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Original poster

I feel like I've made the biggest mess of things, please help me

36 replies

charleywhirls · 22/12/2018 14:29

I come from a bit of a chaotic background. I lost my mum young, and I didn't really have anywhere to go, I stayed with my dad for a year but I didn't get on with his wife, then stayed with my nan and she died so I stayed with a friend for a bit then got my own place.

I accumulated loads and loads of debt, obviously I couldn't pay it back. I regret this more than anything.

Because of my debt I can't really rent or buy anywhere (couldn't afford it anyway) i have a basement room I rent, it's dark, freezing cold and damp.

I bought a sofa from a charity shop, anyway it wouldn't fit. So I've wasted money again. It's so stupud but I feel so down about it. I was looking forward to feeling normal, sitting on a sofa and having a cup of tea and watching films, and now i can't even do that.

I feel so low. It's not really the sofa I know.

OP posts:
sprinkleofsunshine · 22/12/2018 14:41

No advice as such but didn't want to read and run. Thinking of you op Thanks

I've been through similar though not to the same extent, it will get better x

Original poster
charleywhirls · 22/12/2018 14:51

Thank you. I think it will get worse, how can it not Sad

OP posts:
whatsnewchoochoo · 22/12/2018 14:54

Oh love - sofas are arseholes, it's always so so hard to predict it theyll fit.

I'm so sorry things are so hard right now. Are you getting any support - you sound like you're really struggling with money

buckingfrolicks · 22/12/2018 14:57

Have you tried taking the legs off the sofa? Might help. Who helped you try and get it in? I'm often gobsmacked at what some people can get thro spaces that I can't.

I'm so sorry for your situation it sounds utterly crap. I wish I had good things to say to you. Life can be pretty bloody miserable. Do you work?

IAmRubbishAtDIY · 22/12/2018 14:58

Does it definitely not fit? Is it worth putting the measurements here?

Have you put a thread up on the money section to help with your finances? Martin Lewis has a great money forum on his website, with so many people who could help you to budget and get back on track financially.

Original poster
charleywhirls · 22/12/2018 14:58

it was the men from the shop - it's gone back now Sad

I work yeah but it's still hard ... I feel like I've nowhere I really belong. I felt like if I could make where I lived nice it would be a big start, make a big difference, but I've nowhere even to sit!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 22/12/2018 14:59

Well it certainly does seem like a series of unfortunate events

Original poster
charleywhirls · 22/12/2018 15:01

How do you mean former?

OP posts:
FestiveNut · 22/12/2018 15:02

They should have either given you your money back or offered to swap it for a different sofa. Have they just kept the money and the sofa?

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 22/12/2018 15:03

Who needs a sofa?

Just buy comfy armchairs and cover them with throws.

It's easy to beat yourself up when something goes wrong.

However, focussing on all the negatives and bad decisions simply makes you feel worse and reinforces the 'everything is horrible and I don't deserve better' mentality.

So? The measurements were wrong.

So? You'll know for next time.

See if you can get a refund or a credit note

Santaisonthesherry · 22/12/2018 15:03

Place a 'wanted for free' ad on Gumtree!! I have one on for a fridge for my adult ds. I have had 4 offers in just a few days (unfortunately too big for the space he has).

formerbabe · 22/12/2018 15:03

You've had a lot of bad luck.

If the sofas gone back then surely they've refunded you?

Original poster
charleywhirls · 22/12/2018 15:07

I don't have any way of getting a sofa from Gumtree or Shpock or Facebook - no van or anything.

I will be refunded for the sofa but not the delivery charge (£30)

OP posts:
Wordsup · 22/12/2018 15:09

Sounds tough OP Flowers

Have you got other family? Siblings etc?

I agree with previous posters about the whole freeads thing. Honestly, it's amazing what people give away for free! We've had loads of stuff over the years. I once saw a car on my local page! Albeit a banger but still!

Sending you love, I can understand how deflated you must feel x

Original poster
charleywhirls · 22/12/2018 15:10

I don't have anyone at all. I could possibly get a free sofa, but I've no way of getting it to where I live or getting it in.

OP posts:
Wordsup · 22/12/2018 15:15

Might be worth asking if delivery would be available. Bit of a long shot but you never know. I'd be more than happy to help as would DH if we had a sofa to give away and knew someone could really benefit from it.

TheQueef · 22/12/2018 15:19

Aw lass don't blame yourself the sofa is a common mistake (my cousin is a window fitter who often has to be called out)
A beanbag or cushion will do until you are in better times.

Don't be hard on yourself, try and have a merry Christmas. Xmas Smile

formerbabe · 22/12/2018 15:20

I don't have anyone at all

How about your dad or the friend you were staying with?

formerbabe · 22/12/2018 15:22

I feel like I've made the biggest mess of things, please help me

This is your title. What particular help would you like?

sharke · 22/12/2018 15:24

Yes, what help do you need, OP?

MonsterKidz · 22/12/2018 15:26

Hi OP,
That sounds like a tough situation. I’m so sorry the sofa didn’t fit, I would be as upset as you.
Are you receiving any help with your debt? Citizens Advice can help as a start. Benefits? There must be some organization or charity who can help.
I think you’re right focusing on where you live and making a cozy home can begin to give you a sense of belonging.
You mention your mum has passed, what about your Dad love, did you know him at all?

mouthkisses · 22/12/2018 15:30

Oh no. Things like that really can put a tin lid on a shitty time.

All of this is circumstance and crap luck. Please try and separate it out from how you feel about yourself. None of this is because of you. I can't imagine how hard it must be to keep your head up when everything is conspiring against you, but better times are ahead. Life changes, second by second.

Santaisonthesherry · 22/12/2018 15:34

What can we do op? Tis the season of goodwill...

Zoflorabore · 22/12/2018 15:36

Sorry you're having a rough time op, where about are you? Maybe someone on here will be near you and will know about charities etc.
Christmas is a lonely time for a lot of people and I hope you enjoy it as best you can Flowers

masterstef · 22/12/2018 15:37

Has your room got heating? Have you got a fan heater? Do you work? What did you accumulate the debt on - rent etc?