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Original poster

Help... At ILs on my birthday

82 replies

cjt110 · 22/12/2018 13:30

And I'm sat here bored shitless, anxious and paranoid.

FIL, DH and I had a falling out a few years ago and I feel like I'm in eggshells constantly. And my paranoia is working overtime.

FIL asked DH did he want wine. DH said no as he needs to drop the car at the hotel. And that's it. No asking me. BIL (golden boy who cant do wrong) is wandering around with a drink and I just feel shit

I want to be at home with my parents.

It's my birthday and it may as well be any other fucking day. I basically got a bar of soap for my birthday from them...

fucking argg

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 22/12/2018 14:14

I am on about 4 fingers of gin to 2 fingers of tonic...

Thanks all. I thought I was being silly.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 22/12/2018 14:14

@Jayfee Its yum

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 22/12/2018 14:17

Why did it take you so long to ask OP? Hmm

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/12/2018 14:18

Ellie because I have anxiety and to me, a guest shouldn't ask

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 22/12/2018 14:20

You’re totally right, a guest shouldn’t ask. Your DH however isn’t a guest and should sort you out.

You need to make that a condition of you visiting. If they don’t offer you anything then he deals with it.

callmeadoctor · 22/12/2018 14:20

I don't understand why your DH didn't get you a drink?

callmeadoctor · 22/12/2018 14:21

So, before you get there you make sure that your DH looks after you.

Iloveacurry · 22/12/2018 14:22

They’re the rude ones OP, good for you for asking.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 22/12/2018 14:25

Are you just sitting there on your phone?!! I would find that very rude. They're prob waiting for you to finish up and then offer a drink.
Also why hasn't your dh got you one? Very strange

diddl · 22/12/2018 14:29

" For that reason, I never would have agreed to go on my birthday."

Well yes.

What are your plans for your bday?

Why didn't you & your husband at least have lunch out?

Afternoon tea later?

chocatoo · 22/12/2018 14:34

They are very rude not offering you a drink. But you need to get off your phone as that’s rude too. Next time take a bottle with you and just say 'right I’m opening this bottle of fizz, bring me glasses...' make sure you give some to MIL first and make a fuss of her as she sounds downtrodden.

LoniceraJaponica · 22/12/2018 14:39

“MIL has just offered DH a drink.”

And he is driving? Hmm
Are you insured to drive his car? These days with power steering big cars are no more daunting to drive than small cars. You need to get your big girl pants on and familiarise yourself with driving your OH’s car so you never end up being trapped like this again.

“I think you are enabling this situation. Sorry.”

So is the husband. Why isn’t he ensuring that the OP has a drink? Why doesn’t he have her back? I would also suggest that as the in-laws clearly don’t want the OP to visit she should stay at home and let the husband go on his own.

“You’re totally right, a guest shouldn’t ask.”

A guest shouldn’t have to ask.

MissEliza · 22/12/2018 14:44

You're right Op. A guest shouldn't have to ask. Has your FIL said anything to you yet?

diddl · 22/12/2018 14:47

I don't really see visiting parents as being a guest.

That said if Op doesn't feel comfortable asking for stuff or helping herself-why isn't her husband doing it?

Is he too scared to ask or has be reverted back to being waited on?

Sexnotgender · 22/12/2018 14:50

A guest shouldn’t have to ask.

That’s what I meant Smile

ReturnofSaturn · 22/12/2018 14:55

Just drive the bloody car!? You can't drive an estate car? Seriously? Confused

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/12/2018 15:01

@GiveMeAllTheGin Yes... seeing as I'm being ignored I went on my phone.

I dont have confidence in situations like this because I dont know anyone else who doesn't offer a brew to anyone arrival to someone, or offers drinks to some but not all

OP posts:
Gina2012 · 22/12/2018 15:03

I am totally lost

Your ILs are your DHs parents

Why doesn't your DH sort you out with drinks/nibbles/comfy seats/presents/cards/nice times ?

Is there something wrong with him?

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/12/2018 15:09

I think DH and I are the wallflowers of his family

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 22/12/2018 15:15

and to me, a guest shouldn't ask

A guest that doesn’t ask is a guest that’s hard work. Yes, hosts should offer. But not exclusively.

AgentProvocateur · 22/12/2018 15:17

You’re adults. They’re family. Just ask or help yourself. Confused And if you can drive a small car, you can drive a big car.

Gina2012 · 22/12/2018 15:17

I think DH and I are the wallflowers of his family

Perhaps he (and you?) could learn to be more positively assertive?

tubspreciousthings · 22/12/2018 16:47

I'm more shocked that your DH didn't intervene in any way and get you a drink

Zucker · 22/12/2018 17:25

What is your husband actually doing when absolutely no one is either offering you a drink or acknowledging you? Is he looking at the ceiling?

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 22/12/2018 17:36

My DHs grandparents didn’t offer me a cup of tea on my first visit, although they offered him so he went into the kitchen and made me one. Second visit they did the same.. this time he didn’t make me one... he basically said “BuggerOff is my wife, these days we come as a package, are you going to make her welcome?” This was met with silence. So he said “if I leave now I won’t be back...” still silence so we left.... and he never went back! They did contact him saying he was always welcome but “we’d rather you didn’t bring a Catholic into our home home”. He definitely went NC after that.

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