How to ask an awkward question

[PeanutButterLips]

So for Christmas my dad and his partner asked what we wanted and we all agreed money would be best as we can get what we like.
So he's come round today and he's got two gifts. One for me and my partner, we do have a son. I said 'oh I thought we weren't doing gifts'
And he mumbled like oh it's just a little something.
I didn't even think about the money as it didn't cross my mind.
However, a few hours later my dad leaves and I say to my partner, he didn't give us anything that would indicate we have been given money.
Also, if the gifts are our only presents, then where are our sons gift?
He's 9 and my dad is his grandad.
Will always treat him so defo not a case of leaving him out.
Now I've got the awkward question of asking him xmas day where the money is. but I don't have a jokey relationship with my dad I can't seem to find the way to ask without sounding cheeky/awkward or stumbling over my words cos I'm trying to find the words a nice way that won't cause offence?
Maybe he has forgotten but when he gave presents, he gave my son an envelope that was from his partners parents so could have given it then.
We opened xmas cards a few weeks ago and they were just Cards.
I was so baffled I ashamed to say me and partner opened our gifts incase there was an envelope inside the gifts and no there wasn't.
So we defo have no money gift.
How would you word it? I'll be talking over the phone not through texts.

Wow, you don’t ask! That’s the answer to your question. HTH.

he's spent a fair amount on our gifts we have been given today

Then he has decided to treat you to something instead of giving you money.

I asked how would you bring it up Don’t bring it up at all.

By all means mention you were surprised he hadn’t brought a gift for your DS -unless the gifts you have already opened are a ‘family gift’.

The thing is I know my dad prefers giving money than gifts because he hates trying to find something we may or may not like.
I think his partner was the one who suggested the gifts.
It's usually been money every xmas and sometimes a gift as an extra for DS.
When the conversation concerning xmas comes about he usually starts with 'would you prefer money again this year?' So I know he's not offended when we say yes please.
Unless there is something we want and would like my dad to get that instead then fine, but we usually accept money gifts.
The value of gifts me and partner received were around £35 altogether, which is around the amount we would receive for us 3.

Thank you to the posters that have given helpful advice on how to ask. I will be directing it around my son. I will not say where is our money I wouldn't dream of it.

Wow you're a real spoilt princess! Your dad obviously decided to buy you gifts this year instead of money. Just be thankful for what you get, some of us don't have dads to buy us gifts.

The thing is I know my dad prefers giving money than gifts because he hates trying to find something we may or may not like.

That might be true; but he's either forgotten (which does seem unlikely) or he changed his mind for whatever reason and didn't want to give you money. He's chosen to get you gifts instead.

I would leave it be. It's disappointing if you've usually been able to rely on getting money from him and it's odd that he has chosen not to buy for your son, but if he's bought him something and forgotten to give it to you, and perhaps he has envelopes of cash that he's forgotten, he'll find it and hand it over. Or he won't; because he didn't forget for whatever reason.

It sounds like he got you nice gifts even if you would have preferred cash. I'd leave it be this time; it will be horrendously awkward otherwise, and perhaps see what happens next year. If it is his partner; he probably won't offer you cash again.

It sounds like he's merely 'forgotten' DS, rather than anything else.

Could you say something along the lines of "DF, I feel really awkward mentioning this, but did you hand mini peanutbutter something directly, as I didn't see anything with mine and DP's gifts"

You wouldn’t dream of it? But that’s what your whole OP is about! Piss taker.

I think it's totally normal to agree with a parent that they'll give you money for christmas? So you can go and choose your own shoes/perfume/make up/ whatever you like. My DF does this most years, save him worrying what to get me and I really appreciate it.

Bit awkward OP but agree with others that you should just ask after your son's gift. If your dad normally gets him something then just something like "did you mean to leave DS a gift, sorry to ask, but you usually do so thought you might have forgotten it" Your dad will either say no (unlikely), will have forgotten to hand it over, or will say he thought you'd get it with the money he gave you. At which point he realises he never gave you it.....

Jeez people. The GRANDAD has not bought his GRANDSON a present! That's the point, not the money/should you ask/class war about whether you ask for money or not.

It's not okay to leave a child out. Unless he has fallen out with the grandson. Which the OP does not say.

OP, I'd gently ask your dad if there was meant to be anything for DS, and be ready to follow up with 'don't worry if it's been overlooked in the stress of Christmas, I have a little something you could give him, shall I wrap it from you?' and have a selection box or small toy ready.

Oh FFS.

I would imagine that he has decided to give you presents instead of cash this year. As you say he usually prefers cash I suspect he has been prompted by somebody else to buy gifts or somebody had already bought presents on his behalf for him to give to you.
That doesnt explain about your sons missing gift though which is odd. I think I would have to ask. Not about your Christmas money though as im guessing your gifts are instead of that. It doesnt have to be a drama, just a quick 'ahh, dad did you bring a gift for ds, just checking I havent put it somewhere stupid'. At least it gives him a chance to explain his intentions then.

I would assume he decided to give gifts instead of money and wouldnt ask about the money at all.

I would probably mention there was no gift for ds and leave it at that.

I will mention my son doesn't have a gift and go from there.
Thanks

I think you’ve been getting too much of a hard time.

It irritates me that dads (especially remarried dads) are tiptoed around, and adult DC sometimes find it hard to ask open questions about things which make them feel let down or upset.

Not that I’m totally projecting or anything....

In a buoyant robust relationship what’s wrong with saying, oh I thought we were getting cash this year? No worries.

And it’s absolutely fine to ask where your son’s gift is.

You dont ask and you don't 'go from there'. Stick 20 quid in a card for your son just in case and forget about it.

OP, can I ask, are you and DH both pleased with your gifts? I am just wondering if your DF was maybe thinking to get you both something you would both like and treat you both rather than giving you money, maybe he thinks this money would be spent on bills and he wants you to both have a present? Just a thought.

Not sure about your DS thou

What a cringey thread. Have some self respect and leave it

God if he's like my dad he probably just forgot. My dad wouldn't be offended by my asking if he'd done the same either. I don't understand people who tip toe round their parents like they're not family. I can ask my dad anything... always have been able to... and if I'm in the wrong he'd be the one to tell me or not. No mixed signals or dancing round something.

The OP's dad hasn't forgotten. He's bought gifts to the value of what he usually spends so the OP has no reason to expect cash on top of this, which she did in her first post. It's beyond greedy and ungrateful.

My dad isn't the kind of man to change his mind. Once he is set on something there is very rarely change.
Obviously I know my dad and he does things in a certain way and I'm used to it.
So changing what we requested and what he prefers to do for us at xmas and not mention it is out of the ordinary for him.
He just wouldn't do that.
So it seems to me the gifts were an extra to the money but then there was no money.
I am still no the wiser considering my DS.
And I know when we see him again he would ask what we spent the money on, just being curious not demanding to know, and then it's awkward because it's been a couple of weeks and I have to say we didn't receive money from you.
I know my dad would feel so bad and ask why I hadn't mentioned it.
But I can't think how to bring it up and be non offensive as it's not an easy thing to ask.

Jamie my dad isn't someone I can ask anything too.
I have to think before I talk to dad it's just how I've always been.
Everyone parents differently.

And I know when we see him again he would ask what we spent the money on, just being curious not demanding to know, and then it's awkward because it's been a couple of weeks and I have to say we didn't receive money from you.
I know my dad would feel so bad and ask why I hadn't mentioned it.

So it's a genuine mistake then?

If there's nothing for your son he must have forgotten. Shame you can't just ask... he'll probably be embarrassed when he realises

My own dad forgets to get gifts for his DGC on time, not because he doesn't care, he really does, he's just in the midst of a deep depression.

What makes me most proud is my kids never, ever ask what he's getting them, why don't they have anything from grandad. They just love spending time with him and they love him to bits.

Don't mention it in front of your son or he's going to end up grabby too.