 05:01

I made a thread a little while back about my ds and his horrendous sleep. Tonight has reached crisis point, j feel done and everything has gone to shit. Merry fucking Christmas

It's nearly 5am, I've been up with ds since 1.30am. He's kicked off because I can't (and didn't want to) get into bed with him. I can't because he asked his sister for a "sleepover" so both of them are or should be his bed and I'm not dragging her out of bed at that time to appease this bullshit. I won't because my relationship is in tatters, months of sleeping in seperate beds and arguing over how to deal with this.

Today I'm broken. OH is taking his daughter back to her mum's when the time is reasonable and has said he'll probably stay away the night. Nice. I've cancelled my parents coming down today too, I can't think of anything I'd rather do less than play happy fucking families.

I feel done. I'm not going to be putting any presents out for ds, Christmas is officially cancelled. Everything is fucked.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 24/12/2018 08:29

I would try melatonin again. Try a lower dose as sometimes (in my experience) too high a dose makes you sleep, but can give you vivid dreams and nightmares which wake you up. A lower dose often works better.
Id go back to the doctor and demand referral for assessment by a paeditrician

Beetlebum1981 · 24/12/2018 08:46

I've no advice to offer but just wanted to send a hug. Hope you manage to get a Drs appointment

Eloisedublin123 · 24/12/2018 08:53

My just turned 8 year old has moved back into our room again 2 weeks ago, we put a single mattress on the floor. Throw his mattress on your floor, all get sleep. I’m sorry OP xx

MsLucyLastic · 24/12/2018 08:54

Oh OP, you have my total sympathy. My DD was the same at 7. We ended up seeing a pediatrician who prescribed timed release melatonin. It was like a miracle. And saved all of our sanity.

DD could not help her behaviour during that time. She was chronically sleep deprived. She is now being assessed for ASD (I have been wanting this for years but only now is school in agreement).

You can buy timed release melatonin online. At 7, DD took 1mg at night, an hour before bed and was zonked until morning. Obviously I don't know the dosage your son would need, but that is what DD had.

Please get a paed referral from your GP and beg your GP for some melatonin.

All the best OP. It will improve.

Weenurse · 24/12/2018 09:05

Big hugs and hoping you have had some support from this

DeeStopia · 24/12/2018 09:06

Bloody hell, you poor thing. Sleep deprivations poisons your whole life. It's torture.
What would happen if you did sleep with him? Would you actually get a decent night's sleep? He sounds so anxious and unhappy (what with being afraid you're going to leave him) and maybe that is compounded by the sleep deprivation. Do you think a few nights' sleep with him will put you both in a better position to tackle it long term?
My DC isn't bad in that when he goes off to sleep, he's fine- but he does take time to fall asleep, and is always in and out of the living room asking for hugs and when will I be going to bed. I have found he copes better when he knows exactly what's going to happen. So I'll say, "DS, I'm going to watch TV for an hour now, then I have to work for half an hour. Then I'm having a cup of tea before bed. If you go to bed now and read a book and lie down quietly, I'll come and give you a cuddle in 45 minutes. If you scream and shout, I won/'t."

hendricksy · 24/12/2018 09:06

What does he do when he is awake ? What happens if you just say fine be awake but I'm asleep ? He is old enough to understand that ? Must be awful for you though .

MadMum101 · 24/12/2018 09:19

Please don't punish him by cancelling Christmas. He isn't doing this deliberately. I have a DS with ASD/ADHD and LD's. I get how frustrating sleep difficulties are. You have to remember that he can't help it and is suffering just as much as you.

Are your parents the type to help out or judge? If the latter, them coming down would be beneficial no? Is DS your DH's too?

Tortorino · 24/12/2018 09:20

Lots of good advice here and I really feel for you OP.

I just want to say that you mention you're cancelling Christmas because nothing else works (I paraphrase). I understand why you want to do something drastic to feel like you've gained a handle on the situation. But not doing Christmas isn't going to work either. Cancelling Christmas isn't magically going to make him sleep. If anything, it could make it worse.

By all means, have a quiet, low key day for the 25th and don't put pressure on yourselves to do more than you can manage. But don't angrily cancel Christmas as a punishment for his terrible sleep.

PollyFlinderz · 24/12/2018 09:26

By all means, have a quiet, low key day for the 25th and don't put pressure on yourselves to do more than you can manage

Yes. I agree. Egg and chips instead of turkey dinner. Pajamas all day if need be. No visitors. Just a nice low key day

Branleuse · 24/12/2018 09:26

I have my 11 year old sleeping on my floor the last few weeks. Needs must.
They wont be needing us like this forever

WhoKnewBeefStew · 24/12/2018 09:33

Op can you get your Senco person involved at school. We did this with our dd and she’s been great at getting things moving. We’ve completed an ‘all about me’ form and had it signed off by the school nurse and it’s been sent off to the ‘small steps’ team so we can get an appointment for a pediatrician assessement for her.

Just annoy everyone. Tell them your relationship is breaking up, I even threatened to contact family services and look at my ds going into care I was so desperate.

I’m so sorry for you op children with these behavioural disorders are so difficult and can take over your world, add lack of my sleep to the mix and at times I felt like simply walking out and disappearing.

pinkiepie1 · 24/12/2018 09:34

Hugs
We are the same. Musical beds each night.
Dd is 5 still sleeps in my bed while dh either sleeps in her bed on or settee.
Now dd 18 months has seen her sister in our bed so now wants to come in too.
To get Dd2 in her own bed I or dh have to lay with her until she falls asleep which we usually end up falling asleep too. Which is pita when I have stuff I need to. And people wonder why I don't invite anyone round cos my house is always a mess.

Any consolation I've cancelled Xmas last night because no one listened to me, no one went to sleep. House needs cleaning and I'm the grinch pfft!

thornyhousewife · 24/12/2018 09:35

Ah you poor thing OP, you're perfectly allowed to feel irrational after that much sleep deprivation.

Definitely GP today with the aim of a melatonin prescription.

Mishappening · 24/12/2018 09:39

This might be worth a try.

We had a system whereby we put a single mattress at the bottom of our bed and the rule was that if she woke and could not get back to sleep she was allowed to creep in with her duvet and sleep at the foot of our bed, BUT she was not allowed to wake us up. We made it a sort of game for her to see how quiet she could be. If we woke and found her there, we did lots of: "Wow, you were quiet - we didn't hear a thing! - well done!"

Mummyshark2018 · 24/12/2018 10:00

Please do not self medicate your child with melatonin bought over the internet. Should only be prescribed by a doctor after all behavioural and environmental techniques have been tried.
From your updated post your child sounds anxious. Needs you around, to hear you're still there for reassurance. Have you heard of the disappearing chair technique? Might be worth looking at. Otherwise there are books which can help with anxiety/ worries- when my worries get too big. Hopefully parent support worker help you all come up with a plan which you can all stick to. Good luck

Nanna50 · 24/12/2018 10:09

Why is your OH staying away for the night? What help does he give?

Original poster

Stargate456123 · 24/12/2018 13:18

Thank you all for your kind words, I've taken on board everything suggested. I'm not cancelling Christmas, I was just, as rightly pointed out, trying to gain control of the situation but in the worst way.
To answer a few questions.....
My parents live 150 miles away and my relationship with my mother is strained to say the least. I grew up in an abusive household until I was placed in care at 10 (in and out until 15 when it became permanent). I wouldn't ask her for help if she was the last person on earth. Its because of her that i promised ds would never have the childhood I did, something I feel I'm failing at miserably right now.
DP said he was leaving in the heat of the moment, we are both on our knees with exhaustion and tempers are frayed. He hasn't left, his daughter is also still here and rather unbelievably is totally unaware of anything as she slept through it all!

I wouldn't buy drugs for ds off the internet. I appreciate the sentiment, dp has said the same, and I would if it was for me. I know he needs something though, he had phenegan prescribed when he was 3 but it had the total opposite effect, it was like we gave him liquid amphetamine so that was promptly stopped by the paediatrician as he felt ds wpuld simply start sleeping! His discharge letter stated he gave it 6 months and he'd be sleeping....4 years later.....

OP posts:

AnotherOriginalUsername · 24/12/2018 17:56

Keep on at your GP.

At 7 he's old enough to have a rational conversation about it. When things have calmed down could you talk to him calmly to try and find out what the issue is for him and what may help him? I'm wondering for example, if it's anxiety based, whether a video baby monitor may help tick the box where he needs to know you're there.

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