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Original poster

Help... At ILs on my birthday

82 replies

cjt110 · 22/12/2018 13:30

And I'm sat here bored shitless, anxious and paranoid.

FIL, DH and I had a falling out a few years ago and I feel like I'm in eggshells constantly. And my paranoia is working overtime.

FIL asked DH did he want wine. DH said no as he needs to drop the car at the hotel. And that's it. No asking me. BIL (golden boy who cant do wrong) is wandering around with a drink and I just feel shit

I want to be at home with my parents.

It's my birthday and it may as well be any other fucking day. I basically got a bar of soap for my birthday from them...

fucking argg

OP posts:
MissEliza · 22/12/2018 13:52

Are they going to be celebrating your birthday? SIL had to spend her 40th birthday, also near Xmas, at my dps because my mum also had cancer and was undergoing chemotherapy. It's was a bit crap because mum was so ill but we made sure to do a cake and presents for SIL.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 22/12/2018 13:53

And I'm too polite to say "Oi where's my wine"

Either change that - or get DH to get you a wine and make the point - or learn to drive his car and go now.

It's insanity to sit around like a martyr hoping they'll change. Happy birthday Thanks

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/12/2018 13:55

@MissEliza.. I got a card and a bar of soap.

FIL has prostate cancer and isn't "ill" per se.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 22/12/2018 13:55

Find your gumption, OP! Say, "Can I have a drink please?" Surely they can't refuse you that?

Santaisonthesherry · 22/12/2018 13:55

Can see where your dh got his manners from if he is happy to sit with a drink while you haven't been offered one!

Peridot1 · 22/12/2018 13:55

Get DH to one side and tell him if he doesn’t get you a drink you are leaving in his car. Whether you can drive it or not!

He must realise they are inhospitable and he needs to step up.

And Happy Birthday! Flowers and Gin

HollowTalk · 22/12/2018 13:55

Or tell them you're so desperate to try out that fabulous bar of soap that you're going to go back to the hotel now and have a very, very long bath.

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/12/2018 13:55

@HallowTalk I wouldn't put it past them...

FIL hasn't said a single word to me

OP posts:
tubspreciousthings · 22/12/2018 13:55

What does your DH say about you being treated like this? Can you get a cab to the hotel and have a drink in the bar or something? Or go shopping? Anything is better than this.

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/12/2018 13:56

@tubs... He just accepts it. They wont change. They never have

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 22/12/2018 13:57

I don’t think you look well, OP. You should go to the hotel ASAP and have a lie down. Near the bar.

AuntMarch · 22/12/2018 13:59

You might as well go and wait in the hotel bar for the room to be ready, you're making it pretty easy for them to ignore you.

AppleScoop · 22/12/2018 14:00

I'm perplexed as to why you haven't asked for a drink. If they're so inhospitable, then they won't think asking for a drink is a problem. Something like, "Oh that wine looks nice. Could I have a glass as well please? Thanks."

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/12/2018 14:01

I just said "Ok, where's the gin... I need to go and look for it"

MIL is looking now

Hurrah!

OP posts:
Redtartanshoes · 22/12/2018 14:01

I think you are enabling this situation. Sorry.

No one is saying you need to be rude but sitting there seething and letting it spoil your birthday is ridiculous.

“Could I have a glass of wine please” or you send DH to the shop to buy a bottle. Or just bloody help yourself... who cares what they think?

Sexnotgender · 22/12/2018 14:03

Fuck that for a laugh!

If you don’t want to pipe up then text your DH and get him to get you a bloody drink. How rude, I’d be fuming.

Santaisonthesherry · 22/12/2018 14:04

I hope you make it the last visit op.
I had cause to knock on an unknown neighbour's door the other night. Complete stranger - and he offered me a cuppa on getting in the door!

HollowTalk · 22/12/2018 14:05

You have to remember this and not do it again, OP. It seems as though your FIL is now blaming you for the argument in the past so that he can keep his relationship with his son.

Wouldn't it be better if your husband visited without you in future?

HollowTalk · 22/12/2018 14:06

Could you ask now if your MIL has any paracetemol, then after lunch say you feel like you're coming down with something and had better go back to the hotel. Your husband can stay with them. Then go and buy some room service wine and chocolates and watch a film in bed.

MissEliza · 22/12/2018 14:08

Fil hasn't said a single word to me. My FIL frequently treats me like that too yet my dh refuses to believe me. I've learned to give as good as I get. For that reason, I never would have agreed to go on my birthday.

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/12/2018 14:08

I have Gin! Gin

OP posts:
Whitney168 · 22/12/2018 14:09

If they are being that rude and your husband is allowing it, I would genuinely go back to hotel and leave them all to it. If your husband complains, tell him that even if his parents have no manners, you expect HIM to treat you with respect.

AppleScoop · 22/12/2018 14:12

Glad you have gin. GinSmileBut do speak up faster next time. It doesn't have to be a big issue.

Jayfee · 22/12/2018 14:12

I hate gin but I am savouring yours!!

Sexnotgender · 22/12/2018 14:13

Thank goodness GinFlowers hope it makes it more bearable.

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