How to ask an awkward question

[PeanutButterLips]

So for Christmas my dad and his partner asked what we wanted and we all agreed money would be best as we can get what we like.
So he's come round today and he's got two gifts. One for me and my partner, we do have a son. I said 'oh I thought we weren't doing gifts'
And he mumbled like oh it's just a little something.
I didn't even think about the money as it didn't cross my mind.
However, a few hours later my dad leaves and I say to my partner, he didn't give us anything that would indicate we have been given money.
Also, if the gifts are our only presents, then where are our sons gift?
He's 9 and my dad is his grandad.
Will always treat him so defo not a case of leaving him out.
Now I've got the awkward question of asking him xmas day where the money is. but I don't have a jokey relationship with my dad I can't seem to find the way to ask without sounding cheeky/awkward or stumbling over my words cos I'm trying to find the words a nice way that won't cause offence?
Maybe he has forgotten but when he gave presents, he gave my son an envelope that was from his partners parents so could have given it then.
We opened xmas cards a few weeks ago and they were just Cards.
I was so baffled I ashamed to say me and partner opened our gifts incase there was an envelope inside the gifts and no there wasn't.
So we defo have no money gift.
How would you word it? I'll be talking over the phone not through texts.

Oops just read your last paragraph about already opening them, sorry!

Is there a back story here OP?

I gave my dad and his partner a present each as they don't specify money or certain things for xmas so I get things I think they will use or enjoy.
So yes they both had a present each. But we weren't expecting gifts because we confirmed a few months ago money would be what we receive at xmas.

I think the general answer is that you shouldn't ask the awkward question. It might be weird but there's no reason to believe it's anything other than it is.....

If the money was in the gifts then I would know my son wasn't forgotten, however there was no envelope or anything wrapped within the presents so yes I was wondering for my son.
The first thing I said to my partner was ' DS hasn't received anything from dad. I thought he was giving money?'
So we both baffled.
I'm not offended by the comments you are writing as I know I'm not that kind of person so please stop as it's only your time your wasting calling me grabby and rude.

You can’t mention the money, obviously. But it’s OK to say “I’ve just realised you didn’t leave a Christmas present for little Fred-would you like me to get some thing for him on your behalf tomorrow?” Or something like that.

It's not actually Christmas yet and he may have something planned or a surprise. He may post something tomorrow for your DS? I don't think anything should be said or done until the day.

Well you could ask about a present for your son as it is odd to give you two gifts and not him. Would be less strange the other way round. Perhaps he genuinely forgot his Grandson’s present, as most people focus more on children don’t they ?
No you cannot ask about the money though, without sounding rude and grabby, unless a specific sum was arranged to put towards a large item perhaps , and even then it is pushing it.

My dad isn't the kind to surprise us.
He's never in all xmas years came and forgotten to give us what we have requested and decided to surprise us another day.
To the PP no back story

Looks like he's changed his mind (or forgotten) and got gifts instead of cash.

You can't ask for the money. You just accept graciously what you have been given.

You asked how to ask the question.
Simple answer..don't.
If what you're really worried about what your son will think just give him something cash or whatever and say it's from your dad.
Anything else would be rude and quite grabby at this point.

When my df came into money he left 3 (obviously) selection boxes behind my sofa.
I rang him to remind him he had 4 dgc. He assumed the 11mo didn't eat chocolate.
I got naff all as usual.
My dsm on the other hand got a 3 bedroom house paid for in cash.
Maybe ask him if the gifts were to share with your ds?
Would be more pd about that than the expected cash tbh.

You could send a message saying "hi dad, I noticed you didn't bring a present for ds - do you want me to pick something up tomorrow to wrap from you?“.

I would never do anything to make my dad feel uncomfortable , like I said above I am nothing like the person people are describing me as above.
That is why I asked if there is a way to ask that would cause no offence, but it's a hard one.
I think my dad would feel really bad that he's forgotten my son and I don't know how to bring it up.
He's the type to ask what he bought nice with the money so if we don't receive it he might feel awkward that we have never asked him for it.

Looks like he's finally realised that he isn't obligated to buy you what you 'requested'. OP you are being incredibly grabby whether you like it or not

The presents we received were chosen for us as adults , my son couldn't use either.

Now I've got the awkward question of asking him xmas day where the money is

Surely not!!!

My god that's really hard necked.

You could just say "thanks for the gifts for me and DP, did you bring anything for DS? I was wondering as I didn't see you give home anything."

He's probably forgotten or thought his DW had handed it over. I'm sure he'd rather you bring it up than your DS feel left out.

I would think the gifts are instead of money for you and your partner but that doesn't explain why there's nothing for your son I would raise it but only with regard to DS, so something like 'Dad, I don't like to raise it but am a bit confused. I can see you've left presents for me and DP instead of money but what was the plan with DS?' Hopefully he will then clarify what he's done with yours and DP's presents while explaining about DS's.

I do think it could come across as grabby to ask directly for yourself and DP but it's a bit more understandable that you wouldn't want DS to be disappointed. He may have genuinely not realised he forgot DS and be grateful you mentioned it.

I wouldn't mention the money at all though as he's obviously chosen to give gifts instead.

This really isn’t the sort of thing you can raise. For whatever reason your Dad decided to do what he did, but it’s his choice.

What sort of thing does he normally get you (value wise) and what were the presents he left you today?

I would wait until Xmas day and thank him for the specific gifts of z and y he gave you, and ask as an aside-was there something separate for Tiny Tim?

I agree with others. You could text to ask if he has forgotten to drop something round for your son and does he want you to pick something up for him. It would be really rude to ask where the money is. That would be very cheeky.

Perhaps rather than asking about the money you could ask about your sons gift? Something like... Ds asked if grandad had got him a gift. It just seems like he's decided to do presents rather than money and has forgotten your Ds.

Wow.

I was shocked reading the first line, than you asked for money rather than a gift. IMO that is rude. Fine if they ask 'would you rather money or a gift,' but if they offered a gift and you asked for money, that was very rude.

He asked you what gifts to get, so you can hardly be annoyed your child didn't get a gift. Yes, ok, if I were him I would have felt unhappy and worried and would have guessed at something appropriate for a child, but he clearly doesn't feel able to do that, does he? That's why he asked what to get.

And no, you can't ask to give you money on top of gifts.