I’ve been offered a housing association flat, don’t know what to do?

[RosieRoo4]

I’m in a bit of a dilemma so I will get straight to the point, disabled DS (quite severely disabled, he receives higher rate DLA and mobility) and I are currently living in a privately rented 2 bed house with very expensive electric heating, rent is £875.00 a month of which I receive £680.00 in housing benefit, I make the rest up myself.

I have been bidding on social housing properties since March, I received a phone call yesterday from a housing association offering me a flat in a city about 12 miles away from where I live now. I jumped in the car and drove into the city to have a look at the outside, it’s on quite a notorious estate, first impressions were not good, yes there was an overturned shopping trolley in the communial garden and various other things that make up a typical deprived area.

The flat is vacant so I looked through the windows, it’s been gutted, no flooring etc. The flat is nice enough, I liked what I could see, the front door looks very secure.

The huge communal recycling bins were overflowing with beer cans and bottles. A few of the other flats don’t look desirable, blankets and towels used as curtains etc.

I really don’t know what to do.

Should I accept because of the cheaper rent (£402.00) and the fact that it’s half a mile away from my DS’s special needs school? I currently have to get him up at 5.45am to have him ready for school transport at 7.15am, he often isn’t home until 4.30pm, it’s a very long day for him.
I’m concerned about him being ridiculed by the other children on the estate, he would be oblivious but it would cut me like a knife. I have until Monday to decide, if I accept then it would be sign up Monday and move ASAP. My current letting agent has spoken to my landlord and he is willing to let me out of my tenancy 2 months early without penalties.

All my family and friends live in the small town where I currently live, I grew up here, everybody knows my DS, he’s safe here. I know nobody in the city.
I really don’t know what to do. It would mean moving literally days before Christmas to a flat with no flooring, I have little furniture because my house was let to me furnished and I have been there for years.

I honestly didn’t think I would be offered anywhere as we are adequately housed, I bidded on the flat several months ago which means quite a few people have viewed and refused before it was offered to me.

Mumsnetters, what would you do?

I live in HA and the area is meant to be rough but I've never had a problem I feel safer then my last flat which was private and in a nicer area.

My sister lived on a notorious street and she never had any trouble. If you google the street name in google news you can see the latest crimes.

don't do it.

Being isolated on a rough estate is hell.

I was brought up on a rough council estate and was bullied mercilessly for years, it was horrendous.

I now live in another council estate and its lovely, and my sister lives in another lovely one.

Wait for another offer.

I wouldn't. It is very hard to escape bad estates once you are stuck in them. I'd hold out for another property.

Morning everybody. Thank you for all your replies, so many mixed ones!
I’m feeling positive this morning and thinking that I will accept it, I’ve never taken a risk in my life so maybe it’s time to take one.
I will give it a year and if it’s horrendous I will move back to private rented as soon as my starter tenancy is up or if nobody wanted to exchange with me.
I don’t know if I’m still allowed to bid on other properties if I accept this one, I will ask my housing officer.
The thought of decorating or putting down flooring doesn’t bother me at all, it’s actually very appealing as we have been in private rented for years unable to change colour schemes etc.
I will be taking my parents to have a look later, there’s a parade of shops opposite the estate so if I feel it’s appropriate I will ask a shopkeeper about the area.
My parents and DP would be 12 miles away. Adult DD would be 9 miles away.
I’m a friendly, outgoing person so I’m sure that I would soon be on talking terms with a few neighbours.
Joboy - I will be DS’s carer for as long as I’m able to, I’m sure one day he will have to go into residential care but that’s in the distant future. As I said in a previous post I did return to work, employers are only sympathetic for so long when you have to take time off at very short notice due to emergency hospital dashes and you can’t give them an answer when you will be back at your desk. My life before DS was very different, I was a home owner with a good job and a DH, DH bailed when DS was 2, he couldn’t cope. I used to carry guilt at living on benefits but I don’t anymore. Also DS needs a home/school diary as he’s non verbal and can’t tell me about his day, most other children can.
I would be taking him to school and picking him up myself so I would have a huge amount of interaction with the school, they are very friendly and welcome parents into the classroom. It’s a very relaxed school.

@RosieRoo4 just wanted to wish you well, sincerely hope if you move you & Ds will be very happy💐

I would be taking him to school and picking him up myself so I would have a huge amount of interaction with the school, they are very friendly and welcome parents into the classroom. It’s a very relaxed school.

Maybe this could end up in a career opportunity for you? If you could volunteer as a parent helper no idea if this is possible in special schools, but I would assume so you would be somewhere that they understand that you have to have time off for appointments/emergencies etc. You could possibly do some training and end up working in the school.

This may give you something else to do whilst it is too difficult to get a job in normal circumstances.

I think you've made the right choice. I would accept the property and swap later on just to get a foot in the HA door. It might take longer as the notoriety may put people off but would happen eventually. In the meantime, you have cheaper rent and you're nearer to school. Both priorities of mine so I can see why that's appealing.

I’d not move..your support is worth everything
If you’re landlord is so good why not see if he’s willing to reduce the rent by £50 a month
I would for a good tenant
I have a good tenant it she dicks me around with the rent but if she came to me with genuine hardship I would reduce her rent but then I’m not in it for the money.

Hope it goes well Rosie
Just read your update

Ask for the HA policy on transfers and swaps. Assuming they are a fair sized organisation you probably would not need to swap as such, you can apply for a transfer within the organisation's stock.

dontcallmelon - thank you!

Tinty - the same thing has crossed my mind many times, I'd love to be a TA but have zero experience in that field, my only experience with SN is with DS. I know that I can involve myself immensely with school, they are always asking for helpers for various activities. Retraining and working in a SN school would be amazing as I'm sure they would be far more understanding about short notice absence.

I understand that my housing association are a large organisation so I will bear it in mind about exchanging with them, thank you, I hadn't thought of that.

Dowser - I'm already paying cheaper rent that most for a 2 bed in my town, rents are around £925-950.00, it's very expensive! My landlord is good, repairs have been done quickly, he went out of his way to have the boiler repaired very quickly last winter. I'm not in financial hardship so I wouldn't ask for a reduction. Thank you for your good wishes

I asked my Ds's transport driver about the area this morning (his taxi service supplies transport for the council) he knows the area well and said that he's not heard of too many problems. My parents are not too keen but I expected that, the estate was quiet and looking a bit shabby, I went into the bakers and a mini supermarket, both were friendly and helpful. Looks like I've got a very busy weekend packing.

Best of luck with the move; I think it will be absolutely brilliant for you to have more time with your DS, and don’t underestimate the value of a lie in either! Not having previous experience is not necessarily a problem for TA work, perhaps you could do a relevant Open Uni course at home while DS is at school?

Hello, OP - I actually just signed up to MN, after lurking for years, so I could reply to your post.

I really wouldn't take the first, rough, place you're offered. You're not being a snob if you don't want to live on a "notorious" estate -- you're in a vulnerable situation, living alone with your DS.

I'd ignore the views of one taxi driver and the fact that your local shop seemed OK. Your taxi driver isn't living there, and you won't be spending your days in the shop. Go with your own first impressions (re-read your original post), your parents' opinions, your DP's opinion, and the fact that everyone else refused this flat.

I moved a few years ago, about 17 miles. I have two DS and a partner. It's been really hard. I left my friends and I haven't managed to make new ones here. I'd happily spend all my days back with my old friends!

We also bought a house on a council estate and it hasn't been terrible but it hasn't been great. If I could re-do this decision, I'd definitely stay where I was.

The thing is, you never realise how happy you are until you make a big change like this, and then it's too late. You'll be stuck there for years -- remember, everyone else turned this flat down. Why will that be different when you decide to leave? The bins and towel-curtains will still be there.

I really wouldn't. There's a time to grab life by the horns and take a risk, but moving you and your disabled DS to a rough estate isn't a fun risk, it's a real risk, and I can't see why you'd do it. This can't be the only property close to your DS's school. Please wait for another one.

And if your DS is already a teenager, how long will he be attending this school? It can't be more than a few years now. Three at the most?

She won’t be “stuck there for years” though. She is going to give it one year and then move back into private rental if it doesn’t work out. Seems sensible to me.

And if the lad is 13 he could be at that school until he is 19, so 6 years.

One last, depressing point -- we bought this house. Our view was, if we didn't like it or things didn't work out, we could just sell it again and move on. We wanted to move a couple of years ago so we put it on the market: 20 viewings, and not a single offer. Not one! Not even a cheeky offer! I'm terrified we're well and truly stuck, and our lives are sailing past us, and we'll never live anywhere nice.

She is going to give it one year and then move back into private rental if it doesn’t work out. Seems sensible to me.

Seems pointless to me - all that expensive upheaval, and losing her existing, lovely, bargain of a flat with a lovely landlord, for what?

Oh please don’t do this OP.
The taxi driver says he’s not heard ‘too many problems’ which means he has heard of some.

Also you if have a nice landlord and cheaper than market rate rent now I would stay put and wait for the next one to come up.

You’re vulnerable being a single mam with a disabled child and you could be easy pickings for bored youths.
Trust your instincts!

If you can refuse this and keep bidding then that's what I would do.

There is no stability with private renting. It doesn't matter how great the landlord is, if they decide they want the property back, then you're out. I'm as secure as you can be in private rental but I would be mad to turn down a HA property. The location would be a concern but not necessarily a deal breaker.

Of course the location is a dealbreaker.
Not all council estates are equal. Some are perfectly lovely and some are horrendous.
Being away from your family alone in a house with your disabled son and having youths banging on your windows at all hours or shouting up at your windows because they think it’s funny is a horrible way to live.
And if you find yourself in that situation the police can’t really do anything.

OP, everyone who loves you and your DS thinks this is a bad idea.

You have three more council bids; don't feel under any obligation to choose this one. Especially if your only escape will be to swap; this is clearly an incredibly undesirable property, which will make swapping extremely difficult.

Hello and thank you for all your replies, my brain is in an absolute muddle.

My DS leaves school in 6 years when he’s 19, beyond that I haven’t really thought about yet, it will probably be day centres etc for him.

I keep swaying between absolute confidence that it will all be ok if we move to swinging the other way and thinking this could be the biggest mistake of my life. I feel quite teary at the thought of DS losing the little independence that he does have where we live now. My DD is doing a drive by after she finishes work today.

Yes, I can refuse this flat and continue bidding, I can refuse 3 before I’m struck off.

If I move I would spend the bare minimum to make it habitable, cheap carpet etc.

DS is an easy target for bullying but there would be zero chance of this happening because he wouldn’t be able to play outside with other children, he has zero road sense and a stranger would only have to hold their hand out for DS to take it and go with them. I am somewhat of a softie so don’t cope too well when I do overhear comments about him and there has been a few over the years!

Caroloftheballs - I am definitely going to look into Open University courses, I would love to find suitable employment.

MollysLips - I’m so sorry about your situation, I can understand your frustration a little, my uncle and his wife brought a ‘quirky’ property in Cornwall, it’s been on the market for nearly 5 years, it’s too ‘quirky’ to sell. I hope you can sell up and get out soon you are right in everything you say, I have good friends where I live now, some I’ve been friends with for 30 years and DS is accepted by all. Good friends are worth their weight in gold. I haven’t told anybody apart from my family yet.

DP is adamant I shouldn’t accept. DS and I are having dinner with my parents later so I will discuss it further with them.

Thank you, I do feel very self indulgent talking about myself and what I see as a problem so much, I realise I am in a lucky position, I already have a home and have been offered social housing.

Rosie I feel for you, it’s a huge decision I would have a couple of drivebys & talk to local shops etc if you can, that may help but the other really good thing is that you still have two offers left should you refuse this one, I would also ask the housing officer if they have an idea of timescale if you keep bidding on maybe more popular locations/properties as you are in a lower band.
Also you are not self indulgent in any way, as I said it’s a huge decision.