Struggling to get past colleagues/bosses going to lap dancing bar at works Christmas do

[Karting1967]

We are a small company of 9 people and had our first Christmas night out last Thursday. I left before midnight and have found out that at least 3 colleagues (possibly more, not seen them all since), including 2 of the 3 owner-directors went to a lap dancing bar at the end of the night.

I’m struggling to get past working with colleagues and bosses who think this is acceptable.

Anyone been in a similar position and managed to move past it?

I would be appalled too.

Employers can be taken to court for misdemeanors that happen at work parties, even outside of work hours. I'd argue that since the office party serves a professional function (team building, social bonding etc), by attending a venue the OP could reasonably object to and would feel uncomfortable in they are excluding her from that activity. Dodgy as fuck in my view. However I did say I don't think that's a useful tack to take if she wants to carry on working there.

I've experienced this too OP, it is very disappointing.

My team used to have quite a few women at the top and they've gradually left over the last couple of years & I am now the only one left. Now I find at the end of a night out, the men sometimes 'bond' in this way. Then the next day at work, it is clear there have been a whole bunch of work related conversations I've not been part of. It is like a little club. I think it is awful & I have far less respect for them than previously. I don't have any advice for you, my best tactic is to hold my head high and behave as professionally as possible at all times.

I think it's grim.

I agree that I'd start looking at other opportunities...not in a 'I need to leave immediately' way but looking nonetheless.

If other people on this thread are totally comfortable with women being treated purely as objects for men's pleasure then good for them but I'm not and it would make me think quite a bit less of the men in question, the values they hold and what they think of women generally.

This sort of thing happened in the '90s - I wasn't impressed then, but the reason it happens far less these days on work dos is because it's not acceptable, because it i's discriminatory - activities which are with colleagues should be things everyone is comfortable with. If they're friends who happen to work together - so be it, but if it's the work Christmas do (even if you'very paid for yourselves,) then no, not acceptable.

Then the next day at work, it is clear there have been a whole bunch of work related conversations I've not been part of. It is like a little club.

And this is the problem, because people get opportunities and promotions because of these conversations.

Ugh, how gross and utterly disrespectful to the female employees of the company. I wouldn't want to work there after that.