Think ds teacher is a bitch

[YarnObsessor]

It’s ds (7) Christmas assembly this afternoon, his school won’t call it a play or a nativity for some reason. I’m determined to go as he’s worked so hard and has asd so wouldn’t understand if I didn’t come. I recently had surgery on my urethra and now have a catheter for a while which the catheter added to the pain from stitches in my urethra mean it’s really tough to get out and nearly impossible to sit anywhere comfortably except my recliner at home and due to the pain and exhaustion I can’t stand long.

She has been amazing he’s stayed off work and done Everything! He took ds to school this morning and asked ds teacher if it would be possible to find a softer chair maybe from the library or an office? “No we won’t do that”
would be possible to reserve me a seat, “no I’m not doing that”
So I have to try to either sit on a hard bench or try to stand for probably two hours! Bearing in mind it was mils birthday the other day and we went out for a meal where I sat on the comfiest chair we could find and only stayed long enough to eat and it was utter agony and I cried the whole way home.

I’m probably being over sensitive because everyone’s opinion is just don’t go.
But I’ve missed so much of Christmas with ds already and I just wanted this one thing to see him be an inkeeper because his autism means it’s been so horrible for him having me be in hospital and then not doing anything when im home either.

I don’t know who she is but dh has been amazing

I don't want to come across as insensitive but can you not just take a cushion to sit on.

Honestly they have enough to deal with on the day of a play!

Hope you feel better soon.

Ask a different teacher or the office. You'll probably get a different answer.

She's not a bitch, but I understand why you're frustrated.

Take a cushion and enjoy the play

Taking a cushion is a good idea.

You’re post-op, reserving a seat isn’t a lot to ask - they reserve a few seats at our DC school for things like this.

Speak to the head?

take a cushion. I honestly think they are run ragged around this time of year and its pretty disrespectful for you to call somebody that does so much for your child, a bitch because she is unable to sort you out special treatment.

Oh I feel for you but you can't sit or stand in gross discomfort for two hours. Sad though it may be to miss the Christmas assembly, I think you are justified in doing so. Your husband (she :-)), can perhaps video or photograph relevant bits and your son will understand. There will be other events you can go to.

You won't be the only missing parent and at least dad will be there.

Schools can't make special arrangements, it's a shame but that's how it is.

I do hope you recover soon, you sound so nice. x

You're being really harsh calling her a bitch. She's trying to corral lots of excited children into an assembly where they're expected to behave and perform impeccably. I'm sure she has a lot on her plate today, and none of them should be your urethra

It's really not the job of a teacher to provide specific seating for parents. Talk to the office or take a cushion.

Take a camping chair, unfold at the last second and sit off to the side so you don't obstruct anyone's view. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission

You won’t be the only one with an ailment and unfortunately if they make an exception for one person they will have numerous requests from everyone else. She is in no way a bitch.

You're calling her a bitch because she's not got time to run around pandering to you? She'll be rushed off her feet today. It's her job to look after the children and make sure they're prepared for the event, not sorting out parent seating requests.

You're being unreasonable, they can't produce comfy chairs on request, imagine what would happen

That doesn't mean you shouldn't be annoyed but it's the situation that's at fault not the specific teacher.

Is your own cushion not an option, not unreasonable to ask for the most suitable position though.

I’m sorry if it sounds harsh that she’s doing play today etc it’s not the first thing she’s done to make me think it. Including leaving ds in wet trousers all day because they “didn’t notice” he stank and it was obvious, also they’re supposed to check him and take him to the toilet every hour as they know he’s incontinent. Oh and telling me off in the playground loudly in front of ds and everyone else like a child for something irrelevant I’d said at home that ds had of course repeated.
So no I’m not just calling her a bitch because I can’t have a comfortable chair.
I’m going to take cushions and hope for the best, although I may fall off whatever chair I end up on as I’m really short and on a cushion won’t be able to reach the floor!

Also, your husband shouldn't have waited until the morning of the play to bring it up.

Been there re catheters and urethral surgery , it’s hellish isn’t it . I remember crying my eyes out after walking for ten minutes it hurt so much . I self catheterise daily now which helps as don’t have a bag to deal with but assuming post surgery that won’t be an option at all.

Can you get a flip flo valve, they usually pull less as there’s no weight on the end of the tubing ? Other poissble things that help ; if you can get a decent strap to support the bag really well , sit the bag closer to you so it’s not stretching too much , empty before sitting down ; and yes to bringing a cushion and taking pain relief . If you can sit at the back maybe you can shift around a bit more and stand if you need to ?

Another thing I found helped enormously was wearing t shirts or nighties at night instead of pyjamas and having the catheter loose in my bed - I didn’t keep it on a stand as it tugged all night .

Teacher isn’t a bitch but I know how you feel , I’ve never felt relentless pain like it.

I’m surprised they didn’t actually give you a temporary suprapubic bag , stitches in your urethra with a silicone tube rubbing against them must be absolutely hellish . My surgery was a dilation and cauterisation combined with other stuff so I had 30 odd external stitches but nothing internal , I think if I’d have had internal I’d have needed morphine to keep from losing it altogether !!

Right so this isn't really about today then, it's an overall issue with the teacher

I'm sorry you're in so much pain Christmas plays are very special for parents and children alike; I'm going to go against the grain and say it would have been kind - and actually not too much trouble - for the school to have found you a softer chair. I can understand your frustration. Hopefully you can take a cushion with you to make it less uncomfortable.

I have a flip flow valve and a bag attached to that I try not to use it though because when I open it and my bladder is emptied I get a really sharp awful pain inside my bladder it feels like my bladder is getting sucked into the tube and i can’t help squealing every time when I use the valve to change bags or shower. I could in theory go without the bag and just empty though the flip flow into the toilet but someone would definitely hear me squeal!
I think I’m extra sensitive to everything at the moment because I’ve barely been out of the chair or bed for nearly three weeks and I’m terrified I’m ruining Christmas. I’ve gained so much weight because dh can’t cook, I can’t stand long enough to cook and I can’t move so I’m sat on my arse eating crap wrapped in a blanket because pj bottoms pull it to the side and it aches.

Basically I’m whinging now lol

If they give you a reserved seat then next year they'll have half a dozen requests for various ailments. If you've done it for one, then that'll open it up for more requests. I suppose if they give you one at the back people might be less keen.

I doubt they have a more comfortable chair that would make much difference if it's going to be 2 hours and you were in agony after a meal (presumably less than 2 hours) and a comfortable chair Any I've seen in school (except bean bags in the library) are only thinly covered.

But you taking a comfortable cushion would make far more sense anyway. You can then choose one that makes you most comfortable and sit at the back so you can stand for a while to relieve the pressure for a short time, or leave quietly if it's getting too much.

Sorry you are feeling so grim. The teacher sounds a bit like one Ds had, lacking a bit of empathy. Saying that, she was amazing with the children and they all loved her.
I think perhaps it wasn’t the time to ask. Is your Ds in for the whole 2 hours? Take a few cushions.

I would ring the school direct and ask the Secretary or Head to reserve you a seat. I think you would get a better response via the office. As a past teacher myself, she is not a bitch. She either doesn't feel she has the authority to authorise that, or she is stressed off her head with last minute details.

Also, as others have said, take a cushion, those seats are purgatory!

I hope everything works out for you today and you make a quick recovery.

Our school will reserve seats when needed but I don’t think asking on the morning of play would happen because there is a million and one other things going on then.

Oh come on. A reserved seat is so little to ask especially when there’s a genuine need.

Such a small kindness that needn’t take more than 30 seconds to sort.

I agree OP to take a cushion. Hope you enjoy the play.

Agree, phone the school office and try and get them to sort. Teacher is probably run ragged.