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Original poster

How do you manage stranger danger vs asking for help if your child DID get lost?

52 replies

BiscuitofChoice · 06/12/2018 17:45

Bit freaked out- was picking DD up from choir and it was busier than normal because they do an open dress rehearsal.

As we were leaving the school, a wee one had obviously got separated from his Mum and was wandering right out Shock

Obviously I stopped and took him back in, but I could have been anyone and the wee soul was so trusting.

It's never been something I've thought about with mine, because tbh I've always just hammered home 'DO NOT GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT ME' but accidents happen plus my DC are getting a bit older now and I'd like them to go to the shop etc.

My dad used to always tell me to sit in a train carriage with a woman or ask a mum with children, which obviously isn't great advice really!

OP posts:
Bowchicawowow · 06/12/2018 17:47

Go into a shop and tell the shop assistant what has happened.

ChesterCake · 06/12/2018 17:47

I’ve always taught my children to find a mum with children, or if at school go straight back to their classroom if they lose me. It’s probabky a but OTT but we sometimes use wrist bands with mine and my husbands phone numbers if we are going somewhere very busy like the carnival or beach incase we get separated.

Usually in a busy place we talk when we get their and decide on a very close meeting point if we get lost such as under the red flag!

CommunistLegoBloc · 06/12/2018 17:51

‘Ask a lady with children / go into a shop / ask a police officer.’

Some people write their phone number in the label of their children’s clothes and teach them to tell the above person that it’s there. Probably not on every item but on coats or shoes that are likely to be worn on most outings.

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Happygolucky009 · 06/12/2018 17:57

I talked about not going off with anyone without clearing it with me or dad first, we talked about how tricky people can be and to look for people in certain uniforms (police/fire/ambulance) if none around said go look for someone working and finally a lady with a pushchair!

We taught the kids my mobile number in case of emergency and whilst I have had plenty of calls, no emergencies luckily !

ScarlettDarling · 06/12/2018 17:57

I taught my own dc, and the children I teach, about 'safer strangers', basically a person wearing a shop uniform, police officer, a woman with children.

I think your dad's advice was pretty good actually... statistically speaking you'd be a hell of a lot safer asking a woman with children for help than asking a man. Most attacks/ abductions are carried out by men so I'd prefer my dc to ask a woman for help.

Elfinablender · 06/12/2018 18:00

ask a mum with children, which obviously isn't great advice really!

No, it's pretty good advice. It's not the pc NAMALT advice, but just sound advice based on statistics.

Lovelydovey · 06/12/2018 18:00

I’ve taught my children that they can talk to strangers (indeed I think it is safer to make polite conversation than to ignore people who might get angry at being annoyed) but not to go with them. If lost they should seek someone in uniform or with children for help.

StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2018 18:02

If we go somewhere busy I talk through it with them. So if we're in a shopping centre go to the nearest shop an dtalk to the person on the till. Otherwise a family with children.

Iknowthatguy · 06/12/2018 18:04

My dad used to always tell me to sit in a train carriage with a woman or ask a mum with children, which obviously isn't great advice really!

It's actually very good advice. The chances of a women (especially mum with children) harming a child are vanishingly slim. I was always told; police officer, mum or another woman. Advice that is still good these days.

Iknowthatguy · 06/12/2018 18:06

Also many men aren't comfortable talking to children they don't know so a woman is more likely to help anyway.

StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2018 18:06

I suspect a man with his own children who is approached is also low risk. I usually say a family so one can stay with the child where they are and one can go off to find help

formerbabe · 06/12/2018 18:08

I always tell my dc if they're lost and there's no one official to ask for help then they should find a woman with children.

StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2018 18:08

Yes men may be less comfortable being asked.

Original poster
BiscuitofChoice · 06/12/2018 18:08

I taught my own dc, and the children I teach, about 'safer strangers', basically a person wearing a shop uniform, police officer, a woman with children.

I like that wording, I'm going to use that. I think I'm also going to see if I can get nametapes with our phone numbers.

My dad would be delighted that he's right!

OP posts:
Iknowthatguy · 06/12/2018 18:10

@StealthPolarBear you're right dads probably are low risk too. My DH isn't very comfortable talking to strange children but I'm sure he would try to help if he could. I do think he'd be worried to take them by the hand to take them somewhere though, whereas I wouldn't think twice about it.

StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2018 18:12

I wouldn't take them anywhere. I'd stay where I was with them and then call or ask for someone else to help. But agree men probably would be more reluctant understabdably

Sethis · 06/12/2018 18:12

Ask anyone you like, provided you remain in a public place with many other people, and never follow anyone anywhere. If they try to make you move, scream "This person isn't my parent and I don't want to go with them".

Every single adult in the world (and most people over the age of 8) have a mobile phone. There is never a reason to "go to a phone" any more.

As stated women with children are probably safest, but you shouldn't teach your child to avoid men either.

StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2018 18:14

Safe adult also wouldn't try to lead a child anywhere, even innconetly. They must know most children are told not to go with strangers.

BertrandRussell · 06/12/2018 18:16

Stranger danger is the worst campaign ever!

Tell them to ask a mum with children, go into a shop and ask the person behind the counter. Or tell them to stand sill and wait to be found. The important thing is not going off with anybody. Talking to people is fine.

Original poster
BiscuitofChoice · 06/12/2018 18:19

Well I led the child back into school tonight, that's what panicked me!

OP posts:
ButteryParsnips · 06/12/2018 18:21

I've taught DC to go to someone in uniform, preferably a police officer or someone working in a shop, and ask them to ring me. They've learned my mobile number. I've also said they should then stay where they are, and I'll come and get them.

Onemorefireball · 06/12/2018 18:35

We say ask someone in uniform/working I.e. in a shop or near a shop go to someone who works there. If no one like that around then ask an adult who has children with them. I don't specify a mum, just someone with children.

user1499173618 · 06/12/2018 18:38

When I had a small DC, other DC/teens/old ladies would ask me for directions/help much more than they do now. There is definitely something that is reassuring about a mother with young DC.

Bobbiepin · 06/12/2018 18:39

I read somewhere that if you lose your children in a busy place you're better off shouting out what they look like and what they are wearing instead of their name (e.g. my 5 year old blonde boy wearing a red coat) and other people will notice them and if they are being led off by a stranger they become very risky to take.

blueskiesandforests · 06/12/2018 18:50

DD got lost when she was 7.

We were in Italy staying on a camp site and she went for a bike ride to the next town with DH while I stayed on site with her little brothers.

On the way home DH was riding on the road next to DD on the pavement. At some point there was a hedge separating road and pavement but they assumed they were still riding next to one another. DH reached the end of the hedge and waited - no DD.

He waited a few minutes then headed back, pushing his bike on the pavement, to discover that the pavement had headed off towards the lake, and the hedge had forked so DD probably didn't realise. He got to the lake - still no DD.

Phoned me in a panic. They'd been split up 15 minutes or so by then. Agreed he'd search another 15 minutes and I'd stay put incase she turned up, then call police.

The 15 minutes were almost up when little dd came pedalling for all she was worth, up to the terrace of the caravan and burst into tears.

I was so proud of her - when she realised she was lost she'd sat and waited but thought DH must be looking in the wrong place and wouldn't find her, so she'd looked for a lady with children, wearing the arm band for our campsite. She'd waited til she found someone matching her criteria, then asked her which way the campsite was and followed the directions.

I was very impressed. She's still pretty resourceful.