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Original poster

What do you tell your child about how babies are made.

124 replies

DoubleLottchen · 12/12/2018 18:47

DD (7) was asking me "I don't understand how I am related to daddy".

Explained everything bar one crucial fact, which obviously she put her finger on straight away - "but I don't understand how it gets from daddy to inside you".

I feel she is too young to know that - am I being ridiculous? What do others say - I would like to keep it factual but child-friendly.

OP posts:

kateandme · 13/12/2018 16:55

what an interesting and helpful thread thankyou. broomstickoflove brilliant

user1466690252 · 13/12/2018 17:00

My ds knows the basics (he’s 6) but I’m dreading this convo in more detail.
He is my ex husbands son who has never met him and doesn’t want anything to do with him, dh has brought him up from 2 yrs old and is very much daddy. Ds knows that daddy wasn’t around when he was born, we celebrate the day they met with a special Father’s Day (the day daddy chose me we call it) and we talk about when him and I lived together in our old house before we met daddy.
It’s only a matter of time he realises it was another man that must have biologically fathered him and I have no idea where to go next. Do I tell him about exh or sex first?!

NotANotMan · 13/12/2018 17:13

oh my god, I am NEVER doing that, EVER'. grin.

My DS who is 10 is very keen to get to 16 when he's allowed to do it!! He told me he's worried that he won't know what to do and won't be good at it 🤦🏼‍♀️

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YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 13/12/2018 17:16

My DS who is 10 is very keen to get to 16 when he's allowed to do it!! He told me he's worried that he won't know what to do and won't be good at it*

What did I just read? How odd?!

NotANotMan · 13/12/2018 17:32

Not really! He's just had sex education and he knows that sex under 16 is illegal. He asked me if he can have sex when he's 16 and I said 16 or older, and only when he finds a nice person who wants to have sex with him. He asked me how he will know what to do and worried he would be bad at it. Why is that odd? Did you not have conversations like that with your friends in year 6?

YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 13/12/2018 17:35

I have sons, 2 of them older than yours. I am quite scientific and honest about 'how babies are made' but I don't necessarily pose it as something that I want them to look forward to doing. Keep something back for innocence's sake.

I think it's a little strange that your 10yeaf old is looking forward to having sex and worries about his potential performance.

Elledouble · 13/12/2018 17:49

The Usborne ‘How Your Body Works’ is very good - I had it when I was a child (in fact, I was an early reader and worked the full business out at the age of about 4, and told all my friends much to my parents’ chagrin).

NotANotMan · 13/12/2018 17:54

🤷🏼‍♀️ he's curious about sex and if he brings it up I answer him openly. I don't see anything wrong with that.

YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 13/12/2018 18:00

Did you not have conversations like that with your friends in year 6?

To answer that question, no, I didn't. Boys chased us around the playground, we played with skipping ropes and played clapsies with silly made up rhymes. We idolised our friends cool older sisters that were in secondary school and planned how we were going to do our hair for the school disco.
I wasn't concerned with intercourse and didn't discuss how and when I was going to do it.

I would be mortified if my son in Year 6 was having those discussions. I'm happy, for now, that he's mildly repulsed with how babies are made.

Stormwhale · 13/12/2018 18:13

I'm pregnant and I thought 5yo dd would be asking about all this, but she isn't. She hasn't asked anything about how the baby got into my tummy. She knows how they come out, but hasn't asked anything else. Should I instigate the conversation or leave it until she asks? I don't want her to get the wrong answers from other children and would rather we could talk about it.

ChrisTheCat · 13/12/2018 19:00

@Bottomplasters way to name change! That has completely cracked me up 😆

ChrisTheCat · 13/12/2018 19:02

And I still can't work it out ... is it mean to be a tampon? I mean she's not sticking sanitary towels directly to her bottom right?! I'm so confused.

Believeitornot · 13/12/2018 20:43

DS 7 has been asking since about 4. We had IVF so have always explained that process. Mummy's egg and Daddy's seed is mixed together then clever doctors check the eggs to make sure they are developing

While that’s fine for his particular conception, you’ll surely need to tell him how most babies are conceived and about sex more generally.... otherwise he’ll be picking up nonsense on the playground!

RuthNemzoff123 · 13/12/2018 20:43

How about telling the truth? The story of how babies are born is no stranger to how clouds are made or how rain is made. Just tell the facts.

Didyeeaye · 13/12/2018 20:44

My DS is 4yo so I've only given a very brief "I grew you in my tummy after daddy and I decided to have a baby together" he didn't ask me to elaborate.
I gave my 8 yo niece on the other hand a far more detailed explanation after she asked me what my tampons were.
I explained ovulation, menstation and how sex may get a woman pregnant. She took it all in her stride and at 12 years old wants to be a midwife lol

Tinyteatime · 13/12/2018 21:17

I think bottom plasters might become legendary. I had absolutely no idea what that was getting at either, At first I thought it might be a description of a condom!

Kittykat93 · 13/12/2018 21:19

@Tinyteatime

Nah that would be a willy plaster of course

AnotherPidgey · 13/12/2018 23:07

I think we've covered most of it gradually over the years apart from the question about how daddy's seeds (sperm) get to mummy's eggs. We've come close but not quite that far. Oldest is y3.

He's asked questions about willies going hard "is there a bone in there" and I've told him about blood rushing around his body as he wakes up. He's also asked about why he has balls and been told they are testicles where seeds (sperm) are made.

I've frequently been gate crashed while using a mooncup or pads. I was asked if my insides were falling out by my younger DS. They do know that when mummy's eggs don't become babies, they come out with their nest of blood and mummy has to catch it in a cup or pad.

I have used the description "baby-hole" which is very close to where mummy wees from because I felt it was a concrete description that was easy to understand for a child with different body parts. I have gradually introduced more anatomical language alongside the more basic descriptions that we started with. We generally talk about willies but the word penis has been introduced.

explodingkitten · 14/12/2018 16:01

*@RaspberryRipple1963
*
explodingkitten. I thought a male horse was called a stallion,not a stag?!

My apologies, English isn't my first language.

Ideatcakeforbreakfast · 15/12/2018 23:21

**Bottom plasters definitely confused me! I'm quite relieved to hear about other toddlers being keen to gate crash mums changing their sanitary wear. My DS 3 won't ever let me go to the look by myself and has had many explanations about how the blood in my pad is because I'm on my period and that mummy hasn't pooed her pants (which he kept thinking for a while!). He's not wanted to know more than this at the moment luckily!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/12/2018 00:13

'Mummy Laid An Egg' is brilliant.

Fireflybaby · 16/12/2018 09:10

What's period got to do with Bottoms and plasters? 🙄

MachineBee · 16/12/2018 09:17

My DD1 starting asking questions aged 3 when her Aunty was pregnant and I just answered the question she asked as factually as possible. We have never used baby names for body parts so it was fairly easy. A few months after my DNeice was born she stopped asking so many questions.

I did it that way as I learned the ‘facts of life’ from accidentally watching a schools education programme when off school sick when I was 7. The hour has changed and I was expecting to see Watch with Mother! Mum realised what I was watching and just answered all my very detailed questions factually without blushing or flinching. I wanted to do the same for my DCs as it really helped me learn about it all before my adolescent hormones kicked in. And I started my periods at 10.

I did wonder why my DD2 hadn’t asked many questions and then one day overheard her asking her DSis. DD1 repeated what I’d told her almost word for word.

This is another reason to be absolutely straight with your DC when they ask about how life happens. You never know who they’ll tell after that.

bonbonours · 16/12/2018 09:40

While I totally agree that telling the truth in a matter of fact way is the way forward, I don't see anything wrong in starting with 'special cuddle' when they are little. Sex really is an extension of a cuddle, and at least it makes it clear that it is (hopefully) a loving thing rather than some complicated procedure you have to go to the doctors for as some kids end up thinking. Hopefully, sex does involve embracing and kissing which are expressions of love children are already familiar with.

We started with 'special cuddle' when they were very little, and moved on to explain more about what the special cuddle involved later on. My 8 year old has been told it all now and has a book about it but sometimes likes to check facts again with me. So much better to be an ongoing conversation rather than one big reveal 'the sex talk'.

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