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Original poster

Struggling to get past colleagues/bosses going to lap dancing bar at works Christmas do

57 replies

Karting1967 · 23/12/2018 20:13

We are a small company of 9 people and had our first Christmas night out last Thursday. I left before midnight and have found out that at least 3 colleagues (possibly more, not seen them all since), including 2 of the 3 owner-directors went to a lap dancing bar at the end of the night.

I’m struggling to get past working with colleagues and bosses who think this is acceptable.

Anyone been in a similar position and managed to move past it?

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 24/12/2018 16:09

Don't most employment contacts / disciplinary procedures have something about "bringing the organisation into disrepute"?

I wouldn't feel great about doing business with a company where naked women are part of the culture.

Winebottle · 24/12/2018 16:35

YABU.

I think the "can't see them in the same light" is holding an unreasonably high moral standard for colleagues. Anyone who has worked for a large organisation has probably worked with men who beat up their wives or visit prostitutes, statistically. I don't think you can hold colleagues to the same standards that you would hold a partner or a friend. If you are not willing to work with people who don't share your views about legal activities, there won't be many places you can work.

There is a difference between what people do in their own time and what is openly condoned on a company night out but you are not writing an HR policy, you are working there. It may or may not reflect the culture of the company but either way, I would be judging whether it is a place I want to work based on the environment when I am working not from things they do when I am at home.

Jinglealltheway2018 · 24/12/2018 16:43

I don’t get the anguish over strip clubs personally. My staff night out my boss came on to me, we are both married it made me extremely uncomfortable to say the least in front of colleagues aswell. I don’t see why it would affect you as you were there and had already left.

Original poster
Karting1967 · 24/12/2018 16:43

Problem is it took me 18 months of looking to find this job. I stepped down from a director level position of my own choice two years ago to look for something more hands-on/less strategic and did a few temp roles till I found this one. I had the luxury of being able to take my time till the right job came along.

Job-hunting was full-on, draining in dealing with agencies/recruitment consultants, not receiving replies etc etc. And I’ve only been there since May so it messes up my CV as I’d not been in a permanent role before this since December 2016. And what reason would I give to future employers for leaving.

What a depressing mess.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karting1967 · 24/12/2018 16:45

Should add I’m 51, not found it easy to job hunt at my age.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 24/12/2018 16:47

I wouldn't leave over it, but I'd certainly be on my guard with them.

Jinglealltheway2018 · 24/12/2018 16:48

It’s a total none issue op and doesn’t remotely affect you, they did an activity after you had left. Like a said in a previous post my boss actually came on to me was extremely awkward.

Mookatron · 24/12/2018 16:52

I don't understand this who think this is fine. Yes, people can do what they want on a stag do etc and that's none of your business (though you can still think less of them). But a WORK DO ending up in a strip club is completely unacceptable and you could probably even argue illegal/discriminatory (if you were a lawyer and I'm not). Especially if company money was used.

However if you can't look for a new job I wouldn't take a formal route. Maybe you could decide to gradually and gently change the culture of the company.

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 24/12/2018 16:57

Try not to think about it.
Enjoy your Christmas break and go back to work as if it didn't affect you.
All jobs have ups and downs. (A bit like relationships) and what one person thinks nothing of can be a huge deal to someone else. But they won't be asking you to join them if they go again, and in a work situation, they would be foolish to not follow normal protocol. They might be gross on the inside ( and now you know) but as long as they are professional in office hours, I wouldn't let it upset me, if I were you.

SquirrelShit · 24/12/2018 16:59

OP, that's vile. I'd struggle to respect the colleagues concerned after that.

MyMagicStars · 24/12/2018 17:01

I'd be upset, and depending on my position, bring it up in January or to HR.

HarrySnotter · 24/12/2018 17:48

How on earth can anyone think this is ok? Is it cool to say that people paying to watch young girls do this for a living is OK? Looking at the bigger picture, I really don't think this is a 'non issue'. I fucking hate that attitude.

formerbabe · 24/12/2018 18:22

I'd certainly be on my guard with them

Don't be so ridiculous!

formerbabe · 24/12/2018 18:23

What a depressing mess

It's not a depressing mess. Just go to work as normal and forget about it.

HollowTalk · 24/12/2018 18:34

@formerbabe, I didn't mean I'd be on my guard with them in case they jumped me! It's just that I wouldn't be friends with them outside work.

LadyFairfaxSake · 24/12/2018 18:36

How is it illegal or discriminatory?
OP doesn't like what her colleagues did AFTER she'd left them, they're her colleagues, not her friends, nor people from whom she has any right to expect any standard of behaviour.
Irrespective of the morality of strip clubs, they owe her no standard of conduct.
Her rights at work are guaranteed by law, if she is unhappy she's free to look elsewhere.
She doesn't have to stay somewhere she's unhappy but she doesn't get to police the other staff.

RiverTam · 24/12/2018 18:48

Just because something isn't illegal or discriminatory doesn't make it right. Or are some people so incapable of thought that they can't work that out for themselves? God, comments like this make it obvious how we end up with a nanny state.

OP, yanbu. Depressing to realise your colleagues hold women in such low regard.

LadyFairfaxSake · 24/12/2018 18:56

I'm reasonably capable of thought, can't speak for everyone. You have inadvertently agreed with me - the legality of going to a strip club & the morality of doing so are separate issues & should not be conflated.
It's none of the OP 's business what the others do outside work.
She can't expect them to behave as she would wish - be nice if they did but it's not realistic.

museumum · 24/12/2018 19:00

I’m with OP. It’s the sort of “boys bonding” that ensures you’ll always be on the outside and they’ll always be in the boys club together.

Totally unacceptable.

OlennasWimple · 24/12/2018 19:04

Are you still in contact with any of the agencies you were working with to get this job? Could you speak to any of them and let them know that you are looking, in a very low key way?

I'm quite depressed at the number of posters who think that this is completely hunky dory, TBH.

Bombardier25966 · 24/12/2018 19:06

Women are allowed in strip clubs too, and do go.

Get over yourself and get on with your job.

StealthPolarBear · 24/12/2018 19:11

It's crap op. But as you're presumably not looking to progress just accept that you work for vile wankers and keep your head down. Assuming you like the job day to day I wouldn't leave fr this reason.

StealthPolarBear · 24/12/2018 19:11

So what bomb?

Neverunderfed · 24/12/2018 20:28

I'd certainly think less of them, and struggle not to show it.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 24/12/2018 20:58

Urgh. That's so grim.

I'd start looking for another job, maybe not in a 'my life depends on it' way, but I definitely wouldn't make long term plans there.

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