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Original poster

Struggling to get past colleagues/bosses going to lap dancing bar at works Christmas do

57 replies

Karting1967 · 23/12/2018 20:13

We are a small company of 9 people and had our first Christmas night out last Thursday. I left before midnight and have found out that at least 3 colleagues (possibly more, not seen them all since), including 2 of the 3 owner-directors went to a lap dancing bar at the end of the night.

I’m struggling to get past working with colleagues and bosses who think this is acceptable.

Anyone been in a similar position and managed to move past it?

OP posts:

calmsealife · 23/12/2018 20:14

Ffs are you for real?

Tequilamockinbird · 23/12/2018 20:22

What?

Is this a serious post?

Tippexy · 23/12/2018 20:26

YANBU, it puts everyone in a whole new light, doesn't it?

jq28 · 23/12/2018 20:30

First world problems ey 🙄

greendale17 · 23/12/2018 20:34

You are massively overreacting

Etino · 23/12/2018 20:38

at the answers so far.
I’d be devastated if my current colleagues did this (Christian charity). When I was a teacher I’d have been extremely unimpressed and very very surprised.

cucumbergin · 23/12/2018 20:38

TBH, if I started work for a small firm & then discovered lapdancing bars were acceptable work nights out I'd be looking to move on swiftly.

I work in a male dominated industry so have no time for that crap.

Auntiepatricia · 23/12/2018 20:40

I don’t think she is. It’s disappointing to discover your colleagues are that type of bloke. Clearly lots of people don’t have an issue with men doing this but I’d find it hard not to think they were losers and really shitty/gross to go get their rocks off together. Not to mention the moral issue which is the biggest one for me.

Athena51 · 23/12/2018 20:41

I'd be appalled but some people on here are obviously cool girls....

I work in HE so I would be surprised and pretty sure that it would be considered unacceptable, it would certainly affect my view of them very negatively.

StoodOnALego · 23/12/2018 20:42

Yuck. This would make me view my colleagues in a whole different light (ie as vile sleazes who view women's bodies as objects to be bought for their own gratification).

Kimlek · 23/12/2018 20:46

I’d be absolutely disgusted!
Misogynistic wankers! But just goes to show how ingrained it all is for other people to think you are the one with an issue! Unbelievable in a post 1950 world!! 70 years on.... and there’s stillthis crap

Snowglobes · 23/12/2018 20:48

Nothing cool about it “@athena51*
Simply hideous!

Concernedaboutgran · 23/12/2018 20:48

It's disgusting. So are the replies saying you're overreacting. It's similar to finding out your colleagues are racist homophobes, for eg. They're not who you thought they were.

Grace212 · 23/12/2018 20:52

it's grim but they are colleagues and bosses, not friends.

there was one guy who I might have made friends with, but not with the knowledge that he did that. They went every two weeks or so. Some nights we'd go to a bar, they'd leave early and say they were going home but they weren't, it was pretty well known.

tubspreciousthings · 23/12/2018 20:52

I would be appalled and would probably consider leaving. Strip clubs are fundamentally misogynistic & those who go are likely to have attitudes towards women that I am not comfortable with.

An old work colleague/customer of mine was taken on a night out to schmooze him and he insisted on being taken to a "titty bar". I lost all respect for him after that & haven't worked with him since.

Athena51 · 23/12/2018 20:52

@Snowglobes

I don't think it's cool promise! I think it's tacky and gross but some women seem to fall over themselves to make out that it's no big deal and that women who don't approve are prudes. Trying too hard I think.

Grace212 · 23/12/2018 20:55

I should add that no one at that firm would have asked me to take a client to a "titty bar".

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 23/12/2018 20:59

I‘d look at them in a different light for sure, and be very unimpressed.

ohhelpohnoitsa · 23/12/2018 21:01

I know a whole load of secondary teachers that go every 'boys night out'

MaudebeGonne · 23/12/2018 21:07

My workplace is nearly all women so it isn't a likely scenario. However, I would be morto if anyone suggested we go to a male strip show for our night out. I went to one for a hen party and didn't enjoy it. And I am not a prude at all. The idea of paying people to be sexy just makes the whole thing totally unsexy and a wee bit pathetic.

tubspreciousthings · 23/12/2018 21:15

I'm in complete agreement @MaudebeGonne - I have friends who love it but it's never done anything for me. It just feels a bit grubby.

Etino · 23/12/2018 21:17

@ohhelpohnoitsa that’s depressing. 20 years ago there would be no way going to a strip club would have been sanctioned or not done extremely covertly unlike the shagging and class A drug culture

Original poster

Karting1967 · 24/12/2018 15:59

It’s up to my colleagues what they choose to do in their own time. However, I now know I’m working for a company where two-thirds of my bosses think this is an acceptable way to treat women. So the people who determine the company culture, recruitment policy, working environment and who I rely on to make sure I’m fairly/equally treated.

That’s what I can’t get past.

OP posts:

W0rriedMum · 24/12/2018 16:05

Yeah I'd be unimpressed as well!

Apileofballyhoo · 24/12/2018 16:08

I hope you find a new job, OP.

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