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Original poster

Think ds teacher is a bitch

79 replies

YarnObsessor · 19/12/2018 10:10

It’s ds (7) Christmas assembly this afternoon, his school won’t call it a play or a nativity for some reason. I’m determined to go as he’s worked so hard and has asd so wouldn’t understand if I didn’t come. I recently had surgery on my urethra and now have a catheter for a while which the catheter added to the pain from stitches in my urethra mean it’s really tough to get out and nearly impossible to sit anywhere comfortably except my recliner at home and due to the pain and exhaustion I can’t stand long.

She has been amazing he’s stayed off work and done Everything! He took ds to school this morning and asked ds teacher if it would be possible to find a softer chair maybe from the library or an office? “No we won’t do that”
would be possible to reserve me a seat, “no I’m not doing that”
So I have to try to either sit on a hard bench or try to stand for probably two hours! Bearing in mind it was mils birthday the other day and we went out for a meal where I sat on the comfiest chair we could find and only stayed long enough to eat and it was utter agony and I cried the whole way home.

I’m probably being over sensitive because everyone’s opinion is just don’t go.
But I’ve missed so much of Christmas with ds already and I just wanted this one thing to see him be an inkeeper because his autism means it’s been so horrible for him having me be in hospital and then not doing anything when im home either.

OP posts:
Flatwhite32 · 19/12/2018 12:02

I'm a teacher (on mat leave!) and I agree that a flat out no is unkind. If I was this teacher, I'd ask whether this was possible due to your circumstances. However, calling the teacher a 'bitch' is going too far. In my school, teachers actually have nothing to do with seating my performances, as all that is organised by the office. Also, on the day of a play, teachers are extremely frazzled, and getting children changed and ready for a performance, especially infants, takes ages. I would contact the office and see what they can do.

MarthaArthur · 19/12/2018 12:15

Also going against the grain here finding a comfier chair takes zero time or effort so its not another hard to do thing on the list. Teachers chairs are comfy she could literally just take her own into the hall for you at no extra bother. Ditto office staff can do it too. Her outright saying no deffo makes her a bitch. Sorry your having a rough time op. Flowers

Branleuse · 19/12/2018 13:50

So she also deals with taking your incontinent child to the loo every hour day in day out? It sounds to me like she goes above and beyond. Doesnt he have an LSA for that, or is it all on this one bitch?

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BatCakes · 19/12/2018 13:50

Well I don't know if she's a bitch but that's not helpful

My mum Dane to my DSs last ever primary assembly. She walks with a stick and cannot sit on the small chairs or a bench. I rang on the morning of the assembly and nothing was too much trouble for them. She got a front space with a special chair and they helped her to it

So no, you're not unreasonable at all. What happened to just helping someone?

CrookedMe · 19/12/2018 13:50

OP it sounds like you're having a terrible time, and like it would be much kinder to yourself to stay home this time round Thanks

Lazybonita · 19/12/2018 14:02

I would ring. My dc school had special reserved comfy seats for those who needed them.

Original poster
YarnObsessor · 19/12/2018 14:39

Play has finished, I managed to sit on the small child sized hard chair with a cushion that did very little and managed not to cry, I did notice at one point that quite a few people kept looking my way then looking away, apparently my long skirt was slightly not long enough to fully cover the bag so ended up with my coat over my knees.
I’d love to say it was better pain-wise than I expected but it was actually worse, dh drove me home straight after and went back to wait for ds to finish and I now feel just about as bad as I did straight after the op I’m hoping it’ll ease off because it’s bloody awful!

So until dh gets back with dh I’m going to take the extra good painkillers the hospital gave me for emergencies and have a little cry.

Ds was amazing in his play and was really excited that I’d made it and managed to stay till the end so really it was worth it.

Teacher wouldn’t talk to me much just to say hi. She did look a bit shocked by the state of me afterwards though so I suspect she thought dh was exaggerating how poorly I’ve been and she’s seen it for herself now.

OP posts:
Original poster
YarnObsessor · 19/12/2018 14:43

School gets plenty of extra funding to pay for 1–1 support for ds for the majority of the day but refuse to tell us what his funding goes on and just say that between his teacher and the teaching assistants they manage to cope with him.
We’re going into battle about it all once I’m strong enough.

OP posts:
hmmwhatatodo · 19/12/2018 21:41

I expect the teacher was a little bit too busy with other things which meant she was unable to speak to you other than to say hi. Do you have any idea how busy her day would have been?

FourEyesGood · 19/12/2018 21:57

Teachers chairs are comfy

WTF? I’m a teacher and I have a crappy hard plastic chair, just like my students. But yeah, go ahead and make sweeping generalisations.

And yes, a bit more empathy from this teacher might not go amiss, but if she’s anything like me, she’s struggling to get to the end of term without openly sobbing (from sheer exhaustion) in front of the children.

Judge away.

heavenlypink · 19/12/2018 22:11

@YarnObsessor Sorry that the school weren't more sympathetic and helpful. I work in a school and many many times I have ensured that higher, more comfortable seats are available for parents/carers with medical issues whilst they are in school watching school performances.

Coconut0il · 19/12/2018 22:59

Personally I think she could've been kinder and helped you out. I work in a school and would've got you a softer chair if I'd been asked. Would've taken me two seconds to do.

doodleygirl · 19/12/2018 23:06

FFS they couldn’t find you a softer chair or help at all, what a nasty teacher. Yes I think that she was a bitch and so are some of the posters on here. Nasty fuckers. I hope you feel better soon.

mamaduckbone · 19/12/2018 23:16

If you are the sort of parent that calls other another human being a bitch when they are at the end of an 8-9 week term then there is no surprise that they were unwilling to help.
I’m sorry you are in so much pain OP but honestly, unless you have been a teacher in the last week of the Christmas term you have no idea.

Delatron · 19/12/2018 23:17

Ahh poor you. I wish someone else would have helped. A TA or the school office. You shouldn’t have had to suffer.

SushiMonster · 19/12/2018 23:21

Your op and recovery sound awful.

But, seriously, end of term, teachers literally at their absolute end of sanity, they can’t be fucking about finding you a comfy chair/reserving you a chair on nativity day.

Opticabbage · 19/12/2018 23:42

It feels like there are a few teachers feeling very sorry for themselves here. It would have been a small kindness to pass on a message to arrange a comfier chair. Well done for enduring the pain for something that would have meant a lot to your son.

BlackeyedGruesome · 19/12/2018 23:55

teacher could have said to ring the office, rather than no.

ChesterGreySideboard · 20/12/2018 00:02

Teachers chairs are comfy she could literally just take her own into the hall for you at no extra bother.

Nope. My chair is a regular hard plastic chair.

I can’t think of a single soft of comfy chair in the entire school.

Hohocabbage · 20/12/2018 00:07

You should have asked sooner, as you would have to at a theatre or an easyJet flight! Better response then far more likely. Not sure why you think you ds’ teacher would have a big chat with you at the show. And how your son’s 1:1 support allocation is spent is zero less than bloody zero to do with the teacher.

Hohocabbage · 20/12/2018 00:09

Teacher may be up a flight of stairs from hall, “no extra bother” to carry it down? Hmm. I have a more padded (computer) chair than the pupils use, bet it would do fuck all to help with OP’s condition though.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 20/12/2018 00:11

Hmm, I'm disabled and I use a stick. I have a lot of difficulty getting up fro a child sized plastic chair.

The first time I ever walked into one of my kids' assemblies, the Head said, "Oh Mrs Tink, would you like to sit here?" and directed me towards a row of adult sized comfy chairs that were reserved for disabled and elderly people and the odd super pregnant mum.

I'm shocked to learn this is not the norm in all schools. Where do people get off on uncaringly insisting others sit in pain and discomfort when the tiniest bit of thought could avoid it and make the whole event much more enjoyable for everyone.

She certainly sounds like a bitch to me.

Hohocabbage · 20/12/2018 00:34

I have never been at an assembly with the mini child chairs. Always normal sized chairs

Hohocabbage · 20/12/2018 00:35

Seriously though what chair would have been comfortable for the OP, given chair + cushion wasn’t?

Worriedmummybekind · 20/12/2018 00:39

Schools can make special arrangements! Indeed they are obliged to ensure disabled people can access in the same way others can as long as it’s a reasonable adjustment.

Most likely this teacher is overwhelmed. Get DH to speak to the office and explain. It’s a very busy time of year but they can and should accommodate you. Please don’t take the first answer as the final one.

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