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Original poster

Does anyone have an only child by choice?

83 replies

nomorearsingmermaids · 05/12/2018 14:14

Just that really. Does anyone have an only child by choice, ie not because of secondary infertility/age/illness etc?

DS is 3 and I am 90% sure I don't want another child, for many reasons. But I am not yet 30 and people around me who I have told this to think I'm crazy and selfish, and they say so.

I come from a big family and everyone seems to think because of this I want a big family myself (in fact it's the opposite).

Anyone else?

OP posts:
spugzbunny · 05/12/2018 14:19

I'm an only child by choice. My parents only wanted one. It annoys me so much when people say it's selfish to only want one or that they'll be lonely or weird. I was just fine! The only thing I found hard was things like holidays as it was hard to meet other kids.

Original poster
nomorearsingmermaids · 05/12/2018 14:22

thank you spugz, that's nice to hear.

OP posts:
Alwaysatyke · 05/12/2018 14:23

I'm not exactly what you're looking for as I originally wanted a second child, but after two missed miscarriages and associated health issues we decided to stop trying and now actively don't want a second child.

It's not a decision i expected to take but I'm happy with it. As a family of three we're very close, I don't need to spread my time and attention between children and financially we're a lot more stable than we would be with two. Professionally, i can't see how i could continue in my current job with two children in different schools/nurseries etc so long term it'll have a positive impact too.

The down side is that I know my DD would be a great big sister and I feel sad that she'll never have that experience. That's the only thing that makes me regret our decision.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
NetballHoop · 05/12/2018 14:24

Three of my nct group decided to stick at one. They all seem perfectly happy some 20 years on.

claraschu · 05/12/2018 14:24

Having children is very selfish. The planet is too crowded!

harleyquinnx · 05/12/2018 14:31

I have one by choice I'm an only child as well by choice.

Cutesbabasmummy · 05/12/2018 14:36

I'm an only child. I was fine with it. My husband is the eldest of three boys. My DS is three and we only wanted one. We can afford one and we can do things with him that we couldn't afford with two and he gets all of our attention.

Fashionista101 · 05/12/2018 14:36

I have one by choice. He's 4 and I don't think I will have any more. I have 2 brothers.

Mulberry72 · 05/12/2018 14:37

We only have one DC by choice, I’ve always known I only wanted one, and DH was happy to go along with it.

I am the oldest of four siblings and saw how much my parents struggled and I never wanted that for myself. DS has a good life, great holidays, nice clothes etc, lots of activities etc and more importantly he has mine & DH time and attention which we just don’t feel we would have been able to give him had we had more than one DC.

thinkingcapon · 05/12/2018 14:39

Yes me
I didn't no one so definitely don't want any more. I'm asked on a daily basis when we are having another Angry

FamilyReferee · 05/12/2018 14:40

I have one by choice. It allows us to give DC a quality of life that we couldn't have done if we'd had another child. DC says that sometimes it might be nice to have a friend to play with, but then she looks at her friends who mostly fight with their siblings, and she says she's relieved not to have that. She says that overall she's happy not to have a sibling, as she gets more hobbies & presents & doesn't have to share her room!

I look at others with multiple children, and wonder how they do it! One is quite enough, thank you. And I get fed up enough refereeing between OH and DC without adding any more DC to the mix!

Original poster
nomorearsingmermaids · 05/12/2018 14:40

I am the oldest of four siblings and saw how much my parents struggled and I never wanted that for myself.

Same. House was always too noisy and busy as well. My siblings are all extroverts and I don't think they minded but I'm a huge introvert and I found it hard.

OP posts:
ineedwine99 · 05/12/2018 14:43

I'm in the same boat as you OP, 1 daughter aged 2 and i'm 95% sure i'll stick with just her.
She has a great time at nursery with her friends where she is great at sharing, but then can come home to quiet and her toys all to herself.
Plus we can offer her so much more if we stay at 1. Time will tell though, i do miss newborn snuggles

NutBiscuit · 05/12/2018 14:44

I have one DS, aged 5, by choice. Both DH and I are only children, so it doesn't seem "odd" to us, and as mentioned upthread, we decided we would rather be able to give our DS everything he needs (material things and our time/attention), rather than spreading ourselves thin with more children.
I think the downsides are that you do need to be careful not to "spoil" them, and that you need to work harder with playdates etc to give them people of their own age to play with

lpchill · 05/12/2018 14:45

We are one and done too. My DD will be 3 in January and me and DH just turned 30. I have a brother and sister and have never had my own bedroom!

We originally wanted two but after having our daughter we feel complete. We got a now 9 month old mini labradoodle and him and DD get on so well it's like having a sibling. We where able to move to a fantastic area and brought our large 2 bedroom terrace which we would have never been able to afford with 2 kids.

ArtisanPopcorn · 05/12/2018 14:46

Yes! DD is 4.5 and I couldn't imagine going back to the hell of the newborn days or financial strain of the nursery fees years.

All good so far, she's never asked for a sibling and nobody else has asked about number 2 for a few years.

IHaveBrilloHair · 05/12/2018 14:47

I do.
Dd is 17 and I've just turned 41.
I just never wanted more and am completely happy with my decision.

BitchQueen90 · 05/12/2018 14:48

I have an only by choice. He's 5 and a half. I'm 28 so my age is not an issue if I wanted more but I don't.

I'm an only child myself. Never gave it a second thought growing up.

Escolar · 05/12/2018 14:50

I have three DC (by choice) myself, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your decision. The people calling you selfish must be the kind of unimaginative people who can’t imagine anyone making a different decision to the one they’ve made.

ArtisanPopcorn · 05/12/2018 14:50

Look for the group 'parents of only children by choice' on Facebook.

My daughter is already (at 4) having experiences (extracurriculars, travel etc) that we wouldn't be able to afford if we were paying nursery fees for number two. We're also putting the extra money towards paying off the mortgage after which we will start saving towards be able to give our daughter a deposit on a house when she's older. I'm very happy with my decision.

DailyMailFuckRightOff · 05/12/2018 14:53

This thread is so good for me to read. We have one, my partner doesn’t want more so I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact this is likely to be our ‘only’. Thank you to everybody for sharing their situations - so helpful.

nippey · 05/12/2018 14:54

I have one by choice, I am an only child and my DH is one of 7 so we both had very different childhood experiences.

We both decided before we had DD that we only wanted one for many reasons, and haven’t changed our minds at all (she’s nearly 4)

I feel that we are able to give her the best of everything we have to give, in time and money.
I agree with NutBiscuit that it’s difficult to not spoil them though and I do go out of my way to arrange play dates with others.

On a purely selfish note, I couldn’t do it all again and I love the peace and quiet!

LordPickle · 05/12/2018 14:57

I've got a 2 year old and he's my one and only. Before him I thought I wanted more but I decided when he was 6 months old that I'm happy with just him. We can give him a great life but the more we have, the less we can do for them, so 1 is perfect for me.

My DH wants more but I'm not going to have another. Hey ho.

Autumnsunrise · 05/12/2018 15:02

My dd1 was an only child for 16 years. She was very happy being an only child and me and ex were too.

Never got any comments about having another. But we were quite poor for most of that time Grin

KnitFastDieWarm · 05/12/2018 15:07

I have a 3 year old DS, only by choice. We are currently on holiday. Me, DS and DH have been lying on the floor playing Lego for the last hour, making each other laugh like drains. Yesterday we did a forest school activity and DS ran off happily to play with the other children, then came home went to bed after an evening of hot chocolate, undivided attention and stories. Me and DH then spend a peaceful evening drinking wine in a hot tub and talking about how bloody brilliant having one child is Grin

Me and Dh are both one of two siblings - we’re still totally happy with our decision. We have a big extended family and lots of close friends with similar aged children and DS has lots of friends at nursery - he will never need to do anything alone unless he wants to.

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