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Original poster

How do you manage stranger danger vs asking for help if your child DID get lost?

52 replies

BiscuitofChoice · 06/12/2018 17:45

Bit freaked out- was picking DD up from choir and it was busier than normal because they do an open dress rehearsal.

As we were leaving the school, a wee one had obviously got separated from his Mum and was wandering right out Shock

Obviously I stopped and took him back in, but I could have been anyone and the wee soul was so trusting.

It's never been something I've thought about with mine, because tbh I've always just hammered home 'DO NOT GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT ME' but accidents happen plus my DC are getting a bit older now and I'd like them to go to the shop etc.

My dad used to always tell me to sit in a train carriage with a woman or ask a mum with children, which obviously isn't great advice really!

OP posts:
EvaHarknessRose · 06/12/2018 19:00

I’m also really specific, like ‘you could go into that cafe we know, or the library etc etc so I know it is somewhere they would recognise and might know the staff, or if near home but locked out ‘you could go to x neighbour or y neighbour or that nice lady in the corner who has the dogs. Or if near school you could go to your friend x’s house.

cloudtree · 06/12/2018 19:03

I always told them a lady with children. I was reassured when the police officer who came into school said the same thing.

LauraPalmersBodybag · 06/12/2018 19:36

Someone else mentioned the ‘tricky people’ guidelines earlier, I think that’s a pretty sensible approach. In summary, it says that an adult you know or a stranger can be a tricky person, and it teaches children that they should follow certain rules to stay safe. A tricky person might encourage them to break those rules - ie, going somewhere with them without Mum or Dad knowing. It’s a bit American and bit fear-mongery, but I think at heart it’s sensible.

www.kidspot.com.au/health/family-health/safety/the-tricky-people-lesson-you-need-to-teach-your-kids/news-story/36dd4010c5f49a893948561e493f02fc

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Families
DrCoconut · 06/12/2018 21:02

We got separated from then 6yo DS2 on a beach. It happened so quickly. ExH stayed with the stuff in case he came back and I went to lost children. Very quickly they had a radio call to say that he'd approached a lifeguard and told them he couldn't find his mum and dad, they were bringing him to lost children. The relief of him being ok was unbelievable and I was pretty impressed that he'd been so resourceful.

llangennith · 06/12/2018 21:09

From when DGS could talk and understand me I told him that if ever we got separated in a shop always to stay in that shop as I would never, ever leave a shop without him. Happened in our enormous Tesco a few times as he got bored and went off to look at the toys🙄

dellacucina · 06/12/2018 21:10

LauraPalmersBodybag I recognise loads of those tips from the podcast My Favourite Murder! Apologies if this means nothing to you, but it all seems like really great advice!

Redskyandrainbows67 · 06/12/2018 21:13

I’ve told mine to stay where they are if they get lost /separated from me. I can’t find them if they are wandering about. So stay still and I’ll find you.

In the meantime I told them to ask a mummy for help to phone the police. I don’t care if it’s not pc - it’s the safest segment of society for them to approach statistically and also most likely to help out

Redskyandrainbows67 · 06/12/2018 21:14

Also get them to memorise your address and phone number

titchy · 06/12/2018 21:18

Yeah don't teach stranger danger! More likely to harm your kid than help them. Find a mum with small kids or someone in a police or security uniform. Then person behind till in shop.

Stompythedinosaur · 06/12/2018 21:45

My dc know to stay still if they are lost. Failing that to ask someone in uniform or a parent with kids.

I don't talk about stranger danger, but we do talk about there being a person who is looking after them at any time and they don't go anywhere without checking with the person who is looking after them.

Zooples · 06/12/2018 21:49

Ive heard advice that they should go to a mum with kids or someone who looks like a granny, not a policeman. The rationale is that kids don't always know the difference between police uniforms and security guards or other uniforms, but the women will. I think that's what I'll be telling my child. She knows her full name, our names and our address, although gets the house number mixed up (she's 3) so hopefully that's enough to get her back to us if she's lost. Scary thought though!

HelenaJustina · 06/12/2018 21:55

Always taught mine; someone in uniform, someone who works there (venue of any description, shop, zoo etc) and then Mum with children.

It’s important to give them strategies. I told mine to stand still and shout! Especially in a busy shop, I will find them much quicker and they draw attention to themselves by lots of people.

Xuli · 06/12/2018 21:55

Like others, I've said you try and find someone in uniform, like a police officer or shop assistant, or failing that a parent with children.

whenwillthetwitchstrike · 06/12/2018 21:56

I don't think there's any point in telling them to find a policeman as there are so few police on the ground these days. They might walk for ages looking for one.

BackforGood · 06/12/2018 22:05

Like so many others - general principles like 'a Police Officer, then 'Someone in a uniform' then 'a lady with children'. However, if we were places out and about, I'd ask them then - so on the High Street /in a shopping centre I'd say "If you couldn't find me now, where would you go, or who would you ask to help you?". When we went to the beach, I'd always try to set up infront of something noticeable - a big advert sign or by a bridge or by the donkeys or whatever so they could see that if they looked up and had lost us.
We had a rule about standing still if you couldn't see us too - the idea being that we (as adults) would then find them if retraced steps unlike if they went off to try to find us and then get more lost.
At school (or any other activity we were collecting them from) it was ALWAYS - if you can't see us, don't try to find us, go back inside and I'll come to get you from there.
So much depends on the circumstance.
If they were little now, I'd write my mobile number on their arm if out for the day. As they get older, teach them your number.

HoppingPavlova · 06/12/2018 22:09

I always said a shop assistant or a mum with children. Obviously I would have been fine with a police person but rarely could I think of a situation where one would be in sight at the time so pretty irrelevant in that scenario.

birdsdestiny · 06/12/2018 22:14

Due to a mix up at school, ds ended up waiting for me on the street in our village. Staying put was the wrong advice in this case. School was 2 mins away. The street was getting dark etc. I think it's important to give them a range of coping strategies.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 06/12/2018 22:28

Lost DS in Wilko at 3 (DD 1 in pram so couldn't run around and look for him like mad), immediately told staff member, they were brilliant, basically put the shop in lockdown and lots of staff helped, immediately went outside etc. He had been on his way out but a mature lady had spotted what was happening and led him straight back in. It was all over in 2 minutes or so but bloody hell it was awful.

Once when I was shopping on my own two little girls around 6 at a bus stop approached me, saying to each other "yeah she looks like a mum, we can ask her for help". They were out with their class and the TA was literally two steps from them and saw them, but the girls were a bit bewildered coming off the bus on a busy street and obviously instincts kicked in.

Greensleeves · 06/12/2018 22:34

We didn't do "stranger danger". I think the infinitesimal risk presented to children by random members of the public is nowhere near enough to justify teaching them to aproach the world/humanity at large with suspicion and fear.

I did tell them to stay still if they got separated from me, or talk to a member of staff if in a shop or museum or whatever (I still go cold when I remember a trip to the Science museum with two other MNers when ds1 was 2, he bolted and it took me an hour to find him).

JustBeingJobless · 06/12/2018 22:43

Similar to other posters - I always told ds to go into a shop and speak to a staff member, or a parent with a child. When he was little, I used to write my number on his arm when we were out.

Jessicabrassica · 06/12/2018 22:44

6yo dd got lost at a small, local festival with a friend. They found a friendly looking female stall holder and because dd knew my mobile number, they asked her to phone me so I knew where they were.
We've gone with tricky people not stranger danger partly because most strangers aren't dangerous and partly because we live in a village and many people know my kids by sight or know of them and will say hello to them in the street or chat in the and would help them if required even if they don't properly know them.

Coached · 06/12/2018 22:50

Similar to others, we've always said find a mum or dad specifically with children, or a police officer. If we go to busy places we pick a place to meet if we seperate.

DD has known my mobile number off by heart since about 3.5yo as I took her to the London Marathon and was freaking out about the crowds. We actually spoke to police officers whilst there and I introduced them to DD as people that would help her if mum or dad wasn't around.

Also, if you ever lose a child in say a shopping centre or somewhere, its natural to shout their name, but actually you shkuld shout out their appearance and name e.g. Chloe, 6 years old, blond hair, red coat. Others will look for them then. I witnessed this in Primark last month, so effective, my DH found the little boy and got him back to his panicked mum.

Srsly · 06/12/2018 22:53

I've taught my 4 year old to stand still and shout and shout and shout until I come back for him.

He got lost in Ikea a few months ago, and I could hear him crying, but in the maze of Ikea I couldn't find him. I shouted for him to stay still, which he diligently did as he was petrified. Several ikea helpers flocked to him. We kept shouting at each other till I worked out how to get to him.

At his age, I think that's enough as he's not likely to go far before I notice he has gone. He knows to stand still, shout and not leave the place he's in unless it's with a police man.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 06/12/2018 22:58

@whenwillthetwitchstrike that's actually a really sound comment. My ds is 14 and I taught him to look for a police officer back in the day, but now? No chance you'd find a policeman out and about in our town these days.

PushHop · 06/12/2018 23:03

Often take my DSS to London with me just the two of us (and now with DS too) and felt the added responsibility of him not being my child to lose! I told him that if we got separated in a busy crowd to make a scene. Shout, scream, cry and make everyone look at you. I'd hopefully be close enough to notice but at the same time, all eyes would be on him so no one "bad" could sneak him off anywhere...