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Original poster

Think ds teacher is a bitch

79 replies

YarnObsessor · 19/12/2018 10:10

It’s ds (7) Christmas assembly this afternoon, his school won’t call it a play or a nativity for some reason. I’m determined to go as he’s worked so hard and has asd so wouldn’t understand if I didn’t come. I recently had surgery on my urethra and now have a catheter for a while which the catheter added to the pain from stitches in my urethra mean it’s really tough to get out and nearly impossible to sit anywhere comfortably except my recliner at home and due to the pain and exhaustion I can’t stand long.

She has been amazing he’s stayed off work and done Everything! He took ds to school this morning and asked ds teacher if it would be possible to find a softer chair maybe from the library or an office? “No we won’t do that”
would be possible to reserve me a seat, “no I’m not doing that”
So I have to try to either sit on a hard bench or try to stand for probably two hours! Bearing in mind it was mils birthday the other day and we went out for a meal where I sat on the comfiest chair we could find and only stayed long enough to eat and it was utter agony and I cried the whole way home.

I’m probably being over sensitive because everyone’s opinion is just don’t go.
But I’ve missed so much of Christmas with ds already and I just wanted this one thing to see him be an inkeeper because his autism means it’s been so horrible for him having me be in hospital and then not doing anything when im home either.

OP posts:
GretchenFranklin · 20/12/2018 00:44

You poor thing, I hope you get better soon. The teacher could have been kinder, I can't imagine my kids' school not finding a comfortable seat for you. (some are kindly, some are not, like anywhere, but I would know who to ask).

brizzledrizzle · 20/12/2018 01:17

Get there early if you can and take a cushion?
She could be more helpful but I wouldn't call her a bitch.

hmmwhatatodo · 20/12/2018 01:26

I also don’t believe that teachers just reply “no, we won’t be doing that” and “no, I’m not doing that.” I think her words have probably been slightly twisted there. I also find it hard to believe that she also ‘told you off’ really loudly in the playground. So many problems from just one teacher.

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MutedUser · 20/12/2018 01:33

Our school now has zero reserved seats apart from disabled ones and they had people telling porkies to get the best seats. Sad that the dishonest ones ruin it for everyone. Plus they let a mum who had just had a baby reserve a seat and next year eveyone was saying well I have just had a baby and it got a bit mental. I hope the play went well on a side note 2 hours . Ours was today and lasted 30 minutes

HoppingPavlova · 20/12/2018 01:57

I’m struggling to see what difference a ‘comfortable’ chair would have made to you as opposed to sitting on a chair with a big cushion. The cushion would have surely provided way more padding than whatever the most comfortable chair was the school possessed. I doubt they have really special ultra luxurious mega padded ones locked away in a cupboard somewhereConfused.

Also, it was pretty obvious to you that if you went you were going to be in a shitload of pain so why you didn’t take your heavy duty pain meds half an hour before the performance began as opposed to after you got home has me stumped. That’s not the way pain management works.

As to your comment that the teacher only said hello to you????? What did you want? I would think they were run manic with 30 odd little people in an extra excitable state, I think anyone would have been lucky to get a hello even, anything else is completely unreasonable.

As a mum to a child (now young adult) with ASD, in the primary years we were just thankful each teacher got through the year without a nervous breakdown, drinking problem or murder as they were ‘a trying child’ to put it mildly. Anything greater than this was a bonus. It does get better though, while still ‘trying’ it is now liveable (and even humerous at times) and they are doing a challenging uni course with good prospects overall so there is hope, just hard to see it when they are youngerGrin.

Punto1 · 20/12/2018 02:11

I've seen those viral videos on FB/youtube where schools go all out to accommodate Mums who are cancer patients for example. She could have made some effort. Hope you haven't caused yourself any damage, but glad you got to see him perform. It's a really special time and my favourite part of the school year.
My sister is a teacher and I know she would have gone the extra mile for someone like you. Some people really can't empathise unfortunately.

ChristmasintheSun · 20/12/2018 06:15

I'm glad you got to see your son perform and I hope you recover soon, it sounds horrendously painful.

As for his 1:1 support, if he has an EHCP then you ARE entitled to know how his funding is spent and it has to be shown on the annual review form in all of the local authorities I've worked in. If you are unhappy about the amount of funding or feel that his needs are not being met, take it up with the school's SENCo and the 'parent partnership' team or equivalent in your local authority. You can also consider a personal budget, where you have control over how the money is spent.

I appreciate though, that getting better and giving your DS a great Christmas are your priorities just now.

Original poster
YarnObsessor · 20/12/2018 09:55

There was a meet and greet after where all the parents got to see their children in costumes and the teachers had time to walk round and chat to the parents, she just avoided me totally.
I know what it’s like to work in a school right up to Christmas as I used to be a support worker in a special school, we still made sure everyone was going to be ok.
He doesn’t have an ehcp yet as school are dragging their heels and don’t want to do the extra work.

Honestly I’m not a complete cow and it had been mentioned to her in the two weeks before the play that I was determined to come and would be really uncomfortable so it wasn’t like we dropped it on her on her busiest day!

Ds had tears this morning because usually I go to all his plays and assemblies and things and they’re doing another performance today but I just can’t go, dh has had to go into work for a couple of hours and getting ds up and ready and to the door for a friend to take him to school has just about killed me!
I didn’t take the painkillers before because I was hoping in some hung-go fashion I’d be able to muddle through and not need them as I really don’t like taking them, they just basically knock me to sleep for a few hours then set my ibs off.

I’m off to lay on the sofa and watch shit Christmas films till dh gets home.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/12/2018 10:35

I doubt they get enough funding to fully cover 1-1 workout a ehc!

You can apply for that yourself if scjool aren’t

cosysock · 20/12/2018 11:41

My dgs’s teacher (he’s 8) has just recently resigned after having a melt down in class, mainly because of out of control kids. It must be so hard being a teacher these days. But i have every sympathy for you Op, hope you make a good recovery soon. Flowers

Delatron · 20/12/2018 11:48

I think that’s why calling the school office may have gone better. Or sending an email to them fully explaining the situation rather than catching a frazzled teacher on the hop.

JassyRadlett · 20/12/2018 12:34

But, seriously, end of term, teachers literally at their absolute end of sanity, they can’t be fucking about finding you a comfy chair/reserving you a chair on nativity day.

God, I’m glad the teachers at my kids’ school have managed to retain kindness and empathy despite having tough jobs. Both of which were on display at the nativity performances and elsewhere at end of term, particularly in the way they interacted with parents, some of whom aren’t having an easy time.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/12/2018 13:38

Worriedmummybekind
Schools can make special arrangements!

Yes they can but they need than being told at the last minute.

JacquesHammer · 20/12/2018 13:59

Yes they can but they need than being told at the last minute

The OP said she discussed it with the teacher a fortnight ago.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/12/2018 14:09

JacquesHammer

The OP said that her DH asked this morning

"He took ds to school this morning and asked ds teacher if it would be possible to find a softer chair maybe from the library or an office?"

JacquesHammer · 20/12/2018 14:17

Indeed. And then the OP said

it had been mentioned to her in the two weeks before the play that I was determined to come and would be really uncomfortable so it wasn’t like we dropped it on her on her busiest day!

Sirzy · 20/12/2018 14:19

But that comment didn’t make it clear that anything would help so didn’t give the teacher any form of heads up

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/12/2018 14:21

JacquesHammer

So more of a miss communication than the teacher being a bitch.

"determined to come" doesn't translate as will be there can you find me a comfy chair. It would also depend on how it was framed it that discussion.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 20/12/2018 14:24

If the school are providing a proportion of 1-1 support without an EHCP, then your child is probably getting the majority of the money that comes into school to support children before the specific provision provided via an EHCP. If there is ultimately an EHCP, there will be detail of how the support is to be provided and what the outcomes are expected to be.

It sounds as though the school is providing what it can without additional specific funding. If you aren’t satisfied, I would agree that making an application yourself for an EHCP is your next step when you feel well.

I’m sorry you are unwell and in pain, but I think what has happened is that you andthe school have gone into battle and are going to be at odds with one another.

JacquesHammer · 20/12/2018 14:27

So more of a miss communication than the teacher being a bitch

I never agreed the teacher was a bitch.

I was responding to your last minute comment. Even if it was last minute is isn’t hard to say either “of course” or “I’m afraid I can’t help but speak to the office”.

Basic kindness doesn’t need to take hours out of your day!

Holidayshopping · 20/12/2018 14:31

School gets plenty of extra funding to pay for 1–1 support for ds for the majority of the day

He doesn’t have an ehcp yet

These statements contradict each other. Where is this high level of funding coming from?

ragged · 20/12/2018 14:41

Two hours?! Wow, our school had a couple of yrs of (our own teacher written) nativity plays, and even those, with all 110 eligible kids, didn't seem to last more than 40 minutes. Normal class assemblies are 15-20 minutes. How does one get normal 7yos to concentrate for 2 hrs?

If only a hard chair available, I'd strategic sit on my foot to elevate the effected areas off of my delicate regions.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/12/2018 14:43

JacquesHammer
I was responding to your last minute comment. Even if it was last minute is isn’t hard to say either “of course” or “I’m afraid I can’t help but speak to the office”.

Basic kindness doesn’t need to take hours out of your day!

but this isn't what you posted, its entirely different to posting that the teacher was asked a fortnight ago.

Berniethefastestmilkwoman · 20/12/2018 14:47

You should not call any woman a bitch. You definitely should not call your son's teacher a bitch. If you have the type of attitude displayed in your OP people will not like it.

JacquesHammer · 20/12/2018 14:53

but this isn't what you posted, its entirely different to posting that the teacher was asked a fortnight ago

Ok.

So you said it was last minute, I pointed out what the OP said in a later post. The conversation then progressed as is normal!

Either way to clarify whenever the teacher was asked, she didn’t behave kindly. I wouldn’t call her a bitch.

I think that pretty much covers it!

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