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Original poster

What do you tell your child about how babies are made.

124 replies

DoubleLottchen · 12/12/2018 18:47

DD (7) was asking me "I don't understand how I am related to daddy".

Explained everything bar one crucial fact, which obviously she put her finger on straight away - "but I don't understand how it gets from daddy to inside you".

I feel she is too young to know that - am I being ridiculous? What do others say - I would like to keep it factual but child-friendly.

OP posts:
BlackeyedGruesome · 12/12/2018 22:45

If you have told them other anatomical things then it will not be too difficult to add the last bit of information. They are quite matter of fact about it if they are told youngish and it is not so embarrassing if they find out later.

llangennith · 12/12/2018 23:43

DD1 had to know how babies got there etc when she was almost 6 and I had one baby and was expecting another. Fortunately an equally precocious friend of hers wanted all the details too so friend's mother bought a book and told them both. Phew!
Younger 2 DC never asked and must've found out from school friends. I assume that as they now all have DC of their own.

HildaZelda · 12/12/2018 23:58

BOTTOM PLASTERS!!!!

Bloody hell ShockShockShock

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ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 12/12/2018 23:59

As others have said, just tell the truth in an age appropriate way- don’t use fact euphemisms or say “bottom” when you aren’t actually talking about the arse! My DD first asked aged 2 when she saw me having a period, so that was the opening conversation. Then I had another baby, so there were more details added. My mum always had the philosophy of answering any questions about anything simply and honestly, and so I have done the same. Another vote for the Claire Rayner book, my girls have my old copy.

Re the bottom thing though, DD1 did however, once hilariously shout out in Tesco at the sanitary protection aisle to my husband “Daddy, you’d better get some of those things for mummy’s bum!”

AviatorShades · 13/12/2018 00:30

The summer we looked after a friend's bitch for a month which promptly came on heat (much to our dog's delight, which prompted our cleaner to say, in translation, that he thought he'd discovered AmericaGrin ), plus our male tortoise making out non-stop with a much larger female one (another temporary lodger), was the Summer of Love at our house.6yr old DS learned all that he needed to know about the mechanics of how males and females procreateGrin
So from dogs,cats and tortoises,it was easy to move on to talking about mums and dads. I told him about periods and the use of Tampax, which I heard him relate to a girl friend of his. He pointed to the box in the bathroom and said "do you know what those are for?" and then tried to explain, ending up with "well, it's like this.When I see that box I know I'm not going to have a brother or sister this month"Grin

SlowlyShrinking · 13/12/2018 00:38

The child of bottom plasters woman will grow up thinking she has to remain constantly pregnant if she wants to avoid a sore bottom Confused

NotCitrus · 13/12/2018 00:56

I've coped fine answering questions including the penis-into-vagina bit and explaining periods as body grows a cushion each month in case a baby starts to grow, but when it's not needed it comes off and falls out the vagina so it's not really blood (dd: why can't it be a different colour?)

What I'm struggling with is soon ill have to clarify that people also have sex for fun, without setting up expectations - ds has ASD and frets over what he thinks he's supposed to do. Though I'll concentrate on teaching washing first...

doublethink · 13/12/2018 01:03

I told my ds everything he wanted to know when he was seven or eight. I'm so glad that I did - way better for them to be told everything clearly and with no shame when they are young and before embarrassment kicks in. My dd hasn't asked yet and so she knows about sperm and eggs, but I haven't explained the mechanics of how they meet. I do probably need to do that soon.

When I described sex to my ds for the first time I was very conscious of telling him that it feels good and is fun. I wanted his first thoughts about sex to be positive. I also sometimes use language of 'the woman puts her vagina around the man's penis' so that it isn't always 'the man puts his penis into the woman's gains' which can sound passive on the woman's side.

PeachMelba78 · 13/12/2018 04:51

I am a host surrogate at the moment and ended up explaining embryo transfer to my children! It’s not difficult, be factual but simple, keep it short and then allow them to ask questions.
I met a woman recently who told her 10 year old that babies were born from belly buttons - that just seems confusing and potentially embarrassing for them if they repeat that ‘fact’ at school etc.

NotANotMan · 13/12/2018 06:22

Bottom plasters Hmm for fuck sake
This is the sort of twee, inaccurate shit that makes children stop trusting their parents when they get old enough to realise it's bollocks.
If you start saying things like 'bottom plasters' and the seed 'falls out' of the willy (?) then you just have to correct yourself later or accept that they will stop asking you because they know you are talking rubbish. So don't do it fgs

GinIsIn · 13/12/2018 06:38

Bottom plasters?! Fucks sake @YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine - you have a daughter. I’m really sorry to criticise your parenting but seriously you have to do better than that!

If a thread full of grown women with their own children can’t understand what the hell you are on about, then how messed up is your poor DD going to be?!

Camsie30 · 13/12/2018 06:43

I'm a solo parent and had my daughter (and soon to be son) using a sperm donor and iui/IVF. My daughter is nearly four and understands that to make a baby you need a seed from a man and an egg from a woman, and in our case that the doctor mixed them together and put them in mummy's tummy to see if a baby would grow...

WisdomOfCrowds · 13/12/2018 14:18

They'd be too young for your daughter OP and they don't deal with the PIV issue, but for anyone with a toddler Usborne do a where do babies come from lift the flap book which was perfect for my 2 year old when I was pregnant. There's also a book called "amazing you: getting smart about your body parts" which is great for introducing reproductive anatomy to young children.

YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 13/12/2018 14:30

Mummies bottoms get a bit sore when they don't have a baby in their belly and might need bottom plasters*

What the shit does this mean? My bottom doesn't hurt, baby or no baby. I read this to mean something else entirely- would love clarification.
@YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine???

theworldistoosmall · 13/12/2018 15:00

My arse does hurt though during menstruation. However, I have Adenomyosis. But of course, it's not a typical symptom of a period and I wouldn't use it as an explanation for a child lol.

Instead, pain associated with menstruating would include the typical uterine cramps and pelvic pain. Although think mine would have been around 8 or 9 when the actual painful side of periods was discussed and they started to realise every month I was in absolute agony.

SlowlyShrinking · 13/12/2018 15:07

theworldistoosmall have you tried a bottom plaster? Apparently they’re a thing Wink

theworldistoosmall · 13/12/2018 15:29

SlowlyShrinking - yes I have. Didn't work though and still had a pain in the arse. But come to think of it, when I was pregnant I still had a pain in the ass.
Maybe I'm really faulty.

AviatorShades · 13/12/2018 15:34

I can still remember being confused by 'seed' from the penisShock. Like...seeds like in the packet of seeds from Unwins we've got in the garden shed?Confused

And even now I think it's a weird word to use cos I've still got visions of a bloke shooting teensy tiny pelletsGrin

LastOneDancing · 13/12/2018 15:49

I think eggnog has got the message. No need for the massive pile on.

In the light of my mother's excellent approach of telling me absolutely nothing I try to be open & factual when my 4yo asks questions - I wait for him to be shocked, but he never is! I guess that's why it's best to tell them young, nobody needs their first thoughts about sex to be 'Horror!'

I will admit to using Foof though. Hang me MN jury.

RaspberryRipple1963 · 13/12/2018 16:17

Bottom plasters! Grin OMFG I've heard it all now!
explodingkitten. I thought a male horse was called a stallion,not a stag?!

Loyaultemelie · 13/12/2018 16:26

Well I suppose javelin arse can be problematic at times.
I'm slightly worried Dd1 has never actually asked these questions (now 8.5) we have tried steering her onto the subject when she has mentioned someone or something being pregnant but she is not remotely interested. Possibly given the number of lambs,kittens, chicks etc she sees (farm) it's just blindingly obvious but still...

macnab · 13/12/2018 16:38

I have a similar 'problem' Loyaultemelie our kids (10 and 8) both know body parts (both their own and the opposite sex) and how babies come out, and we're fairly open with each other - certainly neither of them are bothered by nakedness especially DS who likes to run around upstairs with it all hanging out at almost 11 Hmm but neither of them have ever asked about how the baby got in there in the first place so I've not told them. I don't mind doing it, but I'd rather it was in response to a question. I wonder if I should just bite the bullet, bring it up myself and explain? That sort of goes against how I normally deal with them though. What do the rest of you think?

NoSayWhatNow · 13/12/2018 16:42

Some really cool doctors took a bit from Dad and a bit from Mum, mixed them together and put them in Mums tummy.

IVF and C-sections are so much easier to explain.

PottyPotterer · 13/12/2018 16:43

No wonder the teen pregnancy rate is so high, just be factual people. It's basic biology, no need to dress it up in fluffy language. My son has known all about periods, how babies are made etc from toddlerhood, although he did once ask aged 3 what the man's sperm tasted like, out loud at nursery Blush. Now at 10 he also knows all about pms and the menopause too. Ime they do forget stuff though, DS has just had sex education this term and came home saying 'doesn't the sperm just make a mess everywhere when it comes out?', I reminded him that the penis goes into the vagina to which he replied dramatically 'oh my god, I am NEVER doing that, EVER'. Grin.

MincePieMum · 13/12/2018 16:45

DS 7 has been asking since about 4. We had IVF so have always explained that process. Mummy's egg and Daddy's seed is mixed together then clever doctors check the eggs to make sure they are developing.

2 fertilised eggs with the very beginnings of a baby are put back in to mummy's tummy. Then fingers crossed.

It didn't work at all the first time but we kept trying until we got you. When you we're ready to come out, another set of clever doctors cut mummy's tummy to get you out.

We get asked to tell him again but no more complex questions really. He'll ask How much did you really want a baby? Were you really sad before you got me? Was I happy to get you as my Mummy? All lovely questions and nothing awkward at all.